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I am dealing with my husbands ED
An_242050 posted:
I read all these posts, and it is good men will talk about this. My husband apparently had an issue with ED before we got married 3 years ago and did not tell me. 6 months after we were married it became an issue, and has been a major issue since. Seems like more for me then for him. I am so frustrated, I dont know what to do. He has tried all the meds and they dont seem to work well for him anymore. I am upset that I did not know of the issue ahead of our getting married. I am only 44 and he is 56. I want to make love with my husband, and he does not even think about it. He does not want to try anything, he does not want to kiss, he does not flirt anymore. I am so sad. We have fought a lot over it and it is not getting us anywhere. He has seen a few uurologists, but we have not gotten any where. He does not even wake up with an erection anymore. He was a wonderful lover in the beginning. Now nothing. I am only married 3 years. He wants to avoid it and me as long as he can.I am not feeling loved or that he cares what it is doing to me. What do I do? On occasion when I ask him, he will take care of me, but that is not really fullfilling. I want us to be completely intimate with kissing and being close and flirting etc. I so miss him in this way. I have thought about having someone one the side to take care of me, so I do not keep putting pressure on him, but I don't ever want to hurt him and I would rather it be just him. This is our second marrigage for the both of us, and my ex and I never had great sex or much of it. So, I dont want my life to pass me by without having to enjoy such a wonderful thing between two people. But I am one that would rather make love and be with someone who loves me, rather than just go have sex for the sake of having sex. Any other women out there dealing with this? Please help. I do feel for my husband, I know this is horrible for him too, but I feel like he is not doing enough to fix this for us.
nohard responded:
First is he fit, is he over weight, if yes to these then you need to get him fit as his weight down, does he have any stress at work as this will not help, and for you, dont forget to tell him that you are on line looking to help him and your marriage its for both of you.
So for me and ED I did my own research as I live in Greece, and things kept turning to DHEA, there is very good info on this site if you look, just put DHEA in the site search box and read, after that there a site called www, it has a big forum on ED lots to read and some ideas of ways out of it, you can also go to they also have a page on ED worth a look at as its natural things to take, and last tip if he can get a seemy hard on you could try a cock ring, we have one for those days when I cant quite get a hard on, look at and look at the 2 vids on site and you can also read about how this will help ED on there.
Good Luck hope this helps.
kellyliz67 replied to nohard's response:
Thank you. I will look at these sites. I appreciate your help. So you and your wife are ok? Or have you had a lot of issues because of this? My husband does have stress at work and is ooverweight as well. He needs to work on both of them. He started working on the weight, but the stress at work.. I don't know what he can do about that. It is just he does not want to anything romantic anymore or sexy. It is just really tough. Thanks again.
nohard replied to kellyliz67's response:
It was my who first noticed that I had gone off the boil after having a bad spell of night sweats, she also read up about the link with them and ED, did try Viagra but it was not for me, it made me fill like a machine, but the problem for us is that we now live in Greece, so started looking for a way out and kept coming up with DHEA, so after doing some research and asking on some forums, started with it, and its worked for me, with this I also take cayenne in capsule form, and also have erection tea every morning with half a tea spoon of cayenne in it a nice way to start the day, Itake 75mg of DHEA a day taking 50 mg first thing in the morning before my tea, lots of this stuff if research hard enough you can find.
By the we had no issues with it, just no sex for a while, but now she has a smile on her face, by the way she's 65 and I'm 64 but still love to make love, sex for us has always been up there, try telling your husband to get back in the swing when it come to sex, it may help with his stress, sex has always been a way to let go, try giving him a hot bath together some candles and some wine and see what happens, dont forget and let him read these, it may help him as well to see other people getting over it and enjoying a good sex life.
Good Luck you both need it.
Sheldon Marks, MD responded:
Once again as with my answers with other posts, please please before you start trying random supplements or herbs or hormones know that his ED may very well have an identifiable and treatable cause! Also know that many time a man's ED is actually the first and early warning sign of something far more dangerous and even life threatening, such as diabetes or small blood vessel damage, the kind that later on causes heart attacks or strokes. He absolutely needs to see his primary care doctor for full cholesterol work up, stress echo, vascular evaluation, blood sugar, kidney and liver function testing to name a few. This is not an option. Even if he is otherwise healthy, he needs this testing. Then he needs to see a urologist as there are some great treatments other than the pills. plus most men when trying the pills don't do it right or give it enough time, so they fail when really they would work just fine with correct guidance.
kellyliz67 replied to nohard's response:
Thank you. The problem with him, is he has no real interest. I have tried romantic things and fun things, and he just really has no interest. And I guess I am tired of asking now or making all the effort. However about a week ago, I guess he took a pill, it did not work when he took it, but the next morning he was ready to go, so I am barely awake, he puts me on all fours and goes for it. No romance, no kissing and I was clearly not in the mood after waking 3 min before. But I let him cum cause he needed too. I was so frustrated. But I could not tell him that. Because I guess in his eyes, he is trying. Thanks again for the advice.
CJTexas replied to kellyliz67's response:
I recently went to the Boston Medical Group and will have my second appointment on tomorrow. I will keep you posted on my progress if you want to share this info with him.
deadmanwalking57 responded:
The simple answer is he either has massive stress, or he may have severe arterial disease, affecting his penis before other organs. Better than a heart attack or stroke.

