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I'm venting
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amyrmca posted:
Please know that I mean no disrespect to any one or to offend anyone. I'm learning a lot about seizures/epilepsy and how to cope with it. These last few weeks have been very stressful for me and I've had some big questions. I'm not sure where to even start. My mind is going non stop. It goes while I'm sleeping, eating, watching TV. Very rarely does my mind just shut up these days.
The main thing/person stressing me out is his mom. I can't imagine having a child whom I had to worry about them having seizures. I understand her concern but I don't know how much is concern and how much is her controlling. Like I said, I can't even imagine her life these last few years, his seizures and her having to worry about him but at the same time I think she should back off of him a bit and cut the apron strings.
She is using the seizures and sleep walking against him and as a way to keep him under her control. For instance, she told him and I that he should move out and into an apartment because of his seizures and epilepsy. She said that he would be alone for a week and she didn't want him sleep walking out of the apartment and hurting himself or anything. I understand that but at some point she has to let him live his life. I just think she needs to let him go. No, I'm not saying cut ties, what I am saying is to loosen her grip on him. She tries to use the seizures to tell him when to sleep, be home, eat, breath, blink. She says the sleep walking his him having a seizure. I'm not sure. I know plenty of people who sleep walk but yet don't have seizures. But it may go hand in hand with him. I'm not sure. As much as I understand her concern I also think he should be able to have a life.
Isn't he capable of having a life?
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dancer86442 responded:
Amy,

Honey your posts do Not offend Anyone! No Way! Venting is just 1 of many things we Do encourage. Whether from 'caretakers' or People w/ EP. Know we Do Care & Listen!

I wish I could wave a Magic Wand & help you. But, honey, the 'ball is in your Fiances Court'. Whatever/whenever he decides. I'm sure the 2 of you have discussed everything you have told us.

I Still think Mom is a Total Ignoramus! She may be worried about her son. Natural! We do worry about our kids, even after they are grown. But, I Still Think she is carrying it a bit to far. I thin I said this B4, so, bear w/ me if I am repeating myself. One of the First things I learned from this Support Group & other sites Confirmed it, is this: Continue to Treat your Children as if Everything is 'Normal'! They Are Still Normal despite Ep!

In other words: YES! he is capable of living/having a Life of his Own! There may be Some limitations, as you well know. But, there is absolutely nothing he can't do if he puts his mind to it. Including 'cuttin the apron strings'!

Honey, I just returned from a trip of 3700 miles on the back end of a motorcycle.

There are people out there who were/are Famous & had/have EP! There are people w/ EP who are finishing College &/or working, playing JUST LIKE NORMAL FOLKS!

Your BF needs to have a Sleep Study done to see if his sleepwalking is part & partial w/ his EP! It could be he is having an 'Aura' thus walking around. Or it could just be that he sleep walks & a coincidence that a seizure Mite happen. Only further Testing will disclose what's what!

Vent all ya want. Keep asking questions/learning. Visit Phylis site epilepsytalk.com & use the Search Tool to read about Famous People w/ EP. No need to join to read her articles! I AGREE W? YOU! He needs to be able to have a Life! Again: The Ball is in His Court. Hopefully, he will Face this & come to terms w/ gettin away from Mom! HUGS!

Love Candi
 
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saxofone1 responded:
Hi amy,

YES HE IS CAPABLE OF HAVING A LIFE, HIS OWN LIFE!!!

My mom was like that when I first starting having seizures...when I moved away from my parents...and she continues to do so since I moved to Vegas with my parents in '07.

I'm on the verge of moving out to my own apartment again. Just waiting for the opportunity. She is not happy about it because it's a distance from her(about a 40 min drive by freeway.) Yes, peace once more!!!!

I miss having a place of my own. LIving alone never made my seizures any worse. I handled them with no problem.

During the time I lived alone, I was employed full-time, part-time, and seasonal.

If she keeps trying to hold him, he will never have the chance to find his life away from epilepsy. She is being selfish as well as controlling.

If she is stressing you out about all this, think how he feels. Wanting to move forward but possibly fearful of hurting his mother's feelings, fearful that he has abandoned her. Not true!!!

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking about my situation. Will my mother be okay without me? I think she will. And so does everyone else. She depends on me more than me on her.

She is going to have to learn to depend on someone else. For whatever reason. My mom is used to taking care of people and has this thing that she is needed. I move and what does she have? He moves and his mother has lost someone who SHE WANTS to be dependant on her.

Yes, she needs to cut those strings. He needs to hand her the scissors.

People with ep or other medical conditions always have the hardest time with family(paric the moms). We remain their babies no matter what we have been able to do w/o them. Sometimes they resent what one has accomplished. They forget that they left home. Maybe not with a medical condition, but they did grow up and leave.

YES, HE IS CAPABLE OF A LIFE AWAY FROM HIS MOTHER!! HE DESERVES A LIFE WHERE HE IS FREE TO CHOSE FOR HIMSELF.

Rant when you need to. Don't give in to her ways 'cause she will start to expect that always. Stay strong as possible. Hang in there.

angie
 
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saxofone1 replied to saxofone1's response:
PS,

YOU HAVEN'T OFFENDED ANYONE!

ANGIE
 
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hula_dancer73 responded:
he is capable of haing his own life and doing what he watns to do.

I have had ep all my life but it has been documented for 10 years.

no one picked up on it they all thought it was behaviour.

when I got to college I finished witha degree in Health Care Related Services with a minor in Psychology.

I got married young had 2 kids and lived around my mom alot. In her house, finally our house, and she was not the apron strings person, although she did NOT like it when we moved to Honolulu, Hawi'i.

Jasyn got a promotion and a chance to get higher up and get more money so he took the job in HI. HE now works in Straub Hospital in honolulu.

She does not like the fact tha I am that far away and she can not see me that much at all any more. She has been here for a total of 6 times in just a lttle over 2 years.

I had a 13 year old die just before we left. She had a rare form of JME or Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy. She was only 13 yrs old. I still have a 16 yr old at home.

my dad was the control freak and told me hngs like "you will never have any friends, or you will never amount to anything or you will never got to college much less finish it, you are not worth it enought to have e friends to date, and you will never get married OR have kids". not all at once though but he told me those things. He lives in MI so does my brother and she lives in PHX and I live in HI. I did everything he said I would never do or be.

I have szs biit my husband and daughter help me alot. I am not worried about it at all.

hula_dancer


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