How do I start the lines of communication?
An_240975 posted:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years now, I am 27 and he is 36. He is also a diabetic which was diagnosed back when he was a teenager. About 6 months ago I brought up a conversation about the lack of sex in our life. He didn't come out right away with what was going on but about a month later during a heated argument about our sex life he admitted that he has ED and has seen the doctor and has to take a pill in order to get an erection. I reacted supprotive and told him that it's not his fault and that we will work through it. That was the last of the conversations....he gets very uncomfortable or shameful or shuts down verbally when it comes to this topic.
I understand the importance of keeping the lines of communication open, but it's been about 2 months since we last had sex and I ache for it! I do get frustrated because I think...he has the pills, why hasn't he popped one yet? I have tried role reversing and started to be the initiator, but it has failed twice and no matter how hard I tell myself, it's not my fault either...I am starting to feel like he is not attracted to me anymore. He has the medicine, but still doesn't even touch me. I am too young for my sex life to be over and I really want to get our lovin' back on track.
How do I start talking to him about how I feel, even though the topic is dead...I don't just want to be eating dinner and say "Huny, I woud like us to talk about the lack of sex." He will just clam up or make a joke. I really want to let him know that I am still aroused by him, and that it's hard for me to initiate because I feel rejected, and that I still find him incredibly sexy. I don't want our sex to be scheduled either.
I'm ready to start sneaking his "happy" pills into dinner (totally joking) but I just wish I could find the words to re-start this conversation with a positive outcome. Any suggestions???
I understand the importance of keeping the lines of communication open, but it's been about 2 months since we last had sex and I ache for it! I do get frustrated because I think...he has the pills, why hasn't he popped one yet? I have tried role reversing and started to be the initiator, but it has failed twice and no matter how hard I tell myself, it's not my fault either...I am starting to feel like he is not attracted to me anymore. He has the medicine, but still doesn't even touch me. I am too young for my sex life to be over and I really want to get our lovin' back on track.
How do I start talking to him about how I feel, even though the topic is dead...I don't just want to be eating dinner and say "Huny, I woud like us to talk about the lack of sex." He will just clam up or make a joke. I really want to let him know that I am still aroused by him, and that it's hard for me to initiate because I feel rejected, and that I still find him incredibly sexy. I don't want our sex to be scheduled either.
I'm ready to start sneaking his "happy" pills into dinner (totally joking) but I just wish I could find the words to re-start this conversation with a positive outcome. Any suggestions???
2 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:How do I start the lines of communication?My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years now, I am 27 and he is 36. He is also a diabetic which was diagnosed back when he was a teenager. About 6 months ago I brought up a conversation about the lack of sex in our life. He didn't come out right away with what was going on but about a month later during a heated argument about our sex life he admitted that he has ED and has seen the doctor and has to take a pill in order to get an erection. I reacted supprotive and told him that it's not his fault and that we will work through it. That was the last of the conversations....he gets very uncomfortable or shameful or shuts down verbally when it comes to this topic. <br /> <br />I understand the importance of keeping the lines of communication open, but it's been about 2 months since we last had sex and I ache for it! I do get frustrated because I think...he has the pills, why hasn't he popped one yet? I have tried role reversing and started to be the initiator, but it has failed twice and no matter how hard I tell myself, it's not my fault either...I am starting to feel like he is not attracted to me anymore. He has the medicine, but still doesn't even touch me. I am too young for my sex life to be over and I really want to get our lovin' back on track.<br /> <br />How do I start talking to him about how I feel, even though the topic is dead...I don't just want to be eating dinner and say "Huny, I woud like us to talk about the lack of sex." He will just clam up or make a joke. I really want to let him know that I am still aroused by him, and that it's hard for me to initiate because I feel rejected, and that I still find him incredibly sexy. I don't want our sex to be scheduled either. <br /> <br />I'm ready to start sneaking his "happy" pills into dinner (totally joking) but I just wish I could find the words to re-start this conversation with a positive outcome. Any suggestions???
abe648 responded:
Erectile problems are quite common with people who have diabetes.
Perhaps the only way that you are going to get bract to the subject is through counselling. Tell him that he still turns you on and that you want to get over this issue and that you want to help him and ask him if he is willing to go together? If not then you should go to counselling yourself to show that you mean business and that you are going to see help to help you deal with this issue from your end.
