Eating Disorders Community

I suffered anorexia in high school my senior year and lost too much weight, walking skeleton. I even went as far as getting breast implants when I was 18. Now I am in recovery but have had many obsticals such as being diagnosed with Lupus, among other life-long medical challenges. (None stemming from the eating disorder). Currently I am unable to work out because of an injury and I am feeling very bad. Plus I am on new meds that make me sick to my stomach. All in all, a bad time.

I've put on weight and am healthy for my height (6'1) but I have several problems that have been causing me to get down on my body since I've had to go shopping for some new clothes recently. I am on the lower end of my healthy weight scale, but due to my height, broad shoulders, large (implants) breasts and naturally wide hip bone structure I often have to buy sizes in a larger and then belt them in the waist or have them altered in certain places since they're too loose in some areas. I know that I should not lose weight, and there's nothing I can do about my broad shoulders. I've always had a typical hourglass figure, even before my surgery. I can literally see my hip bones and such, because of my natural bone structure I am considered 'Curvy', but it appears that the word 'curvy' is a euphemism for 'plus size' and overweight since when I went shopping, they have plus size women much bigger than me (which is saying something since I have a disordered image of my body and often think I am bigger than I actually am) with the word 'curvy' to label the catagory. I used to feel good about that word, but now it's turning into something I hate and is making me ashamed. I am unable to find clothes that fit, which makes me think I'm fat, even though I know that I'm not (since others tell me so to remind me since they know of my problem) and I am struggling on not falling back into old unhealthy patterns.

I try to rationalize and tell myself the facts about why my body is the way it is, but it's starting to become harder. Especially since I am forcing myself to get back into buying regular clothes (for a long time I just wore men's hoodies and sweats since I wanted to hide my body out of shame) but I know that I should challenge myself and keep moving forward, it's just getting me down.

Any tips on feeling better? And why does the media/fashion industry have to be so divided? Any advice would help. I usually try to distract myself but due to having to remain more sedentary and having difficult mobility because of my leg brace, my usual coping skills are diminished.

-thanks.