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Not understand the masterbation thing
Leemalvern posted:
Ive been in this relationship for over ten years. I think he would rather masterbate than attempt to have sex with me. Ive been told Im good looking. Ive tried to talk to him about it and he tells me to go to the doctor. I took a shower one day and he was so ingrossed in the picture he was looking at when I got out that he didn't even notice I was in the room for a few minutes. Do some guys preferr to just look at pictures and jack off compared to pleasing them selves with the willing women right next to them? I don't know how long this sexless relationship can go on for me. Im lucky to get fifteen minutes a year out of him. Please give me your thoughts. I dont fool around, so Im going to leave if I cant fix this.
ramaray1 responded:
He must have felt a problem with you during sex, your vagina can be to dry, do you try different positions, do you like to play with each other or both of you try oral sex, that should get him in the mood.
dfromspencer responded:
Wow, i dont get that either? You say you are willing, and that you try desperately to get him hard, and get no reponse from him? Wow! I dont know any of his, or your, backgrounds. If he puts more effort into masturbation than making love to you, it seems he has lost interest in sex?

Have you tried being romantic with him? Have you tried setting the mood? Have you tried dressing in sexy clothes? Most importantly, have you talked to him about his E.D. in a compassionate way? Has he seen a Dr. for his e.d.? When he masturbates, does he acheive an erection? Does this man still say he loves you? So many questions.

There is always therapy. Try to talk him into therapy. If he does'nt bend a little, then you cannot be expected to stay with him! You are a living human being with normal sexual desires. Those desires must be met in order to have a normal, healthy relationship. If you seek help, you will finds it. Get some support from family and friends. If you still love him, dont give up too easily.

Good luck, and best wishes! Dennis
georgiagail replied to dfromspencer's response:
Ummm; nowhere in this OP posting is it implied that this partner has ED.

dfromspencer replied to georgiagail's response:
Thank you for pointing that out. This is just a guess from experience. I did the very same things when i started to get E.D. Therefore, i think he has E.D. and is just to ashamed to admit it? Just like i was. Could be i am wrong? I hope i am wrong!!!

I have read sooo many stories from guys who have experienced this first hand. I hope he does'nt have it, but if he does, they need to discuss this. My marriage broke up because of my embarrassment over E.D. This sounds to me just like what i did, and so many other men.

Sorry if i am just assuming here!
Leemalvern replied to ramaray1's response:
Im not dried out yet. I have been told by a younger guy I dated before him that I am tighter than a women that has never had a child. I fact my ex boyfriends have told me Im the best they ever had. The other two main men in my life by the time we had this much time invested, I knew everything about them sexually. I could even do or say one thing and get a premature response from them. This guy last time didn't even try for a minute and through the towel in muttering he plays with his self too much. Later I asked him about saying that & he denied it.
Leemalvern replied to dfromspencer's response:
He has had problems with his women fooling around on him, maybe because of this. I have tried coming out and nicely talking about it. He said he didn't want too. He was complaining about his circulation in his feet and hands on day. I said that bad circulation can cause problems with a lot of other things too. At the time I was thinking of his heart & I noticed his urine flow is stop & start when he goes to the bathroom. He thought I was talking about his ED. He told me I needed to go to the F***ing Doctor. He says he loves me, but at the same time admitted he is a control freak. He use to take everything out on me, meaning if he had a bad day I was his verbal whipping boy. Whith everything in consideration, Im not sure why Ive staid so long. He doesn't like doctors & going to counsiling is out. I think because he is afraid they will tell him he has an attitude problem. Im trying not to give up.
Leemalvern replied to georgiagail's response:
He has it. I don't know if he gets an erection when he masterbates to pictures or not. I looked at his search history and the pictures are not even erotic. Some of the actresses I even resemble.
Leemalvern replied to dfromspencer's response:
You know what? It isn't that I am sex starved. It's the fact he will not talk to me about it. It makes me assume there is something about me or maybe he is still in love with someone else. Putting me out to dry without an explaination just makes me feel used (and unused at the same time). If he would talk to me, I would drop the subject. Not talking and not putting any effort into it just makes me feel abandoned and uncared for. I did not sign up for a fend for your self sex life. Its like he cares less because he got his.
dfromspencer replied to Leemalvern's response:
I'm so sorry! You have a serious problem here. Communication is key to any relationship. You need to sit him down, and tell him exactly how you feel, and what it is you expect from him. If he fails to respond, then tell him you are going to leave him. If he still fails to respond, leave! That would tell anyone that he just does'nt care for you anymore.

Without communication, what do you have? Not much of a relationship. You are still sexually healthy, and want your husband to participate in this activity with you. If he fails to do so, then you will be left to your own devices. Not much of a relationship, if you ask me. It takes two to tango!

I wish you all the best! Good luck! Dennis

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