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    Is Your ED a Secret?
    Lainey_WebMD_Staff posted:
    Hello community,

    Eating disorders are not always understood by our loved ones.

    Does your family know about your ED?

    Who was the first person you told about your ED?
    kathycornflakes responded:
    My family has never understood ED and probably never will. Mine was quite visible, so eventually it was not a secret anymore. My mother and father confronted me when I was in grad school. My mother saw tiny hairs on my back and all of my rib cage when I was trying on wedding dresses. (I looked SO awful at my wedding- I will never forgive myself for that. I can't look at the pictures without crying). Nowadays I am still very thin. My family lives in a different state. They all think I eat healthy and work out but that I am recovered. My husband sort of knows that I still struggle with my apperance. He does not comment on what I eat (I do eat- just sometimes not a lot). I know I still do not look good. But for some reason I cannot give up the constant food control. I know that at some point, something has to give. I have a 2 year old daughter and I DO NOT want her to ever hurt her body the way I did. I hope she loves herself no matter what size.
    lostkate responded:
    In my 20's my parents did approach me because my therapist called them. My parents were in denial, so was I, I told them I was fine, I dont have a eating disorder. It was never discussed after that. My sisters were aware of it, which I didnt know until years later because they never spoke about it, nor did I tell anyone. So for me it was a big secret. Eventually I thought I was over it, recovered. I am now, 48 yrs old, for the past two and half years it started all over again. I had gain a lot of weight over the years, I hated how big I had gotten, how out of control I was. I struggle with food everyday now, it is again a secret. My family just thinks I lost the weight by exercising and dieting. The only person I ever told was my therapist. I cant give up the control and always looking at appearance.

    Lainey_WebMD_Staff responded:
    Do you ladies feel if your family knew the extent of your ED that it would help or hurt?
    lostkate replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
    For me, it would hurt. When they were told the first time by my therapist it was extremely hard to face them. I remember that night like it was yesterday. They were mad and upset. It was like when I was kid and just got caught doing something wrong and now Im going to be punish. We spoke briefly about what my therapist said I denied it and it was never spoken about it again. My Mom has since passed and my father has remarried move away. I still cant admit I have a problem. This was very hard to write.

    kathycornflakes replied to lostkate's response:
    Definatley hurt. NO ONE knows how LOW my weight got to except me. And like Kate, I have a hard time admitting I still have a problem. I think you guys are the only ones who know how much I struggle with this these days. I tend to limit what I tell my mother esp. b/c she blames herself all the time. And I hate for my husband to worry that I may not ever get better. (this is my personal worry too).
    jms53 replied to kathycornflakes's response:
    I just recently started therapy because my husband pretty much forced me by saying he was leaving. He has also been and we will be attending together on occasion. Although I know he loves me and wants me well he has no idea the lengths I have gone to keep from gaining weight. My husband wants someone (something) to blame. Although there have been several things happen, no one thing can be blamed. I have just spiraled out of control and am not sure I can come back, but I guess I'll try.
    Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to lostkate's response:
    Soft Hugs Kate,

    I am sorry that your parents didn't understand your illness. It seems that our past generations hid difficult situations. Our generation seems more open. We just need to work on being supportive.
    Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to kathycornflakes's response:
    Hi Kathy,

    Always be good to yourself. Sometimes we worry about others and neglect ourselves.

    Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to jms53's response:
    Hi Jms53,

    I am sorry you are being forced to get therapy. I think many people don't understand ED and just try to fix it. Are you able to open up with the therapist?
    jms53 replied to Lainey_WebMD_Staff's response:
    I am to an extent. She tells me what I need to do as far as increasing my calories and quitting the constant exercise. I know what I should do but can't make myself do it. She wants me to take medication for the compulsive behavior. Part of says this would be good. The other part says I don't want to because I might gain weight. It is very frustrating.
    Grandma_Lisa_G replied to lostkate's response:
    Hi Kate,
    Have you talked to your doctor about this? You can get some pretty serious problems if you don't stop! You may not be able to have another child if you want, get osteoporosis, heart problems, or depression! I know stress is not fun! We get some kind of stress in all our lives. I too have an eating disorder! I binge eat. I have other problems with my health issues. These are not any better I know. I'm at the age of being a grandmother, my children are all grown up and on their own. But if you don't want your daughter to end up this way, you need to see to it that you get help for yourself! Or your daughter will see that it's okay to be just like mom! Sorry to say this but I have to say this to myself every time I had my children with me. Now neither of my children are obese like me! They don't have a binge eating disorder. Thank God! Take care honey and see your doctor for some help!
    lostkate replied to Grandma_Lisa_G's response:
    Hi Grandma_Lisa_G
    I have no plans to have another child, Im 48yrs old, even though I would love a house full of kids. I have one in college and my daughter is in middle school. I just recently left my husband, working out a separation agreement and I just lost my job. Things havent been easy for me lately. I have not spoken to my doctor or my therapist about this. I know the medical conditions I could be causing but I really trying to get grip on all of this.
    I keep a close eye on my daughter, we talk about a lot of things. We have spoken about some her friends who she thinks might have an eating disorder. I have never told her about mine.
    Thank you for listening to me.
    Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to jms53's response:
    Hi Jms53,

    Consider trying the medication for a few months and if you gain weight speak about this with the therapist.
    Lainey_WebMD_Staff replied to lostkate's response:
    I am so sorry Kate, did you lose your job because of your ED?

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