Eating Disorders Community

Hello-

I'm 28 and have been dealing with my acute disordered eating for a little over a year. It's changed a lot over time; I've engaged in pretty much every form of disordered eating (and exercise) that exists. Currently I swing between binging and purging, and basically starvation, eating as few calories per day as I possibly can.

I've been in therapy this whole time (for about 2.5 years, actually) and it's not really helped a ton (clearly). I very recently decided to seek further treatment for the ED stuff, because it's not getting better, and I recognize that it is destructive, takes up all my time and attention, and is physically hurting me.

This weekend was really hard, emotionally. I felt so emotional, so sad, and then last night I got really hopeless. I was trying to explain it and the best that I could say is that everything felt really ominous and I didn't want to do anything and I was totally overwhelmed and anxious. I was paralyzing-the overwhelmed feelings, how hopeless it felt, dreading everyting. Today, I barely got myself up, and in the middle of the day, I couldn't even get myself to do the poses in yoga so I got up and left and went to the counseling center (I am a graduate student). There, the woman that I saw really did not help at all. She seemed confused by the possibility of my situation, and she wanted me to tell her what I needed. I felt that I just needed help-if I knew what I needed, I would have already done that myself. I really never ask for help so for me to reach out was huge. I've spoken with my parents as well and they are helping me to call people, but really, what is going on and what I ought to do about it are two things that I need to figure out.

Is this depression? Panic attack? It isn't "normal" for me to feel things this intensely. Sure, I've become less interested in things gradually over time, but this was a major nosedive off of some emotional cliff. Could it just be because of the ED? Because I'm starving? Did something just snap? Mostly right now I am trying to manage things so that I don't have to just quit my life as I know it in order to deal with this stuff; I want to preserve the life that I'm pretty sure that I will want to return to once these feelings simmer down.

I've taken anxiety meds in the past; that's another possibility.

Any and all advice is totally welcome. I also really know that I need to have further, specific treatment for the EDs, but right now it is very hard to get myself to eat.

Thank you.....