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Anorexia again at 45 yrs old
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lostkate posted:
This is for anyone who has been where I have been. Looking for any advice.

After twenty years of ups and downs with my weight(normal women's ups and downs), I've come to realized I have cross the line this time. I can't believe this is happening again. I was anorexia in my twenties and seeing a therapists. After three yrs of therapy I was able to control it. It was a very long three yrs and a lot of work both for me and my therapists. I have never been on medications. I've gone back to my therapists because of depression and other issues I have. Which might be the reason for the anorexia coming back. I haven't told my therapists about not eating and I'm afraid to tell her. She has notice the drop in my weight. When she question me about it I said I have lost some weight but it's my clothes that are making me look thin. I have been wearing over sized sweaters to our sessions. I tell her my weight is fine. I have been seeing her since November. In August was at 165, which is the highest weight I have ever been. She never saw me at that weight, by the time I started seeing her again I was 145. Now I'm at 135 and still dropping. I'm 5'4'', so I am still at a good weight for my height. I don't look too bad, but eventually if I keep going she will notice.

There are some trust issues we are having this time around. I honestly don't think she will believe me if I told her I wasn't eating. All I want to tell her is please help me. I really need this to work out. I don't want to start all over again with a new therapists.

I am also having problems with my period. I won't stop. I'm wondering if the not eating is screwing it up. Most eating disorders make it stop.

Kate
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear Kate,

If you can't say it out loud to her, write it down and hand it to her:

"I'm not eating. Please help me."

Beyond that, please see your regular doctor or ObGYN. No, you should not be bleeding nonstop and this needs to be looked at right away.

Please keep us posted on how you're doing. I'm sure others will be responding eventually too. *hugs*
 
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lostkate responded:
Hi

Thank you for responding to my post. Since I wrote it, I have seen my therapists. I did tell her that I was struggling with my eating. We didn't go completely into it because of other issues. But I know her, she will bring it up again next time I see her. I plan on being as honest as I can with her. I never thought I would have to deal with eating like this again. It really bothers me. I have two kids, one (17 yrs old) going to college next year and a (12 yrs old )who is a cancer survivor. I have had stress in my life and never gone back to not eating. I have been depress through some of it but never a deep depression. I guess I just need to give myself some time and keep going to therapy.

As for my period, it has finally stop yesterday, I am going for a sonogram today. Hopefully that will give me some answers.

Thanks again, I am founding the message board a great help for me.

Kate
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Thanks for updating us, Kate. It's good to hear you talked with your therapist and will continue to do so. You're taking the right steps. And good re that sonogram.

I'm glad you found us. *hugs* Let us know how it all goes.
 
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darcynana7 responded:
Hi Kate,

I think battling with eating disorders will be somewhat of a lifetime thing especially if you continue to have stress in your life which you cannot cope in a healthy manner. If you EVER feel like you cannot tell your therapist again, I'd do what the other person said. Write it in a note or something. It is hard to say those kinds of things but in order to stay well for yourself and your family, and if you want to get help for it then you have to speak up. I'm glad you spoke up! That takes a lot of strength and courage! And I definitely feel that you should always be honest w/your therapist. Honesty is the best policy. That's the only way that they can help you and the best way you can help yourself. Good luck!
 
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DebT39 responded:
Kate, I totally understand what you are going through. I'm 46 and overweight, make that obese. I've had eating disorders all my life, and was anorexic in my late teens/early twenties. At that time, the more weight I lost, the more I got kudos from my mother, who thought I looked great. She was a nurse and didn't see either the anorexia or the fact that her "support" simply helped me continue my destructive behavior. I plateaued after a while and became bulemic.

After I married and had kids, my weight went up and I couldn't stop it. I had a bout of anorexia when I was pregnant with my second child, which my doctor monitored closely and we made it through with me only gaining 15 pounds. I sort of gave up for a while, but hated my body. All my family did, too (not my husband or kids, but my parents and my in-laws).

I was diagnosed with diabetes in 2003 I think. Having to watch sugar levels and worry about carbs and other things, of course, brought food back into focus and started this fear of food all over again.

Then in. 2007, my mother died of cancer. It's been a hard year and somewhere around September 2008 I started losing weight and couldn't stop. Because I'm not fanatically exercising because of having Fibromyalgia, On the 11th of March I had lost over 20 pounds, then two days later lost 1.5 pounds in two days. Yay for me! I weighed in at my doctors office on the 23rd and gained a pound back! Yikes!

Okay, logically I know this is not healthy and that I'm really hurting myself, but I can't stop it. My doctor knows what's happening, the not eating, the terror of food and gaining an ounce. She talked to my dietician who wants me to see a psychologist in my area, so right now they are picking a therapist for me; then I will have three people on my team -- well, four because my daughter is being a huge support for me. My hubby is trying to help all he can without pushing me over the edge of stress.

My biggest fear in this is that I will "get better" and gain weight and never stop again. I absolutely have to be thin! I know I should know better, and should be able to deal with this in an "adult" manner, but knowing and shouding don't help.

Has anyone else over 45 dealt with this and how did you get better?

Deb
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Deb,

You're definitely not alone to be 45 or older and struggling with this. I hope others will respond with their feedback.

