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Bulimia - lasting mental damage
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An_242520 posted:
Hi, I have never asked for advice through a website such as this but felt compelled to do so today.. I am a 25 year old female training to be a teacher and am feeling increasingly lost everyday. I have suffered from depression and bulimia for five years (I have overcome the binging and purging of bulimia over the last year but my attitude towards food is still very unhealthy) and it comes in waves. For months on end I can appear to be fine, but I have have days, weeks and months where I cant even get out of bed. I have been prescribed fluoxetine for the bulimia and the depression which I am no longer on. I stopped taking them after one year and I felt brilliant, but I am slowly descending into a 'dark place' where I find it difficult to do everyday things like wash, cook, feed the cats, eat properly.

I can see it happening and am trying to see clearly. The most frustrating thing is that I know I have to get on with things but I just freeze. If I am on the sofa, knowing I have to do some studying, I can't move. I stay still on the sofa and start to get hot flushes. I know this sounds so silly - that I KNOW what to do but cant do it.....

My partner is also depressed and is studying hard for his MA. I have to do so much planning for my teaching course and I am finding it more difficult to concentrate. I was so optimistic on NYs day and I really want to get into exercise but don't know where to start. I don't have a local gym or swimming pool and dont drive.

I have felt like this for two months now and feel sad/apprehensive/worried everytime I wake up. Today is a particularly bad day.... I am supposed to be doing work but I am sitting here writing this. I feel like there is a huge black cloud inside my body filling every part of myself. I know that is a strange way of putting it. People often talk about a black cloud hanging over their head but for me it is inside.

My father is an alcoholic with dementia who lives in a care home so that is on my mind a lot. I had been drinking a lot but stopped completely on New Years day. I have not had a drink or cigarette since then. That is a huge step for me so i am proud of myself but I am still concerned about my attitude towards a lot of things which should be taking priority (university work) I know the course is hard and to a certain point I wonder if everybody feels the same as me and I am just exaggerating my own feelings towards it. I don't know...

I will be surprised if anybody replies as I am aware I have written an essay here... lol Perhaps my main reason for writing this is some kind of therapy as I can write freely without anybody judging me.
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi and welcome to WebMD,

You wrote as much as you needed to and I hope you give yourself credit for doing THAT too, reaching out. That takes action on your part.

It sounds like you have a lot going on and I'm so impressed that you have stopped drinking and smoking through this! (I also quit smoking during a very stressful year so it is doable.)

Since the medication helped in the past, have you considered returning to it?

And in all that, you never mentioned therapy. That may be something that could be very helpful to you.

This board can be a bit quiet but more and more are finding their way here. I hope you'll keep talking here and that doing so is helpful to you.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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intrepidlover responded:
Firstly, the cause of depression could be negative thinking like Basic diseases of brain: being selfish, you think superior to others and try to have fun with that, or hate someone, yet you like being in his company, jealousy, greed.
Actually it could be anything related to these thoughts which when you have brooded upon, find it negative. You might feel insecure if you try to get rid of them. Its for your good to get rid of them as soon as possible.
So, you need to check these thoughts and kill them completely and thereby stop this further production of 'black cloud'. (Actually you are right about it. Some people get it around the chest which even 'darkens' your vision. my cousin sister has been suffering from depression, suicidal tendencies, excessive attachment, guilt etc since childhood. Through my observation I have discovered (beyond doubt) that she is arrogantly selfish and it is a kind of permanent thought process that one get out of spontaneous learning(in experience). I have told her to stop being selfish but she didn't take it and denied it.)
I am mentioning an exercise which will not vanish this black cloud (for that take appropriate psychotropic medicine) but it will give you strength.
Sit on a chair with spine straight, chest out, shoulders pulled back. Breathe in through your nose slowly and deeply into your chest, hold the in-breath AND AT THE SAME TIME TRY TO INHALE MORE AND MORE AIR INTO YOUR LUNGS through your nose so that you feel a pressure or a strain, hold this position for as long as you can, now slowly breathe out through the MOUTH.
Repeat this exercise as many times as you could. 5-10 times a day. No nutrition required to make this exercise efficacious.
Also listen to your inner self which means that does it try to stop you from doing, speaking or thinking of something. If you find something of that sort, follow it and also write it down somewhere.
For example, i was reading a poll in which someone asked whether he can allow his spouse to have sex with another person and enjoy seeing that. To this 89% of people said no. Its a naturally positive response that these people do have a connection with their inner self. It is not their thinking that stops them from such an act, it is their inner self, a product of nature that stops them from doing it.


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