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So Frustrated
teentranslator posted:
LOL I thought I was recovered. I was bulimic... Then anorexic.... Then "bulimerexic"... Apparently after battling this crap for 10+ years I just got creative. I went to 8 rehabs, tried the crystal meth diet, and almost killed myself. 2 years ago, I was told I was going into early menapause after not having a period for so long and I just decided it was time to stop. I was 24. Here I am at 26, finishing my psych degree (I know, I'm on the 12 year plan apparently) and I got certified in life coaching and built a site around teens struggling with this. I don't know if it was moving in with my boyfriend, trying to actually accomplish something for once, or just me being myself, but I started throwing up again. Not regularily, but when I get drastically stressed. My health is beginning to deteriorate and my body has had enough of this. If I vomit once, my day, night, and the following 24 hours seem to be ruined. I get exhausted, pains in my stomach, and have trouble keeping anything down though I do get hungry. I was fine for 2 years... Can anyone relate or give me some kind of feedback? Should I quit my pursuit to help other people?? I thought I'd be the best clinical therapist because I truly know what it's like and now I just feel like a failure.... AAAAAH. Also, I thought I had strep throat last night, but I don't have a fever. Is is possible that I my ears, nose, and throat hurt so bad because I have been throwing up? I've already had to go to the ER from my throat bleeding...
lostkate responded:
I feel we will struggle with our eating disorders for the rest of our lives. Just how severe depends on us. Sometimes it could be trigger by whats going on our lives, I know after years, of what I thought was recovery, it all came back. Have you tried talking to a therapist? I would not quit trying to help others, the best therapists are people who can walk the walk and talk the talk. You will get through this.

intrepidlover responded:
Firstly, you should NEVER quit helping people. It is your only way of experiencing unconditional love and connection with nature.
I am mentioning a way by which you can gain control over what you eat and how much you eat. This exercise will tell you what is good for you at the present moment.
Whenever you eat, eat very slowly. Try to enjoy every bit of it as intensely as you could.
After you have had your meal, revisit your experience of eating that meal. Imagine the taste of it, How did you feel. If possible think of every minute detail.
Now type it on your laptop as lucidly and expressively as you could.
During the day, whenever you get time, read what you had written but don't try to re-experience it. just know the fact.
Now next day when you eat a meal, don't think that you have re-experience and write about it. This new meal is a new experience.
Follow the above procedure again and again. Don't strain. Don't deliberate your observation, it should come of its own.
With practice, you will start gaining awareness of the food you eat and how it is affecting you.
For example, i have discovered that when i eat a pizza made out of white bread, i feel like eating fast and more. Then many more observations, that led to me new conclusions. So basically i can control what food i want to eat and how much i should eat, and which is the best for me.

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