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bod27 posted:

i have been lurking for a while and post on other boards but it has taken me a long time to say hello here. I feel so alone.

I don't know if I even belong to this board because I have been told I don't have an eating disorder atm but 'disordered eating'. I have been diagnosed with depression and BPD but the whole food thing is beginning to come back into my life and I am getting scared.

Some days I can be really good and hardly eat anything (and be healthy with what I do eat) and other days I am out of control and eat all sorts of junk food, one piece after another and that makes me so upset I want to be destructive (I am trying very hard not to do this).

I used to take laxatives and diuretics every time I ate something and have recently bought some - first time in over 10 years. Haven't taken any yet though.

I hate the way I am - I am currently well overweight and need to get rid of it all. I can't bear how I look or the touch of my own skin.

It is freaking me out and I just needed some support.

thanks for listening.
lostkate responded:
Hi bod27
I think I have seen some of your posting on another board. Your not alone, Im anorexic, been struggling a lot too. I had problems when I was younger, then two years ago it all kick in again. I go through not eating, then cant stop eating. Right now I have gained 10 pounds, feel every pound. Not happy with my body at all. My weight gain has been total freaking me out. Do you see a therapist or counselor? Maybe a support group? Im not good at responding thats why Im usually quiet on the boards. I lurk too. I hope I helped a little. Your definitely are not alone.

LoverlyLaurie responded:
hi bod27 <3
i lurk too. i've seen you on the other board too and i want you to know that you're not alone. i know i've been gone a long time. i leave and come back on webmd alot.

what you wrote, well i could have written myself. there's days i have where i'm good and dont eat anything, and when i do, its nothing but healthy "safe" foods. and then there's days that i'm so depressed and i dont care at all and i binge eat anything and everything. and then i feel horrible. and i want to be even more destructive to my body. it's hard i know.

i'm really struggling too right now and needing support. i hope we can be there for each other. hugs.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us look at the stars. -Oscar Wilde

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