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Why a Man w/ ED hasn't any desire in the least to try/even look for solutions
Anon_238678 posted:
My live-in boyfriend of 33 years, has ED and he seems not to have any desire in the least to find a solution!
I am totally about ready to lose my mind, I haven't had sex with him (nor any other man) for almost OVER FOUR and 1/2 YEARS! I am still an attractive woman,, 51 yrs. old. I am so upsey and hurt by this, I don't know what to do or where to start! I feel as if there's absolutly NO love, although, he says its because we've had many family problems, he's under super stress at work,.. he has diabetes, high BP and a testostorone level of almost null.. I know all this is a huge factor. However, he shows absolutly NO sign of wanting to fix anything. Almost as if he;s giving up sex as part of his life.
Well, NOT ME!!.. I love him and don"t want to leave him at all. However,,... what ca I do??? Mastabation helps a bit.. but, I just cry after.. remembering how wonderful the real-deal with him is.. I want HIM back. But, if he don;t care to do anything.. This is my problem... WHY?? I know these's nobody else for certain,.. as I stated before, I'm not conseated but I am an attractive woman..
Can anybody help me figure this out???.. Am I going to have to leave the man I've bee with for 33 yrs.?? I just can't stand this "NO SEX, NO ROMANCE" any longer....... HELP!!
georgiagail responded:
You can't make him seek medical assistance for this issue.

WD2011 responded:
Anon, I'm a male, married for 36 years (to the same woman) and SHE was the zero libido one. After year after year after year of no sex, being told NO to intimate touch etc. I just gave up. But after sex examination I decided I WOULD have a sex life, with or without her. As it turned out all my research eventually got us to talking about the issue. We entered into therapy with a AASECT certified sexologist/coach and now we have a love-making session two to three times a month (enough for me NOT to go b'zonkers). Plus I had a radical prostatectomy four years ago. OK, I'm qualified to speak on this subject.

So, known factors that decrease sexual desire or erectile capability include: STRESS, diabetes, HBP, overweight, diet, and lack of exercise. Any one of these could be robbing him of his libido. Q: has he had a a physical exam including blood work in the past couple of years? What drugs is he on (MD prescribed)?

Next, and so important, is are you getting any therapy for your stress and emotional (men hide emotions/women launch emotions) disconnect from him? I know he seems to be the "broken" one, but what happens to him happens to you--so get into educational mode to learn about his dis eazes, and what treatments are available, Rx substitutions available, etc. But your and his "connection" emotionally is something to strengthen. I strongly recommend joint therapy for you with a AASECT (google it) sex therapist near you. You can "phone it in" with some, as well as in-office. But communicate, communicate, communicate with your BF. I can assure you that he is hiding his deep feelings of shame, fear, anger, guilt. It may take several therapy sessions for him to "own" his problem. Right now he can't begin to fathom how he can return to "normal" sexual feelings--so ease up on him--you can't "fix" him. Just re-affirm how much you love him, want him, value him, empathize with him, and want to stay with him and see this through. Continue to explore pleasing yourself,as well. Google Betty Dodson, she is the queen of female sexual empowerment and has a great website and advice. Love yourself. Educate yourself. Be an encourager to your man. Don't nag him. Express your frustration, within a therapuetic environment. When your BF sees that he can change and you'll go the distance with him, then the healing will begin--for both of you. I totally identify with your pain and loss of home. I persevered and its been worth it. Report back on this forum. GB.
NOHARD responded:
For me , first you both need to sit down and sort your family problems out, and create a calmness around the home.
Second find out how he lower the work stress, its no good bringing that stress home with him.
Third, is his high BP from over weight, if so you need to work on that.
Forth, try looking at DHEA, you can find some good info on this site about it, it should start to bring his testostrone back up along with some other things as well.
I say this because it worked for me with ED and has got me over it.
All I can say is good luck, and keep happy

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