Eating Disorders Community

I struggled with anorexia this Summer, and after going to the hospital with a heart rate of 39, I am now recovering. I never really got into the full blown eating disorder, but I exercised way too much and was not eating sufficiently. It only happened basically over the course of one or two months in which I lost 27 pounds. I was burning more calories than I was eating. I say that I did not have a full blown eating disorder, because I had my passion for synchronized ice skating to motivate me to get better. I also left the program I was in after two days and did not feel the same as the other girls there. I now work with a nutritionist. My doctor says she wants me to get up to 120 pounds, and I am 5'2''. Right now I'm almost at 119 pounds, so I am very close. The problem for me is that I was never really at "too low of a weight." I got to 109 pounds, and that is a healthy weight for a 5'2'' girl. But because I am extremely athletic and I do not have my period, my doctor says I HAVE to weigh more than the average person, and I don't understand this. I tell myself that I look fine, but I am very uncomfortable with the weight gain. I also tell myself that I have a skewed perception of my body, and I really am not fat, BUT because I was not ever in a full blown disorder, I feel this is not valid, and I really am as heavy as I feel. I don't really tell anybody this in fear that they will not let me ice skate. Some nights I get so frustrated with the fact that I have to gain weight. It's just not fair. Any advice would be helpful, thank you