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Discouraging People All Around
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thelovelyjd posted:
Hi All,

I try to be pretty upbeat and not get worn down by what others say (more or less a necessity in my profession), but I must be honest that yesterday was a very difficult day and it felt like those around me were being especially discouraging.

I changed into my gym clothes before leaving my office and one of the admins in the building commented that at my size, I should definitely not be wearing shorts in public. I did nothing to solicit or provoke the comment... I was just walking to my vehicle to get to the gym. I politely told her that I don't comment on her choices, and I'd appreciate if she refrained from commenting on mine.

Then I got home after the gym and my roommate/significant other/person that inhabits some of the same spaces that I do, told me that he was sick and tired of my cooking smelly things in the house. He claimed that his room smells so bad that he can't stand to spend time in it. He was referring to the cauliflower pizza. He said at first that it was the fact that I was cooking it, it was the food processing which caused some of the cauliflower particles to be airborne and enter his living space (yes, this is the actual conversation that we had). Then he changed his mind and said that it was also the cooking process. I told him that changing my eating habits is very important to me and I need to be able to cook things that are both healthy and tasty. He basically told me to find something else to like or a new place to live.

We had a dinner that we had to attend last night, so we went to the restaurant where it was being held but we were a bit early. He let me know that he was going to have a beer and asked if I wanted anything. I asked him if he would mind getting me a glass of water (trying to increase my water intake... yay!). He completely lost it and told me that it was socially unacceptable to order a glass of water from a bartender at a restaurant bar. He made several disparaging comments basically saying that if I were not quite so fat, I would understand social etiquette.

All of this is not to comment on the dysfunction of my relationship, I think I'm well aware of that one, but rather to make note of how easily every good intention can be attacked from external sources who don't necessarily mean to bring you down or cause a setback. One thing that I plan to work on, in addition to attempting to lead a healthier lifestyle, is making sure that my words and actions don't negatively impact those around me. I can't change what others say to me, but I can watch my own tongue.

Anyway...thanks for reading. It is nice to vent occasionally.
-Sheri

Shall I part my hair behind
Do I dare to eat a peach
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

T.S. Eliot
Reply
 
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jis4judy responded:
Hi Sheri
wow sounds like you are walking through a mine field daily
I sometimes wonder if men have any clue to what they are saying ... I always order water when out ...
It is really rude for someone to comment on our clothing choices...You must be surrounded by dummies
it is good to vent sometimes
I do it often
Hugs Judy
SW 247 CW 150ish maintaining

Remember the Gold is not in the prize it's in the Journey
life may not be the Party we expected but while we are here we may as well dance

 
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bigred53 replied to jis4judy's response:
Big cyber hugs to you Sherri. I think a lot of things but most of them are never said. You should have been congratulated by both people for trying to change and make yourself healthier. IMO they are both Adam Henrys (A**h**es).

Keep doing what you are doing for yourself and nobody else and vent whenever you need to. We all understand how difficult it is to lose weight and gain health. Many years ago I lost a lot of weight. My whole childhood and young adulthood I was told - you have such a pretty face, if only you'd lose weight. Well I lost the weight and what do you think my dear uncle said? Damn, I never realized how big your nose was until you lost weight. Good thing I didn't have a gun right then. Just goes to show you that stupid, self centered people will often say hurtful and cruel things.

Continue to be kind and caring especially to yourself. During this journey you have to place yourself in the number one position.

Here's some more hugs!!

Michelle
 
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blondie454u responded:
Well, that's harsh. I can't believe people don't just look at you and say good for you for doing something but yet I have seen this attitude before. All I can say is you do you. If this is what you want then it doesn't matter what others think or say. As far as your roommate I will tell him to fly a kite but I have a different attitude about stuff like that. I don't put up with much. I don't have time nor the patience to do so. I don't how you are so I would suggest maybe doing a lot of cooking at once while he isn't there and store your food until you need it. Spray down the area with smell good stuff, maybe he won't notice. I hope you find relief in this situation.
Amber CW 135-139 maintaining, SW 250. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1Cor. 13:7
 
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rohvannyn replied to bigred53's response:
Wow, that sounds really difficult to deal with! Congratulations on being as reasonable about it as you are. I might be tempted to snap "thanks for trying to sabotage my efforts," but that wouldn't exactly be appropriate.

You undestand your relationship is on the rocks, but it sounds like you need to do whatever you can to get out of there. Also, if he insists on going to a bar, why not order a tonic with a twist? No calories and it's a bar drink. Or a Perrier and twist? He's got no business whining to you about making a healthy choice. I understand not liking the smell of cauliflower, but he really needs to grow up. If he "invites you to be successful elsewhere" again, maybe ask him if he really means that, and if your relationship is over? Some pretty clear messages are coming through.

Awesome job standing up for yourself. Awesome job finding healthy alternatives, too. Keep at it!
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' -QGJ

'Try not. Only do.' --Y
 
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rohvannyn responded:
One final thought... I am reflecting on this statement from yoru post. It says, in part "basically saying that if I were not quite so fat, I would understand social etiquette." This reveals that he may be subconsciously, or consciously, equating being overweight with being stupid. Being overweight does NOT equate a lack of understanding! This is a commonly held belief that needs to be rooted out of existence.
Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' -QGJ

'Try not. Only do.' --Y
 
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mefirstforever responded:


Hi Sheri,
The more I was reading your post the more I was getting angry angrier and angrier. I had to read it twice to calm myself up.
Ignorant people sometime surround us. And you certainly dealt with the situation with intelligence, grace and dignity. At the same time being hurt by the stupidity.
All I can say is strangers may say stupid things but partners or friend or significant other must always be your rock and support, have your back at all times. Short of that is you should question the attitude, an adult can figure out how to open a window to air out the place if it bothered him so much.
I send you a hugs





Helene GW 140 CW 196.8 SW 224
Every day is a gift do your best, be kind especially to yourself and smile.
 
