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Whats going wrong with me?
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lostkate posted:
Its becoming harder to eat anything, it could be fruit, a meal, a snack, drinking. Every time I bring something to my mouth to eat I think about how I look and my weight. I have become very conscious of how I look, I hate the way I look. I kept telling myself Im ok but just doing that makes me realized things are not going well for me if I have to tell myself Im ok. I feel like such a loser these days.
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Kate,

It's been a stressful time. This is where therapy could help. (((hugs)))

If appearance is the issue, you have to take care of your body and that means eating healthy... your choices and portions. Would it help with that mindset if you didn't deny yourself food but gave yourself the gift of healthy choices? Healthy choices will not add weight to you.

Please actually write down ALLLLLLLLL the things you have tried and achieved this year to remind yourself just how much of a loser you are NOT. You have a very difficult time giving yourself credit for what you do and are, and tend to focus on the negative. We can all have that tendency and it's up to each of us to fight that.

Please fight it, Kate. You have a good mind and you can use this self-awareness to make some changes in your thought patterns.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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lostkate replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
I really dont have a therapist anymore. My last therapist never made a regular appointment with me, I guess she didnt feel I needed to see her every two weeks, even though I felt I needed it and told her too.

I know I always dwell on the negative, I need to stop doing that.

I went to the doctors yesterday because I havent been feeling well since that bad cold I had few weeks ago. My blood pressure was 98/56 or 96/58 I cant remember, either way its really low and Im dehydrated on top of that. I really am trying to eat healthy but its so hard to eat at all. Im always tired, which I thought I was just getting depressed.


Work has been a big stresser for me this week. I trained someone who now has taken my job. Everyone in the office sees what happened. They all know she has no idea what she is doing, which really frustrates me because I had the office running so smoothly now its a mess. So many things are falling through the cracks which will eventually effect the business and I can see it closing, then were will I be, out of a job again. I cant afford that. Someone talked me out of just walking out the other day, she kept remind me how much I need this job until Im done with school and go get a new one. I hoping by June I could start applying for new job. Hopefully nothing will happen between now and June with this job, so I could pay my bills.

Im sorry Im running on here.
I will stop now.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to lostkate's response:
I hope the business stays open long enough to suit your needs, Kate. And I know how that can go, training others who end up messing things all up.

No wonder you're tired and feeling off, if your BP is that low. I know that can really impact me too, as well as being dehydrated. Did that serve as a wake up call to you at all?

Whether tired or not, whether you feel like it or not, you need to eat. And you know that not eating and drinking healthy can impact your thinking.

Use that good mind of yours, Kate, and please take steps to take care of yourself. (((hugs)))
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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lostkate replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Yes it was a wake up call. I started drinking more water today and eating more. I know this is really messing up my thinking. I pretty much stepped a side at work, if she wants to be the boss, go for it. I dont need the stress anymore, I go in, do my work then go home. Hopefully by June I will be done with enough classes to take the certification for Medical Coding to get a new job.

Ive consider calling my therapist and seeing if I could make an appointment, still on the fence, not sure it will help much.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to lostkate's response:
Good to hear about the water and eating. Just know that you may need more than water to get your electrolytes balanced again along with getting hydrated.

Less stress is always good. You don't want to continue in this job past June anyway, so who needs the headaches of being the boss?

Did you end up calling your therapist?
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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lostkate replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Yes I did call my therapist. She was able to see me this afternoon. I ended up filling up with tears on the way home. Most of the night has gone down hill since, now Im just fighting back the tears and want to sleep. I cant handle what therapy does to me, how it brings up so many feelings. I dont know what to do with them and it just makes me feel more alone.

 
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lostkate replied to lostkate's response:
That should have been a sad face, Im not sure what smiley that is.

 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to lostkate's response:
Have you ever spent a session with your therapist just talking about how to deal with a session once you leave it, how to keep yourself safe, how to process it without it dragging you down so much?

Therapy IS hard, I know, but no wonder it's hard to get yourself to it each time when this is your experience. Maybe she may have some reassurances and/or tips on how to take care of yourself afterwards. (((hugs)))
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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lostkate replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
On my way home I text her telling her how I felt, unsure of why Im crying. She text me back and said "I can not tell u exactly why you feel the way u do. Perhaps talking is allowing u to cry which is good but not while driving, pull over, breathe and email later, tell me what comes up.", I did email her, several times on how I was. She answered me few hours ago, it all really said was wish I could help you more. I really dont feel a session will help. I feel like Dorothy in the The Wizard of Oz, I dont think there is anything in that black bag that good help me. Im drained, really really tired, physically and emotionally. I feel really alone now and want to be left alone.

Thank you Caprice for all your help.
 
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lostkate replied to lostkate's response:
I should have re-read what I wrote, I miss the old editing we used to have, anyway, I meant to say "I dont think there is anything in that black Bag that could help me."
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to lostkate's response:
To carry on with your Wizard of Oz analogy.... looking behind the curtain takes a lot of effort and can be difficult, but getting to the core of things is what leads you to the light (or home again).

Be gentle with yourself. Her tip on breathing is a good one. Ride it out, allow the emotions. It really is okay to cry.

But beyond that, dear Kate, please be gentle with yourself. Once you get home, do you do anything for yourself? I don't mean big stuff, just little things to care for yourself? What are they?
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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lostkate replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Wow, damn your good.

I have gotten so close to core of things but I never will be home. I stop myself from crying because it only hurts to know Im alone in my tears, there is no one there to hold me, to give me their shoulder to lean on. For me it is better not to cry then to feel my pain and then the pain of crying alone.

Once I get home, Im usually exhausted and sleep. I try to forget but I find myself processing things all over again until I finally give up, never finding the true answers, only ones I give myself to get passed the pain, then tell myself Im never going back.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to lostkate's response:
I have often thought, regarding my own life's challenges, that it's much harder to be brave when there's no one around to witness the pain and the bravery. (((hugs)))

What answers are you looking for, Kate? To process what, explain what?

Can you allow yourself processing time in therapy or if/when you journal, but otherwise put it aside so it's not constantly plaguing you?
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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lostkate replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
I dont know what answers Im looking for. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw that question was "Who am I?".

Processing what I had discussed in session, I always find myself thinking about it for a few days after. I dont journal anymore, I find it hard to write what Im feeling. It gets all jumble in my head. I need to stop thinking so much, maybe let myself feel again.


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