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Probably the most detailed ED question on this site. PLEASE read... 26/M
An_200502 posted:
Ok, I have struggled with this on and off for at least 5 years, and I think it is time I finally put myself out there and see if I should be worried. I know it is a bit long, but I think it covers all bases, and will help many people who DON'T go into such detail.

I have been sexually active for roughly 7 years. At least 5 years ago, I started noticing that I had trouble getting erections. I know that a lot of the time, it is all mental, but it was happening quite often. Even when I DID get an erection.. it wasn't a GOOD one, so to speak. It would be a very average erection and was sometimes barely enough to have sex. As some background information, I am 6ft tall and 170 lbs, in good physical shape but I DO live a sedentary lifestyle (I don't workout at all). I also don't eat extremely healthy, but I also don't eat terribly bad either.

One thing I have always noticed, is that if I masturbate or have sex, a few hours later if I get another erection, that erection is MUCH harder. Not sure if that is helpful, but I have always found that interesting.

I also notice that if the girl that I am attempting to have sex with is just a random girl (someone who I JUST want to have sex with and am not interested in having an actual relationship with), then I usually have no problem getting an erection. But if it is a girlfriend or someone I care about, it is much harder. I have NEVER had a problem getting an erection during masturbation, only when attempting to have intercourse. And I also have experienced losing erections DURING sex (although this may be attributed to lack of desire in those encounters).

One last thing, I think this is due to the TYPE of masturbation I perform. I have never really used lube. I got circumcised about 3 years ago, and before and after that, I have just used my hand in a stroking motion. So I am assuming that this has somehow affected my sensitivity. But over the past year, I have developed a strange form of masturbation. I keep my penis in my underwear, grab it with the tips of my fingers THROUGH my jeans/pants/underwear, and basically just jerk it in all directions in a "tugging" motion for lack of a better word.

Lastly, I have also always felt a lack of sexual desire. I don't seem to have the sex drive that most men have when it comes to having a woman in my bed. But, while masturbating, I have the desires of a teenage, hormone-filled boy. I am now with a BEAUTIFUL woman and we have already discussed future plans and plan on having children and getting married, and over the past week or so... I can't please her! I cannot perform AT ALL! She seems understanding, but I don't know how long this will continue. Please, can ANYONE help me?
Eugenio311 responded:
I'd recommend you get a good, thorough physical examination with bloodwork, to rule out any underlying physical or hormonal problems. If everything checks out physically, you might give serious thought to a sex therapist. There ARE reputable ones who may offer you the help you need. Nothing to be ashamed of. It could turn out to be the smartest thing you ever do. Also, you need to find some physical activity to get in shape and help handle stress in your life, and maybe cut back on the masturbation if that is getting too big a share of your sexual energy. Good luck. Eugenio

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