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ED or psychological??
An_200218 posted:
My husband and I (me 33, him 37) have been married 9 years and have a very happy loving marriage...however, for the last 2 years or so, during intercourse my husband ejaculates very quickly(5-45 seconds)...mostly I am ok with this because I enjoy the intimacy we share even if the intercourse is limited...but lately(last year or so) I have become sort of frustrated by this...I feel bad even admitting this because I feel like a "bad" wife. I try not to seem too dissappointed b/c I don't want to stress my husband out more than he already is over this, but we do have pretty good commmunication, so when we do talk about it I tell him I would like a bit longer intercourse but that I mostly greatly enjoy the experience for it's other sexual intimacies.

Thing is I think it's really getting to my husband!!! He is sort of obsessed with it and this is definetly making it worse. But now it seems to be a visious cycle of quick ejacualtion, followed by my reassurance and then his frustration, which leads to his anxiety level rising and then there we go again!! How do I end this? Doctor? Sex therapist? Meds?
We've tried "tantric techniques"...prolonged foreplay...changing positions...stimulating him other ways to "build up his tolerance"...not much luck with those tips.
(I do orgasm from oral stimulation and this has been fine, but I guess I would still like to orgasm from intercourse, without being too personal it is my favorite and was never a problem in the past for us)
ontbear responded:
Anon_7015: Hi from a guy ... hope I might have some suggestions. Does your husband basturbate on a regular basis? If he does not he may want to do so on the "day of possible" sex. This will give him a retarded sexual response. If he can masturbate prior to intercourse, this may give him more time prior to ejaculation after regaining an erection. Good luck
An_200219 responded:
When something like this happens, some guys get defensive when they have reassurance, and while we as women are usually "nurturers" and offer reassurance, men are usually "fixers" and sometimes resent our reassurance, because it doesnt "fix" the problem. I dont know how to stop it from happening, and I'm not sure how to be tactful about it without reassurance, but that might be why he is beginning to kind of obsess about it, he may be assuming you are just saying its ok to make him feel better, and that you are actually disappointed in him, which may be making him obsess about "fixing" the problem. I would urge you to have him get a complete physical, plus some singles and couples counseling. Even if it is a completely physical problem, it is causing emotional issues, and at any rate, a little counseling never hurt anyone )
Sheldon Marks, MD responded:
Premature ejaculation is a tough issue for both partners. There are some medications (SSRI) designed for depression, with a known side effect of delayed ejaculation. Having him take one the day of sex can be very effective, and restore his confidence and eliminate anxiety. Seeing a licensed sex therapist (Masters degree or PhD) can also be very effective, and is probably the mot common reason for couples to see a sex therapist. The idea of his ejaculating the day you plan to have sex may help too.

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