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Unable to ejaculate during sex
An_200367 posted:
I am 50 years old, 290 lbs. I had a long dry spell sexually (10 years) where there was no sexual activity other than masturbation.

Now I am in a relationship and have found I have ED.

There is some problem with achieving an erection. I used to be able to just think about sex and get an erection. Now it requires manual stimulation. I have tried Viagra which is somewhat of an aid in this area.

However I am unable to achieve and orgasm / ejaculation during sex.

I can achieve orgasm with masturbation but it takes at least 45 mins of stimulation.

is there a homeopathic treatment (or other treatment) to increase sensitivity or to aid in orgasm/ejaculation.

I went to my doctor and ran all the appropriate tests and everything checks out fine. No medications other than some low dose pain relievers and such.

Anyone with ideas?
An_200368 responded:
This is probably not as uncommon as I thought. I'm only 38 years old, 180 lbs and I have the same problem as you. Cialis has helped me maintain an erection but not to achieve an orgasm.
I also have noticed that since a few months ago I wake up at least 3 times during the night to urinate, and go to the restroom more often during the day as well.
I hope we are not looking at some prostate problem here. I will get my analysis results in 2 weeks.
Keep us posted if you find out anything about this problems.
Jac0626 replied to An_200368's response:
already had my PSA (Prostate test) both the exam and the blood tests. All good as far as my doctor said. I'm not having the urination problems as you stated either.
Texasred45 responded:
I've got the same problem, and I was really hopinig to find a solution in this thread!
I'm 61, 6'-4 and 210 lbs (i.e.,not overweight) never smoked, good prostate health per PSA test and bendover test, previous high-bloddpressure now controlled with drugs.
I aam also coming off about a 10 year dry-spell (i.e., marriage) and while I can orgasm via intercourse, it takes a long long time!
I use Cialis, which I have found to be very effective, and while it initially produced some undesirable side effects (flushing, mild headache, etc.) with continued use those have all gone away.
Fortunately, I have a rather understanding gf, and she doesn't usually consider it to be a problem that I take a long time <grin> but she does get frustrated sometimes since she'd like to know that she pleases me.

Could this be psychological at all? I sometimes feel that I have some of the symptoms of ADD, and perhaps an inability to focus inhibits orgasm?
Then too, I sometimes find myself thinking of my wife's comments "Aren't you done yet?" and that ends it for me.

Ideas, anyone?
- TR
An_200369 replied to Texasred45's response:
I'm worried that this is an addiction type issue. Nobody loves us like ourselves. After a few years of only masturbation you are pretty much doing exactly what you need to be satisfied. Or maybe something like an addiction to porn. though while I used porn, the actual masturbation was done later to fantasies in my head. These would be psychological issues.

My new gf is semi understanding, though she says that it does make her feel guilty that she is unable to make me orgasm. The inability to get off has me acting like a 17 year old idiot again infatuated with sex and trying everything to get off.

She enjoys the long running sex but multiple times a day is 'wearing her out'. And yes, when I am having sex with her and she starts telling me to come, it is pretty much over at that point, too much stress from me to have her start.

I was hoping to find out something, somewhere, when somebody managed to fix this or at least get some type of fix.
Texasred45 replied to An_200369's response:
I don't know that masturbation addiction is my issue, exactly: while I have done that, it was relatively infrequently, and now that I have a gf, it is completely unnecessary.

I can certainly relate to the "acting like a 17-year-old again" and being infatuated with sex, though: that's me!

One interesting thing I noted is that (and this was with a previous gf, quite a long time ago) when she'd start telling me "Just come," - but gently, not in a demanding way, not as if she was irritated or annoyed - it was an instant aphrodisiac, Almost as if her giving me permission was all I needed, aor like it got me focused on the task at hand.
Update: I was with my gf last night and our activities met with success! Not as quickly as I might have liked, but success!
The only thing we did differently was to adjust our technique, in the missionary position so I had more control, but arranged so we only were touching in one place. Then I could easily focus on that place and what was going on there, and that seemed to be all it took.
An_200370 replied to Texasred45's response:
good for you.

I had thought things were going better for me. Faster and better erections without the use of medications (viagra etc). the ability to maintain an erection longer etc. Things getting better slowly and so on.

