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Husband issues
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SharonNVirginia posted:
This AM I measured the DH's waist. 61.5 inches. 61.5 inches.

His obesity heredity is WAY worse than mine. Photos of his family 100 years ago show most everyone overweight.

But like most men, he finds the idea of "dieting and exercising" repellent.

So I have been sneakily doing a few things. I fix him breakfast in bed (rolled oats, fresh fruit and a small amount of sugar). I have been roasting lean beef at home. Sliced thin on whole wheat bread with mustard, not bad. And an orange. I feed him sensible dinners, but after I go to bed he eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And when he's at work he eats whole boxes of cookies which I never see.

Any suggestions on other things I can do?
CW 221.6 SW 229 GW 130
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.-Philippians 4:13
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jis4judy responded:
Hi Sharon maybe just set a good example for that hubby
he sounds a lot like mine ..He eats what I cook but gets a peanut butter sandwich late at night and eats cookies too I find all kinds of empty cookie boxes in the trash I know I didn;t buy them ...My hubby joined my in my journey back near the beginning 2003 he lost over 100 pounds rather quick but he is unwilling to maintain the changes needed for healthy living.. he regained some of the weight 40 ish pounds
he walks with me every day he is active but certainly eats way too much P&J
we cannot control how our hubbys eat so just be as healthy as you can and see if he asks for the help..
Hugs Judy:)
SW 247 CW 150ish maintaining

Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

 
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mardee responded:
My husband it very much the same.
But just like Judy. When i go on walks, dancing, or swimming, i drag him along and i just do my best to cook dinners that are healthy. That way, he is getting some good sorce of food. Becuase he is the fast food king when it comes to his lunches.
Mardee
SW 200 - GW 125 (and healthy!)
Be motivated!!
 
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totallywiggedout responded:
Hi Sharon.
I have a suggestion. No this isn't a joke any more than his 61.5" waist is.

Print this up and tape it to the fridge and the pantry/cupboard door.....

http://www.oversizecasket.com/funeralprofessional.html

If he continues as he is, also start discussing how he wants to be buried, since it won't be too long now. Even cremation of the super obese is more difficult, because of the extra fat, you don't fit into standard crematorium doors and more at issue, you melt more fat, which makes the fires very very dangerous for the crematorium, some have actually burned down because of this.
Prices vary of course, but a super sized casket is "special" so it will cost perhaps more than twice the average, just for the casket. PLUS with that extra size, you may not even be able to be buried next to eachother if you both have caskets, because a super sized coffin will take BOTH plots.....

And I'm sorry, but I just HAVE to ask this. WTH are you feeding him in bed? This is exactly the reason that super obesity happens... yes , there's the EATER who is super obese, but at some point, when they can no longer walk, there MUST BE a FEEDER. Don't let yourself become that person, Sharon. Don't be a FEEDER. It's murder, NOT love.

If you shop , stop buying the peanut butter and the extra bread. Freeze all bread that isn't used for a meal. Only pull out what is necessary for THAT meal, if at all.
If he wants to eat it, make him work for it. Let him go get it when he finds it NOT on the shelves, MAKE him THINK about what he's doing or PLANNING to do in advance . If he wants to do the midnight pb sandwich snacks, he's gonna have to have some forethought to pull that bread out of the freezer EARLY to let it thaw, or eat it frozen.
Don't you buy cookies, chips or whatever other craptastic foods. If he wants it, make him think about his foods.
You can only control so much. Perhaps not even everything that is bought for home, but don't let it be stored in the kitchen and don't you dare feed it to him or get up to give it to him.
If he wants to kill himself that's his perogative. He's an adult and there's only so much you can do. But , Sharon, above all else, don't become a suicide assistant or a murderer, in the name of love.

Think long and hard about it, ok?

huggs
k
Kim SW 252 CW 177.8 GW 135

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

If you are going through Hell,keep going.-- Winston Churchill








 
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jis4judy replied to totallywiggedout's response:
Kim ,,your message spoke to me in a way I didn't really see myself as a feeder ... so I spoke to hubby and said no more waiting on you! You will have to at least come to the kitchen to get whatever I am making for you .. because I am not willing to see you get majorly obese...as I keep feeding you ..
he appeared amused by what I said..LOl
Hugs Judy:)
SW 247 CW 150ish maintaining

Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

 
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SharonNVirginia responded:
Kim,

I feed him breakfast in bed because once he gets OUT of bed he says he doesn't have time for breakfast and he is out the door to 7-11 for donuts, hot dogs or cookies. For years, I have tried to get him to sit down to breakfast and I finally realized it ain't gonna happen. I don't buy him cookies or chips but he will come home at 10 PM with a jumbo bag and in the AM I'll see there's only half left. After the Famous Amos Chocolate chip cookie fiasco (he ate 5,000 calories of these in ONE WEEK), I told him NOT to bring home junk anymore.

