Eating Disorders Community

In highschool I decided that I needed to lose weight at only 17 years old. It was tough but after eating so little, after a few weeks I felt as though I had the best will power ever. I would literally never eat anything fried or loaded with simple carbs. At first I was really proud of myself and I couldn't help but like that people were noticing that I was losing weight. It got out of hand after a while. My life became consumed with calorie counting and skipping an entire meal if I ate something questionable. My workouts began to consume my life. I felt terrible if I didn't finish my routine. If I had to miss a workout, I would make it up on the weekened or even when it came time to eat. I would not go out if it interfered with my routine. I dropped down from 163 to 120lbs in about six months. I was literally weighing myself everyday! It was so crazy that I knew exactly how many pounds to subtract because of a full stomach. People were starting to notice that something might be wrong. I would got out and eat with my friends and they thought i was weird for being a guy who would refuse to eat things like pizza and simply foods guys should eat. My life was being consumed with my thoughts on food. I would plan meals for the week and if I was eating out with family, then that would completely ruin my plan so I would just refuse to eat anything to punish myself for going out. I thought I was in control because of my discipline to refuse junk food but in the end it seemed as if it had control of me. I coudn't talk to my friends because it just wasn't normal for guys to have this problem. I think my family might of known that I was crazy about food, but I doubt that they knew there was an actual problem here. This went on for about two years. I figured the rest of my life would be like this. Today I would consider myself in remission. The reason is a little surprising and might be controversial and although today I am ashamed of it, I completely believed it saved my life. Being college students led us to the usual experiments. We tried marijuana for the first time. Of course, the 'munchies' came. It was difficult to refuse food while in that state of mind. The next day, once again, i would punish myselft for binging on all the junk food. Over time, my 'sickness' vanished. I was eating everything imaginable although I wasn't partaking in the college lifestyle anymore. Believe me, i'm not preaching about marijuana or anything. About two months ago my dad told me that my face was looking chubby... if only he knew the mistake he had made with that simple comment. I'm returning to my old ways. I've started the ridiculous workout routines, along with the calorie counting and food restriction. I don't know where I'm going from here because I can't return to marijuana because of my career choice. I want to lose weight of course but im afraid to slip back into the hands of anorexia. There is no doubt that being a little obsessive compulsive leads the way to these disorders. Like i said before, I wish i could talk to a male who knew what I was going through. I would like to hear anybody's input.