However the mental side has reared its ugly head. My new gf has put her foot down so to speak. She is very upset that I cannot orgasm during sex. "I never had to work before to get a guy off, they just got off." was one of the 'fun' quotes during that little conversation.

oh well the bright side is without a relationship I didn't even know I had the problem.

good luck all
Texasred45 replied to An_200370's response:
The mental side is probably equally important, and if your partner is - how shall I put this? - a self-centered beeyotch! it really makes things difficult. My gf is very understanding, and wants to please me as much as I do her; that makes for a very rewarding relationship.
And yes, I *DO* know how fortunate I am! I have dated (and been married to) other women who are not so considerate...

I'd still like to find a solution that didn't require hours of sex to achieve orgasm, since my gf is very adept at bring me "back to life" afterwards, so we can continue if we so desire.
ErectileDysfunction responded:
With regard to homeopathic remedies there are sprays you can use to increase sensitivity but not all homeopathic remedies work for all people. So it will be trial and error.

Weight and age could be a factor so you can change those by exercising a bit more and taking antioxidants. WebMD have a good section on changing lifestyle factors:

You could look at in their accupuncture section or homeopathic section. have a few blog posts on natural remedies and ingredients to look for.
Texasred45 replied to ErectileDysfunction's response:
Yes, overall health is certainly an important point; in the past year I've dropped about 35 lbs, to 210, and at 6'-4 I wasn't terribly obese to begin with. My cardiologist told me frankly I was in better cardiovascular condition than he is - he's 38 - and I've really cut back on sugar and beer, but... Beer is really the next best thing if you're not having a big 'O'! lol
I can't do a thing about the fact my 62nd birthday is bearing down on me, but I can still outrun my teenage son!

I am beginning to think it's mostly in my head though: I've spent so many years with a wife who is VERY easy to pleasure, and whose number one interest after this happens to go to sleep as quickly as she can, that I am simply not expecting satisfaction in an encounter. I think I've forgotten how!
I trust my girfriend though, to bring me around!
- TR
Texasred45 replied to Texasred45's response:
OK, it *WAS* "all in my head," apparently: the diffiiculty in having orgasms, or downright inability for several years now, disappeared entirely a few nights ago!!!
I had an encounter with a very exciting new woman, one with whom I had been carrying on an increasingly-explicit email foreplay for several days. We had worked each other into such a state that what was intended to be a fairly conventional "date" ended within a half hour with us returning to her house to have (literally) explosive sex! In fact, I had to concentrate hard to avoid the OPPOSITE problem!

Now I've got to see if I can figure out "what went right?" I fear that it was that I simply made no extraordinary effort to please her, as I often tend to do. I was physically rather than mentally involved. Was it all the "e-play" in the days preceding our encounter? I hate to think it was because I looked upon this as merely recreational sex, since I have no intention of having any kind of relationship with her. In fact, I'd rather not see her again, except that we run in the same social circles and it can't be avoided!
Rats: this is just so complicated!
- TR
Jac0626 replied to Texasred45's response:
yes very complicated. I am exploring suppliments as a possibility. My GF went away for a few days. I decided to end my frustration manually etc etc, but it was over almost before I had begun. So now I am wondering what the hell is up.
Sheldon Marks, MD responded:
your excess weight may be your culprit- the extra fat around your gut is hormonally active and converts testosterone to estrogen. that change in the delicate balance of your hormones can mess with sex, sex drive, erections and achieving orgasm. talk to your doctor about an intelligent exercise program and diet. Fast diet plans dod not work.
Sheldon Marks, MD replied to Jac0626's response:
The more you think about sex problems the more you are stressed or anxious, the more problems you can have. Your brain is not designed to work while your penis is working. It is all or none for both. Try to just let things happen. I know, easy to say but it is true.
mn715 replied to Sheldon Marks, MD's response:
I am 18 years old and 210 lbs about 5'10" tall and have the same problem that i am unable to achieve an orgasm during any form of sex besides masturbation i was on prozak (fluoxitine) as well as abilify for two years and had a testicle that did not properly descend and had to be removed at an early age would any of this be a factor. i only ask because to my knowledge the gentlemen that have weighed in on this are much older then me

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