I really have no clue what he eats when he's away from me. Other than the telltale wrappers I see in the truck. He is on board on the oatmeal and has taken some lunches from home. And as of yesterday he started walking again.

I will freeze the bread. Maybe I ought to leave out healthy snacks for when he is alone, like oranges, walnuts, veggies.

Keep the ideas coming,

Sharon
CW 221.6 SW 229 GW 130
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.-Philippians 4:13
 
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ausgram responded:
Sharon my hubby is 5'4" and weighed 210 lbs. He had a heart attack in 2003. I put him on a diet, making sure fat content was only 42grms a day, I know that was low but I didn't want to lose him. He ate what I gave him and drank a lot of water. He is now down to 150. He fluctuates now and then up to 160 but drops it when he does. Heart attacks are no fun. I thought I was going to lose him. Its so scary. Not to mention how expensive a helicopter ride, ambulances at your house and hospital and doctors cost.
Heart attacks are not fussy who they hit.
AusGram -SW - 194; CW -186; GW -150 for now, will lower that WHEN I reach it.

Don't live life comparing yourself to everyone else.
God has created you to be you and you are free to be yours
 
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mog1026 replied to ausgram's response:
OMG Kim, OMG! Is that for real? How sobering. How shocking. Scarier to me than any horror flick. Oh Aussie, so good to have you back and so sorry you had to go thru that with your husband. The surprising thing to me is that I don't think of a man who weighs 210 as very heavy. I think my perspective has gotten severely out of whack. Thanks for the wake up call you two.
Kathy SW 235.1 CW 203.6. GW 165
 
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totallywiggedout replied to SharonNVirginia's response:
Sharon, After I posted this, I thought, Jesus! I hope that I didn't come across as too harsh. But every time I read one of those stories about Emergency Services literally having to take a wall off a house to get to the super obese person who is having difficulties... my first reaction is ALWAYS, if that person couldn't walk out to get help, then they couldn't walk to get food, which means there's a FEEDER. And THAT'S the person I'm most mad at about this super obese person's predicament. I just never want you to be the bane of your neighborhood because of similar thoughts. You know?

You are right. If you feed him in bed to get at least ONE good, healthy meal into him, then that's the better option. Obviously, and you know this as well as I do (because we've done it ourselves in the past) even if you eat a good breakfast, if you are in the mood for donuts, you'll get and eat those too. Good breakfast or no, Full or not, an adult who is mobile will find a way to eat what they want. And as much OF it as they want.

At least he's starting to walk for some exercise again. Hopefully it'll help him realize just how out of shape he is. If he remembers how far he used to without breathing like a grizzly on roller skates, it may just dawn on him that a few dietary changes may not be a bad idea.

How far does he commute to and from work? Does he also drive alot for his job, like a traveling salesman? I'm sure we can all contribute to ideas for OTR nonparishable snacks for you to pack for his truck. Easy to grab stuff that will, although still be snacks, be at least healthier for him than the bags of cookies and candy bars.

I've got a couple of pics that I'll post , as follow up, about how to set up your fridge for better snacking that may help too.

huggs
k
Kim SW 252 CW 177.8 GW 135

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

If you are going through Hell,keep going.-- Winston Churchill








 
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SharonNVirginia responded:
Thanks all,

I guess posting this gave me the courage to talk to him about it. For the whole 30 minutes we were driving to see Pops in the hospital, we talked about walking and diet and stress. He CLAIMS he doesn't eat poorly why I am not with him, but he's not read to journal it for a week either. So it seems pretty clear he's fooling himself some. But on the other hand, he says he used to get a kielbasa on a bun from 7-11 for breakfast and now the oatmeal fills him up and he skips it. He's going to
1) Keep walking 30 min. per day
2)Try to replace white flour in his diet with whole grain
3)Take lunch instead of going out
4)Try to make healthier choices for after dinner snacks.

