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Husband gets hard but can't stay that way
squeaky2105 posted:
My husband and are have always had a very active sex life...until recently. A month or two ago my husband started having problems with keeping his erection. He gets excited, get erect, we have great oral sex and then move onto sex, he will get halfway through and then just lose his erection. He says it's not me, and we have had many talks (we are pretty open with each other), we have brought in toys, movies, different positions, just about everything...short of bringing in another person. I'm not going to say that we don't have stress, but I wouldn't say it was anymore than the average couple with two young children. I just find it odd that this is happening as he is only 25 years old, (I'm 28). I've tried oral when his erection begins to fade but nothing helps. This doesn't happen all the time, sometimes all things are a go and there are a few times that we will go for hours and he tells me he just can't orgasm. So 1/3 of the time he loses his erection, 1/3 of the time everything is great and 1/3 of the time he can't orgasm but keeps his erection. We are not drug users, don't drink to excess, (a few beers or a cocktail with friends once or twice a month), we talk openly and honestly with each other, and he is in good health (his doctors words) I could stand to lose a few pounds but what woman doesn't feel that way after two children. At times I feel like it's me because I know that I don't look the same way as I did when he met me, although he assures me that's not it, when I am naked he can't keep his hands off me. Please someone help...
dfromspencer responded:
It sounds to me you are doing everything right? I don't really know what else to add? Anorgasmia in men is rare, but it can happen. As for losing his erection halfway in, i do believe he is thinking to himself, that he is not going to make it, and therefore, is losing his erection? Just thinking about it, can make it happen. Tell him to stop thinking, and just do. Tell him to enjoy the moment, and forget all other distractions. It works for me. I concentrate on the woman, and that does it for me. Ask him to try that.

I hope this helps, but if not, try a sex therapist.

Good luck, Dennis
run1333 responded:
Hi Squeaky.....I had the same exact issue with my ex wife. First, let me tell you when he says its not you, he is not lying. You have to absolutely believe this if you truly want to help. Otherwise you will frustrate him even more. Nothing worse than trying to prove something when you know you are telling the truth and you arent believed. There are a number of reasons this could be happening. Anxiety is one. Its possible there is something in his brain telling him his performance isnt good enough. It may not be true but he believes it and thats what could be hurting him...if that isnt it, maybe his libido has tapered off...its more unusual for this to happen to someone his age but still possible...another reason(and women will not like this), but in this day and age where porn is so accessible, he may have been watching more than normal(again, women must understand that men do not do this because the woman they are with isnt good enough. It simply is not the case. Men have over-sexually active minds and they look for any void whenever they can...sorry but its true). If it is porn, the acts they watch may be fetishes or fantasies they may not be comfotable asking you to be a part of so the relationship with porn dampens relations with a real woman. Also, i would imagine (if this is the case) he matsturbates to these videos/images which may have "programed" his penis to ejaculate to these images. The good news is he does mean it when he says it isnt you. If you say you talk a lot and are open, you must continue to talk but you need to make it about him and not you. That will only frustrate both of you and you will get nowhere if you blame yourself. Say you will do whatever you can to help him and let him know you belive him when he tells you it isnt you. Im assuring you from experience that it isnt you. Hope this helps.
squeaky2105 replied to run1333's response:
Thank you, this makes a lot of sense, he keeps telling me that he is just worries about ending "too soon". and I keep telling him that that is not an issue for me. I just want our sex life back but I know it's going to be a long road we have to walk together. I know it's not porn, as we are very open about fantasy and role play.
nohard responded:
First I'm not going down the porn street as you have said nothing, Ithink buy reading what you are saying, its down to a lowering of testoserone and libido, Its ok have been down this street and now in ED recovery and at nearly 65 which licked around 2 years ago.
So 3 things you could try,1 Tribulus this will boost his testoserone, his libido and his energy levels but takes around 8 weeks to get to full power, 2 Garlic I take mine raw but I do a whole head at a time, copped down fine and put in olive oil, take 3 small spoonfuls 3 times a day, 3 Cayenne This I take mixed with tomato paste and thined down with olive oil, he will need to find his own heat for this, again tale 3 small spoonfuls 3 times a day, and both wash down with water before meals and do these on alternate days then rotate the next week, only take for 5 out of 7 days, ie Mon to Fri the reason is that if you take for 7 the body will just get used to then and stopp working the way we want them to, and after taken the Tribulus for 8 weeks then cut that back to 5 days, and around every 12 to 14 weeks take a whole week off.
See how you go, you can google all these for more info, just add ED on the end.
Good Luck

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