I know it is going to be hard to get back to talking but all you can do is try and get back to talking about this and if he is not willing to deal with it then you will need to decide where you go from here for your own piece of mind. Using a little pill to get an erection is not the most appealing way to make love but it that is what it takes then so be it. If he really loves and cares for you he will try to satisfy you. ASk any more questions so we can help you.
Let us know how things go. God Bless the two of you.
Perhaps the only way that you are going to get bract to the subject is through counselling. Tell him that he still turns you on and that you want to get over this issue and that you want to help him and ask him if he is willing to go together? If not then you should go to counselling yourself to show that you mean business and that you are going to see help to help you deal with this issue from your end.
I know it is going to be hard to get back to talking but all you can do is try and get back to talking about this and if he is not willing to deal with it then you will need to decide where you go from here for your own piece of mind. Using a little pill to get an erection is not the most appealing way to make love but it that is what it takes then so be it. If he really loves and cares for you he will try to satisfy you. ASk any more questions so we can help you.
Let us know how things go. God Bless the two of you.
Report This| Share this:How do I start the lines of communication?Erectile problems are quite common with people who have diabetes. <br /> <br />Perhaps the only way that you are going to get bract to the subject is through counselling. Tell him that he still turns you on and that you want to get over this issue and that you want to help him and ask him if he is willing to go together? If not then you should go to counselling yourself to show that you mean business and that you are going to see help to help you deal with this issue from your end. <br /> <br />I know it is going to be hard to get back to talking but all you can do is try and get back to talking about this and if he is not willing to deal with it then you will need to decide where you go from here for your own piece of mind. Using a little pill to get an erection is not the most appealing way to make love but it that is what it takes then so be it. If he really loves and cares for you he will try to satisfy you. ASk any more questions so we can help you. <br /> <br />Let us know how things go. God Bless the two of you. <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0">
NOHARD responded:
Hi I think you are into that man problem and we tend to put to the back of our minds, its like if I try not to think about it will get better, but as we know it wont, you like my wife like your sex life.
Its a problem, at the end of the day its him and only him that will sort the real problem out, I got over my ED with DHEA, now I'm not sure if this works with diabetic (sorry is 1 or 2?) there is a good page here on site just put DHEA in the search box and read, or try looking at earth clinic web site, ( look under ED and libido ) but do these together to see if there is an anwser there, you will need to lead him to these.
At the end of the it seems your needs are greater than his.
Good Luck
Its a problem, at the end of the day its him and only him that will sort the real problem out, I got over my ED with DHEA, now I'm not sure if this works with diabetic (sorry is 1 or 2?) there is a good page here on site just put DHEA in the search box and read, or try looking at earth clinic web site, ( look under ED and libido ) but do these together to see if there is an anwser there, you will need to lead him to these.
At the end of the it seems your needs are greater than his.
Good Luck
Report This| Share this:How do I start the lines of communication?Hi I think you are into that man problem and we tend to put to the back of our minds, its like if I try not to think about it will get better, but as we know it wont, you like my wife like your sex life.<br />Its a problem, at the end of the day its him and only him that will sort the real problem out, I got over my ED with DHEA, now I'm not sure if this works with diabetic (sorry is 1 or 2?) there is a good page here on site just put DHEA in the search box and read, or try looking at earth clinic web site, ( look under ED and libido ) but do these together to see if there is an anwser there, you will need to lead him to these.<br />At the end of the it seems your needs are greater than his.<br />Good Luck
Featuring Experts
Sheldon Marks, MD, is a microsurgical specialist and a specialist in the diagnosis and treatment of prostate cancer. He is a diplomate of the American...More
Helpful Tips
my husband has ed
feel ashamed but i do, my husband has ed and i try very hard to get it hard and i get so frustrated that i get upset and and roll over and ... More
Was this Helpful?
21
of
38 found this helpful
Expert Blog
The Male Room - Sheldon Marks, MD
Dr. Sheldon Marks shares advice and information on men's health issues, from prostate problems to hair loss, as well as fitness and nutrition...Read More
Related News
Related Drug Reviews
- Drug Name User Reviews
Report Problems to the
Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Other Erectile Dysfunction Information
More Related Exchanges
The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service, or treatment.
Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.
Health Solutions From Our Sponsors
About WebMD Advertise With Us Terms of Use Privacy Policy Sponsor Policy Site Map Careers Contact Us
First Aid WebMD Magazine WebMD Health Record WebMD Mobile Newsletters Dictionary Physician Directory
©2005-2013 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.