Skip to content
Ejaculation problems
An_245637 posted:
Hello. I am a 40 year old woman involved in a relationship with a 61 year old man looking for advice or information, either for myself or for my partner. First I must say we have a fantastic sex life; we have been together for over a year and together have really grown in terms of our sexuality. The relationship is caring, loving and deeply trusting which has allowed us to explore and experiment sexually. Intimacy for us is inherently pleasing in and of itself without orgasm being a necessary "goal" for either of us; however, both of us would like to have them, of course! He is able to give me an orgasm, but he is not able to have one with me. He is able to get and maintain and erection with me, with very little stimulation (e.g can get erect at the suggestion of sex or by simply getting undressed or by kissing) but he has never been able to climax. Historically this has been a problem for him as well; he acheived orgasm during his 30+ year marriage only when he and his (now ex) wife were tryng to have children. THere was very little sexual activity in his marriage. He has routinely been able to achieve orgasm over his lifetime with masturbation, which always involves a very specific procedure and viewing pornography; he has been doing the same thing since he was a teenager. He explains to me that even with masturbation it may take him 20-25 minutes of intense stimulation coupled with viewing pornography to orgasm. He tells me he is absolutely satisfied sexually by me; unfortunately, I cannot shake the feelings of being unattractive and ineffectual in pleasing him. I have had several previous partners in my lifetime and I have never encountered this problem. I have always felt attractive and sexually competent (?) and I don't like how I am starting to feel about myself. I find that I am kind of "giving up" on intercourse, oral sex, etc after a bit of time knowing that it will not result in orgasm and eventually he does lose his erection. I have tried and am willing to try anything. I've suggested he masturbate with me present while I stimulate him in other ways, or teach me how he does it. The one thing that really trips me up is the need for pornography; I'm not opposed to viewing pornography. I just do not feel comfortable with him viewing it to orgasm when he is with me; it just reinforces my feelings of not being attractive enough to him. I asked him this weekend if he has ever masturbated to orgasm just thinking or fantasizing about me - we are honest with each other, he was honest with me and told me that he gets stimulated watching the pornography but thinks/fantasizes about me when he orgasms. That didn't make me feel better. I don't want to put pressure on him, but I also don't want to feel bad about myself, or lose interest in sex with him. I think what bothers me a bit more is his complacency in addressing it. This is likely influenced by the fact that our professions involve in part helping people with sexual problems; I guess I expect him to be more proactive.
Is there any advice or information that can help us?
georgiagail responded:
Your partner has already explained that this is not a new issue and even with masturbation he requires intense stimulation to achieve an orgasm.

Thus, this has nothing to do with you and you need to stop worrying that this means you are unattractive and ineffectual in pleasing him.

He is comfortable with this as he has dealt with this for a long time. He understands that this is not going to change. You don't and seem to assume (perhaps it's your profession) that you can somehow "cure" him of this.

You can't. Either accept what he has told you in terms of being absolutely sexually satisfied by you even without an orgasm or move on.

nohard responded:
I think some DHEA could help him, but please read up about it first and you can do that here on site, just put DHEA is the seach box, now if you couple this up with some Tribulus to back it up, this may bring him back to his old self, DHEA is a hormon replacement, and as you will read will incress his testosterone, his libido and his energy levels, Tribulus will do the same things but is a herb, or you can google them to find more info.
And these 3 things may also help, Cayenne, Garlic and Ginger, just Google these for more info, they will all help with his blood flow, Ginger either fresh or dryed he can have in black or green tea with lemon and honey, it makes a nice start to the day.
Good Luck

Helpful Tips

So I have been having this trouble since i was about 15. Im 30 now. I must say this is NOT a UTI or STD. I wish I knew why it happens but I ... More
Was this Helpful?
0 of 0 found this helpful

Expert Blog

The Male Room - Sheldon Marks, MD

Dr. Sheldon Marks shares advice and information on men's health issues, from prostate problems to hair loss, as well as fitness and nutrition...Read More

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.