Eating Disorders Community

I have been struggling with bulimia for two decades, my son is now 17 and he has known about my bulimia since he was young, the depression (e.t al). Now I am horrified because he said was thinking about purging not only because of my influence but other guys at school are doing it. Maybe it is just a dangerous fad amongst highschool males,but E.Ds are like playing with a loaded gun. But that is how impressionable children are, they are little sponges that suck everything up, good and bad..

But to take your babies away because of your anarexia sounds to me to be a drastic and traumatic step for CPS to take. Ultimatly famillys have to stick together, and spreading them apart detrorates the strength that lies with in familly unity. Right now, in your time of struggle, you need your children as much as they need you, warts and all. I'm not saying you have warts, even if you did you would still be beautiful. Lord knows I would rather have some big old unsightly warts than an eating disorder. I can't help to thinking that their decision to divide a familly is ultimatly going to do more harm than good for everyone involved. My heart goes out to you

If its offers any comfort next time I pray I'll include you. It can't hurt. Good luck, stay strong...

Thank you for your reply. yes please pray for me and my children. It will be 1 week tomarrow when they were taken. and if anyone else reads this please pray. thanks

If you see a doctor will they give your children back?

In his defense anorexia isn't just about an eating disorder. He was possibly trying to get at what caused you to become anorexic. Think of it like calling a plumber about a flooded basement. You may feel he should bail out the water first, but his first inclination is to find the leak and plug it. A doctor must make the best call for the health of all involved. Take this as a good wake up call that you need help. What if your anorexia kills you? Where would your children be then? You have the opportunity now to get your life on track and your children back. Take this as a blessing that nobody is grievously hurt and that all involved have a chance if you work at getting help and ultimately better.
I offer you best wishes, not a prayer, a prayer puts it in God's hands. This is in your hands and something YOU can tackle and accomplish. Have faith in yourself, do what you need to do, counseling, therapy, whatever it takes.

Best wishes,
Oops

I'm hoping I can shed a little light on what happened for you. First I myself struggle with anorexia and bulimia and happen to work for CYS. Okay don't hate me but it is understandable why they did this. More and more agencies like mine are having to consider emotional neglect/abuse when looking at the safety of children. While I don't really agree with the removal of your children, especially given their ages, I get why they did it.
Believe when I say I am not judging you or really believe this was in your children's best interest but in the eyes of CYS they must protect the children first and foremost. Your dr making the referral also is understandable as he/she could have lost their license had they not have b/c they are a mandated reporter.
I can tell you from working in this field the more you work with CYS the better. If that means they want in-patient then do it. I know it's really hard and they aren't doing it to punish you. Believe me taking custody of children is the last option we try to do. Let me ask you, do you have relatives the children could be placed with in lieu of foster care? If that's an option a kinship study should be able to be conducted and at the next hearing that could become their possible placement. Don't look at it like a punishment, look at it as a door to making not only your life better but that of your children. Do you really want them to continue seeing you dying in front of them?
Well I hope this was helpful and please let me know if I can help you in any way with understanding what is going on, etc...

Erin

Thank you i and do understand what you are saying. I just don't understand why they took my kids because. I have been in patient before for my eating disorder and thought i was getting better. i do still see two other Dr's for my eating disorder it was just this one Dr. i was seeing did not help me he never wanted to talk about my eating disorder he would alway want to talk about my home life. even told me when it warms up him and i could go walking together i just didnt feel right being around him. he would tell me he thought about me every day. even in his car. it just didnt feel right to me. I even told cps i would go back to see him again no matter how he makes me feel if it would get my kids back. I do have a good friend who is trying to get my kids. my next hearing is Monday so i hope i will find out more then.

I'm glad you have a hearing coming up quickly and that a friend will hopefully be able to help you out. I'm sorry to hear what a creep this dr was, that definitely sounds fishy to me that he was so unprofessional and then poof a report is made to CYS! Have you considered filing a complaint with the AMA regarding his behaviors and actions? It seems to me that he was attempting to engage you in a personal relationship and when it was clear you wouldn't be taking that route this report was made in a retaliatory fashion.
I wish you the best of luck and again if you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask me. Take care and I'll be thinking of you on Monday.

Hey,
Just thought I'd check in and see how your hearing went with CPS? Were you able to do a familial placement vs foster care? I really hope everything worked out for you and your family!

Thanks for checking in. I had to go court Tuesday. My children are still in foster care. My friend got approved to get them just waiting on the Sled check to come back. I was court ordered to go back and see the same male Dr. I was seeing for the anorexia. I really don't want to see him because he never helped me before but now i have no choice now and i will do anything to get my kids back they said it could but up to 6 month to get them back

6 months away from your children must seem to be an eternity, I feel for you. My son is 17 now and I joke that it would take 6 months away from him just to regain my sanity! But I am just kdding. The truth is I miss him when he is at school everyday, he is my best friend. It is always darkest befor the dawn. I'll keep you in my prayers

Update: My kids got sent to live with some friends of mine by DSS i am just glad they are out of foster care. DSS is taking me back to court on Oct. 26 I cant wait until they say i can bring my kids home. I am seeing a counselor once a week and 2 other ones once a month i am doing good i now weigh 94lbs. I know i need to do this for myself and my kids because an eating disorder don't only hurt you but all so the people you love. i try not to thank about the weigh gain but sometimes i just feel like i am getting fat but my Dr. tells me when i thank like that just start thanking about when my kids getting to come home. I no this is going to be a hard road but as a mother i have to do it. I have been in the hospital 3 times out of state for the anorexia and i don't want to end up there again. I just wish i could stop thinking about the weight gain all the time but it is so hard. if you do pray can you still pray for my family? thanks very much.

Thinking of you and your kids, Mommys. (((hugs))) I'm glad you are in therapy and feeling hopeful (albeit still scared) again.

Hi I got good news Friday. My case worker came out and told me i will be going back to Court 4 weeks sooner then i was told at 1st. to get my kids back.Sept. 21st is the day i am so happy. She was so glad i started going to a support group for eating disorders and i have done everything else i was told to do because my kids mean more to me then the ED does. please everyone wish me luck. thanks

I am so so so sorry. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. I think that is absolutely horrible that that Dr. would throw you under the bus like that. He/She didn't even try to help you. I have been dealing with anorexia for 3 years now, and I know what it's like when my eating disorder effects my family, but never has this happened. At this point, it is sad to say, but you have to have tough skin. Recovery is by far the hardest thing to go through, and believe me, there may be points during your recovery where you want to regress, but you have to think of how you'll feel in the future, not in the present. You need to show that court just what you're made of, and prove them to them that you deserve your children. The only way to do this is checking yourself in to a hospital as an inpatient. Trust me, it is not as bad as it seems, plus everyone around you will be able to understand how you're feeling and help you on your way to health. This may sound very selfish, but you have to put yourself first when it comes to your health in this situation which is what the court is getting at: How can you care for your kids if you can't care for yourself? But I will keep you in my prayers and pray for strength because you deserve your kids and you CAN take care of them. I am so so so sorry, but I know you have the strength to get through this.

Thanks so much for the kind words! I have been in the hospital inpatient 3 times. My kids have been gone now for 6 months. I have learned a lot from all this and i am getting better. I know my kids mean a lot more to me then the ED does. and when i get my kids back i am going to show them that i am doing better because i have 3 girls and i would never want this for them. I will have CPS in my life for a year after i get them back just to make sure everything is OK. And I will show the court and CPS i am getting better and can and will be able to take care of my 3 girls.