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He doesn't seem to mind his ED
worried4us posted:
LONG POST (my first time here):

I am a beautiful, loving middle aged woman in a 6-month relationship with a 57-y-o guy. We love each other and both feel lucky to be in this relationship. The main problem is that he has ED and doesn't seem to care. He never gets an erection from being aroused when we're starting to fool around, no matter how sexy we feel. When I go down on him, he eventually gets hard, but then usually his erection goes away when we proceed to have intercourse. The only way we can ever had intercourse is in the missionary position. When I try to get on top or have sex with him behind me, he gets soft. I wonder if he thinks I'm too aggressive, even though I have been nothing but patient, loving, and supportive.

In the early weeks of getting together, he kept saying how wonderful I was to be so patient and understanding, that "most women would have thrown him out of bed" (I don't agree with that), and how frustrated he was because of how much he wanted to make love to me. When I suggested he might see a doctor, he avoided the subject. I know it's embarrassing for a man to talk about this issue with a doc. But I want him to go, both out of concern for his health and wanting to have a better sex life.

I recently brought up the problem, being oh-so-careful not to blame or shame him. I picked a time when we were not in bed, and not after a lovemaking session. We were just sitting alone talking comfortably. I said that I wanted our sex life to be even more fulfilling for both of us, and he answered that it was fine with him! I said something another time about improving our sex life for both of us, and he brushed me off, saying he was happy with us and didn't have any complaints. He totally avoids the subject and acts like he's completely satisfied with the way things are (he makes love to me beautifully -- the only thing I'm missing is intercourse). He doesn't seem to mind at all that we have a sexual problem. I don't want to hurt him by saying that I DO care and please see a doctor. I haven't been able to bring the subject up again. I'm sure he does mind and that he worries about it all the time. Now he just mainly avoids sex with me most of the time, even passionate kissing.

What can I say and how do I approach him about this without upsetting him or making him feel pressured? I want this relationship to work. I really care about him, but I love sex too and don't want to go the rest of my life without having intercourse if there's a solution.

Help! Please advise me on what I might say to get across that I'm not satisfied without wounding him. Also, I'm concerned about his health. How might I appoach the subject again without seeming like a nag?

Also, I realize that his problem could be emotional or psychological, not just physical. Maybe he doesn't want to look at himself that way. I don't know what to do. We sleep together almost every night, but most of the time I lie there just waiting for him to make a move -- and he doesn't. I'm afraid to initiate, because I don't want to pressure him.

This problem could eventually lead to a painful break-up if we can't talk about it and address it. What can I do?

I welcome any advice. Thanks.
bestowsoftwarechor responded:
really the bad
diabetesfighter responded:
It sounds like it might just be a physiological problem. However, I'm also not a doctor. One thing you could try without him going to a doctor is using a Vacuum Therapy System. Pos-t-Vac makes one that I have and use and is FDA approved. You can get one that is over the counter, and that you can bring up to him.

I'm sorry to hear what is going on but let us know also what you try. Hope my advice works!

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