Eating Disorders Community

Guys have the problem too. I've had it for a long time now, mostly because I was bullied when I was younger from kids at school and my family. At any family parties growing up they would always comment on the amount of food I was eating anytime I would eat. I not only had it from my family but also at school where kids called me fat. I was just a kid then, i'm 20 now but I am still suffering. I weigh around 110 pounds and i'm 5'6 but recently it's been worse, not only am I faced with celebrities like Zac Efron or Taylor Lautner or the media pushing images of celebrities saying this is how we should look to be attractive I am also suffering from friends who are into fitness and who have been commenting on what I eat. They tell me I eat too they little, or if I do eat more they point out that I'll gain weight. They also enjoy rubbing it in my face that they have abs and how much they work out. It didn't help one of these "friends" ruined it between me and a girl I liked, because he moved in and took her. Anyways I am constantly pinching my sides to check my size, checking calories, running constantly, starring in the mirror at my stomach, and now I'm going to start to take diet pills. I know i'm hurting myself but i have no confidence in myself and I honestly don't care if I do hurt myself, I just want to be thinner. It also sucks because I don't want to get help to overcome this, I'm afraid that if I get help for it then I'll get fat. I just want to be thinner.