He has a high stress job. He is a residential architect and most of his clients are extremely rich and used to getting anything they want and being the object of con men. So he has to satisfy the client, mollify the contractor and keep the price down. He spends 1-2 days a week in the truck running back and forth to construction sites and living on fast food. Because people only want to meet with him when they are off work, he typically stays at the office until 9 PM. When he comes home he is cranky and uncommunicative and dives into computer games til he's ready to crash at 2AM. He gets up at 10:30 and is out the door at 11 AM. I work mostly from home but when I ggo to the office I leave by 5:30. I think the stress has a lot to do with his girth.
CW 221.6 SW 229 GW 130
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.-Philippians 4:13
 
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mog1026 replied to SharonNVirginia's response:
Sharon your schedules sound like the crazy stress filled lives of most of middle class America. It has to be hard, especially if you have kids still at home ( forget that, make it kids anywhere because I now know the stress never ends) and parents still alive (a blessing but also the worry of impending doom). I don't know how anyone manages without diving into the cookie jar, the wine bottle, or worse every so often. Life in these US of A has gotten too fast and too media driven. I feel for your husband and all he has to juggle with the added disadvantage of being male, ie probably not overly introspective or communicative. Good luck, girl, he NEEDS you! It sounds like you've helped him make a plan. Now you've got to be a cheerleader, not a nag. That distinction will be all in his head so you'll have to be a mind reader too. We believe in you Sharon. You can do it ALL!
Kathy SW 235.1 CW 203.6. GW 165
 
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totallywiggedout replied to totallywiggedout's response:
These are probably sideways , but I think you can still get the gist.

In the fridge, Top two shelves should be healthy snacks cut up and ready in clear boxes or baggies, the condiments to go with (like fat free ranch, peanut butter, even hummus, should be right beside (even better if you get those little single sized condiment cups at walmart near the dixie cups to put SINGLE servings of condiments in for super easy grab and go snacks)

Even the stuff that is nonparishable get stacked in there, right next to the condiments. Like single servings of whole grain crackers in those little snack sized zip locks.... for added information, in indelible ink write calories per serving on lids or on the baggy.

But the fact is, people will grab whats easiest and at eye level before they will open a drawer in the fridge.

The second photo is self explanatory.





huggs
k
Kim SW 252 CW 177.8 GW 135

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

If you are going through Hell,keep going.-- Winston Churchill








 
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totallywiggedout replied to mog1026's response:
This is truer than I wish ....
Heres a good link about the crematorium fires.

http://firegeezer.com/2012/06/15/high-body-fat-content-claims-another-crematorium/

huggs
k
Kim SW 252 CW 177.8 GW 135

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

If you are going through Hell,keep going.-- Winston Churchill








 
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totallywiggedout replied to SharonNVirginia's response:
Sharon, you may have to take the bull by the horns with this. Grab and go foods at convenience stores and drive throughs are the bane of our society.
We are born and bred to multitask and in doing so, we must cut time from somewhere else. Most of us barely find time to sit at a table for meals once a day, which is 2 times too few.
Families suffer and health suffers.

This weekend try some different snacky foods on your hubby.
Get a can of whole natural almonds, no salt, not "cooked", no added oil.
Take about 10 sprinkle on a packet of stevia or other 0 cal sweetener and 1 tsp of Baker's unsweetened cocoa powder, or cinnamon (or both). Mix with a spoon to coat the almonds. They have natural oils so it sticks and coats easily.
Throw in some raisins if you want too.
Then have him try it.
If it gets approval. Move on to adding 2-4 cups of air popped unbuttered popcorn to the mix. This is high fiber, good for you fats, protein and carbs for energy... in a big enough portion to fill him up, for less calories, sugars and bad for you fats than HALF a candy bar.

Best part is, it's hand to mouth, like eating chips and is non parishable so he can take it wherever he goes without it spoiling.

huggs
k
Kim SW 252 CW 177.8 GW 135

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

If you are going through Hell,keep going.-- Winston Churchill








 
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SharonNVirginia replied to totallywiggedout's response:
Thanks Kim. I will redo the fridge and stock the snack foods. Today on the way to the office I wanted to stop and get a breakfast burrito. He said "Is that the best thing you can eat or the worst?" It was enough to stop me. He's not sabotaging me any more.
CW 220 SW 229 GW 130
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.-Philippians 4:13


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