Learn about diet and heart disease, and other risk factors.
nohard replied to kellyliz67's response:
Hi, yes as we get older its just the sex bit that keeps us going, with us my wife just prefers the sex bit and not much of the forplay these days, just to sensitive, she just has to put up with the early morning wood as this is my best time for a real hard on, it must be my testostrone levals keep changing, but being in Greece its a bit hard to find the right Doc.
The best thing is to keep trying, you could try finding some nice porn to whatch together, there some nice things around if you search, this may awake the demom in him, remember he needs to lead with the little head, remember its the little head that leads the big head.
I know there is a great anti porn thing, but hay we are not talking about whatching porn 24 hours a day, I'm talking about using this as a libido lifter, together, perhaps its his libido that needs a big lift.
shanewarn responded:
There are a number of treatments for erection problems. Doctors usually start with lifestyle changes and medicines. They usually don't advise surgery or other treatments unless those first steps don't help.
Treatment can include:
  • Making lifestyle changes, such as avoiding tobacco, drugs, and alcohol. It may also help to talk about the issue with your partner, do sensual exercises, and get counseling.
  • Finding and then stopping medicines that may be causing the problem. In some cases you can take a different medicine that does not cause erection problems.
  • Taking prescription medicine that can help you get erections. These include pills such as sildenafil (Viagra), tadalafil (Cialis), and vardenafil (Levitra). Check with your doctor to see if it is safe for you to take one of these medicines with your other medicines. These can be dangerous if you have heart disease that requires you to take nitroglycerin or other medicines that contain nitrates.
  • Taking medicines and getting counseling for depression or anxiety.
  • Using vacuum devices or getting shots of medicine into the penis.
  • Having surgery to place an implant in the penis.
hoosierphilly responded:
I would get a nuculear stress test done by a good cardiologist. Loss of sex is a clue (especially since you have enjoyed sex together). My husband had this experience and needed stents. Also depression can result.....check his testosterone levels out.....but it would go up if he lost weight maybe by 20%.....Age, weight, medical condition, dropping testosterone all impact ....then depression perhaps from not feeling well. Remember testosterne drops for men stating at 330 and cerrtainly at 40, but some still perform well anyway.
Alcohol impairs too. Maybe he is afraid of failure so won't try.
He can make love to you in many ways, and should be encouraged to meet your needs.

A good site for men is when medical conditions are involved
kellyliz67 replied to shanewarn's response:
Thank you. I will share this with my husband. We have recently separated because the fighting and stress of it all was too much. But I am hoping to make things work in the future if at all possible.
An_242050 replied to hoosierphilly's response:
Thank you. I will share this with him as well. Any help is better than none at all.

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