Be very careful about restricting your calories too much (and it sounds, from another post, that you are). *hugs*

I'm glad you'll be seeing a therapist, hopefully one very familiar with Eating Disorders, and that the two of you will look at the why of all this for you, as well as the behavior itself.

Your background is very similar to mine, your mother's perspective, having Fibromyalgia, etc. I understand the frurstration of carrying too much weight. But carrying too little is equally dangerous.

Please start being good to yourself.
 
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lostkate responded:
Hi Deb I am very glad I'm not the only person in their 40's dealing with this. I started for feel very alone. I thank you for being so open with me. I too lost my mom , in 2005. I think some of my issues are dealing with that lost. I am still working things out with my therapist. My weight recently has dropped couple of more pounds. I am still at a weight that is good for my height but it stills scares me. I think too much about it. I also fear about getting better and know I am hurting mysef. I have being emailing my therapist when our schedules don't allow us to meet. I feel the emails have made things easyer for me to tell her what's on my mind. She has known me a very long time and has been there with me through all of this. Sometimes I don't know how I could have done this the first time and now without her. The message boards have been a extra help too.

Thanks for your honesty.....Kate
 
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lostkate responded:
Hi Deb and Darcynana7

Thanks for the support. I am sorry it has taken me so long to reply. Between work and family I dont always have private time to look at the message boards.

Thanks again

Kate
 
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DebT39 responded:
Hi Kate,

I am glad my words gave you some support. At least we can stand together now.

A friend of mine is trying to help me and gave me a chart she made with little circles to fill in for what I eat during the day. There are 15 circles and they are resonable -- for anyone without anorexia. They terrify me. On the bottom is a food diary chart. Easier to fill out the food diary than fill in those circles. I think if I fill in all those circles I've eaten way too much (It's a normal, proper amount for people to eat). I don't want to eat a normal, proper amount. If I do I'll never lose, or at least that's what I think.

I told my Dad last night about my eating problem. Not sure he believes me since he sees me as overweight/obese. I believe he thinks anorexia is for skinny people. How do we tell the world that there are overweight anorexics?

Deb
 
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lostkate responded:
Hi Deb,

People who haven't walk in our shoes would never understand that overwieght people can be anorexia. Society has options about everyone, few extra pounds, over weight and too thin. I say to hell with them. Be who you want to be and try to be the best at it. Those words sound great, I wish I could follow those words myself. I have struggle my life, thinking about what people think of me. Sometimes I don't care but other times it is very hard.

I have to get to work now, I know I haven't answer your question but I hope I helped a little.

Kate
 
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stitchwitch64 responded:
Hi Kate,

I am glad you posted. I am 45 and anorexic. I also started in my teens. I feel frustrated now because it seems like there is no help for women our age. it is mostly for teens/twenties.

I am in therapy. I am struggling with extremely bad self esteem. I also suffer from depression. I don't know which came first, the depression or the ED. Therapy is very helpful. I hope you continue with therapy. I came to this site hoping to find someone my age suffering. I think this will help.

Good luck to you. i hope to visit here at least a couple times a week.

Dawn
 
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lostkate responded:
Hi Dawn,

Welcome, I'm glad you found the message boards. It has helped me often. I also go on the Self Harm message boards. I feel more lonely, then frustrated these days. Right now, I'm also having a bad self esteem problem, among other issues. I think self esteem goes hand and hand with ED. Therapy has been helpful. I recently felt I was making progress in therapy but everything just fell apart on me. I am really not sure what I'm going to do. I honestly feel there is no help left for me. I don't mean to sound so negative but the past few weeks have not been good for me.

I hope you find help here. People here are very kind and really do listen.



Kate
 
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Numnum6 responded:
Hi. I stumbled on this board and I am glad I saw this post. I am struggling with the same thing and I just turned 50! I have been through it all in my teens, 20s and even some in my 30s but I am so0 struggling with anorexia that I dont know what to do. I have 6 children (some of them small) to take care of and my health is deteriorating from the anorexia as well. Im 5'6" and now about 121 lbs. I have to eat more. Today was the first good day of eating more and slightly larger meals. I hope I can feel comfortab le enough to keep it up. I will freak out when I see weight gain, but it seems to be what I am supposed to do. I think my therapist is doing all she can but I have to be willing to do whatever it takes. If anyboday has any solutions, please help. Caren
 
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brandykay responded:
I UNDERSTAND ALL THAT YOU ARE GOING THRU, I AM 36 AND HAD AN EATING DISORDER FOR 5 YEARS LAST SUMMER I PLUMETTED DOWN TO 90 POUNDS AND I AM 5'3, I HAVE BEEN IN AND OUT OF THERAPY BUT IT DOSENT HELP FOR LONG, THIS WINTER I GAINED UP TO 103 NOW I AM LOSING AGAIN I AM DOWN TO 98 AND FALLING, I HAVE TAKING TO FUDGING TO MY FAMILY AND CO WORKERS ABOUT HOW MUCH I WEIGHT, SO YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN YOUR STRUGGLE TO GAIN ULTIMATE CONTROL OF YOUR WEIGHT AND TO BE HAPPY BECAUSE IT STILL ELUDES ME, AND IT PROBALLY ALWAYS WILL, YOU SEE I CANT EVEN THINK ABOUT NOT EVER HAVING AN EATING DISORDER, BECAUSE ITS ALL I KNOW...


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