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bigred53 replied to rohvannyn's response:
Sherri, one more thing (maybe more). I must say that I admire the hell out of you and any 'fluffy' woman who goes to the gym. I am still too selfconscious to go let alone wear shorts not to mention that I can't afford it at this time I still wear tops that are a size or two too big hoping to cover up some of those bumps and bulges. I carry most of my weight in my tummy - I have no waist or butt...lol. I'm between pants sizes right now too so I'm constantly pulling my pants up. I have this vision in my mind of me walking down the hall at work and my pants just sliding all the way down to my feet...lol. Now that would be scary for my co-workers because my legs are bright white too.

Can you afford to get your own place? If not I can understand putting up with your roommates BS for a while until you can get out. It's tough to be around people who don't respect you and what you are trying to do for yourself. I'm still reeling about what that administrator said. You know, you could probably file some kind of complaint against him/her. I had a supervisor years ago who called me a 'B' it seemed every time I turned around. I had lost a bit of weight and gotten some new clothes - nothing fancy. I finally went into my office where about six of us worked together and said loudly, "I swear if she calls me a 'B' again I'm going to file on her." She never called me that again and pretty much left me alone.

Sherri, even though you haven't been posting long I want you to know that you have friends here. We have all been through this journey. Judy, Debbie and Amber are maintaining. I have lost 100 pounds in the past eight years - I'm the turtle in the race - and I still have about 80 pounds to go. A couple of the dear, sweet women here are going through a slump and we all try to keep their spirits up and encourage them to keep going. We're all trying to do the best things for ourselves. We all want to be healthy. For example I'm finally off blood pressure medication and my blood sugar readings are better than ever so I may be able to lower those meds too after I talk to my doctor. I still have a problem with my colesterol but I know if I could start exercising and quit smoking that would get better too. I don't know how old you are but from your picture you look quite a bit younger that me - I'm 60 but I do have a young attitude.

Do not let anybody get in the way of you getting healthy and healthy doesn't necessarily mean skinny. Love yourself for who you are at this moment and every day that the Lord gives you. You are worth it!!! If I could I would do some parking lot therapy (butt kicking) on those cruel folks that seem to surround us all.

Well my dears since I post from work I won't be back until Monday. I'm taking the day off tomorrow - it's my beauty day - hair and nails. I know, take that money and buy a gym membership.

XOXOXOXO

Michelle
 
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mog1026 replied to bigred53's response:
Well JD, I'd say you ARE lovely to have handled these interactions as gracefully as you have. The office worker is beyond offensive and therefore must have some pain herself that she's carrying around (that's what I tell myself at least). Your significant other is part of what is probably a complex relationship and since he's male he probably has no awareness of what he is really talking about when he's complaining. You may have to help him use his words more effectively to express what his issues REALLY are.
Kathy SW 235.1 GW 165

Greedily she ingorg'd without restraint,
And knew not eating Death
Milton, Paradise Lost
 
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thelovelyjd responded:
Thank you all very much for your encouraging words of kindness. It means a lot.
-Sheri

Shall I part my hair behind
Do I dare to eat a peach
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

T.S. Eliot
 
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parakeet210 replied to thelovelyjd's response:
Hey Sheri,
The guy part of ur post reminds me of an ignorant person in my family. when we were growing up man would belittle my sis and call her Crisco. He was so rotten to her and condensending about her smarts and weight. She was very intelligent.

so then when we grew older he was still on her. Funny thing is tho I saw him last year and he's a very big man now. I guess sometimes what goes around comes around.

Furthermore, we can only change ourselves in how we view things ..... What these people think of you is none of your business. I've had to learn and learn and learn this over and over and over till it sinks in. Of course cooking the delectable food the poor guy can't handle it cuz he's probably into junk food? I dunno... but if you need to stay roomies ambers suggestion of good spray may be ok till the time comes one of you can move out.

God Speed

Keet
This moment is your life, choose to live it. Grab all the gusto you can!!!

tweety 'keet'

SW 264.0. GW. 170 CW 255.4
 
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abnersmom responded:
I'm so sorry that these cruel words were said to you by people who should know better. Just remember, those words are not a reflection of who YOU are, they are a reflection of the people saying them and, thankfully, have absolutely nothing to do with you.

Keep coming here and venting to us. We ALL do it from time to time.

One last little thing, I think you will notice lots of people treating you differently as you lose weight. It will be somewhat of an adjustment. Losing weight is a major change in our lives. You will see lots of changes and not just physically. I'm rooting for you girl, along with everyone else on this board. This is a difficult journey and we all need the support found here.
Debbie SW 265 CW 150 maintaining - You only live once, so live right. Healthy. Fit. Be active.
 
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ausgram replied to abnersmom's response:
I'm here for you too Sheri. I'm not good with words so I just reflect what Debbie said. "Those words are not a reflection of who you are." Yes, longs you can vent and get it off your chest you are better off then to hold everything in.
Keep on keeping on Sheri. WE can do this.
AusGram -SW - 194; CW -185; GW -150 for now, will lower that WHEN I reach it.

Don't live life comparing yourself to everyone else.
God has created you to be you and you are free to be you.
 
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bluecloroxqueen responded:
sherri, I have to say that your day would have probably set me off and created a spiral out of control. Unlike you, I had several ladies and gentlemen at work give great compliments. I know that they are not true because my scale tells me so, but it is always nice to hear that someone notices the small differences.


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