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e.d. effect on relationship
shouldistay posted:
I am about to get married to a man who says he has e.d. and am very scared and confused. He is a great guy with whom i have alot in common. I truly love him and know he loves me. BUT... he will not show any affection to me and refuses to talk about it. I have read that this is typical behavior from a man with e.d. but regaurdless of that, it is having a serious affect on my self esteem. I even wonder if he told me he has e.d. just to keep me away from him. Would a guy ever tell a women he has e.d. if he didn't? I don't know. He treats me great in all other aspects of our relationship. Sposed to marry in November and I'm not sure I want to sign up for a life with no affection. Don't know what to do. Please offer any advice
RobertPatrick responded:
hi Shouldistay

Its good that your man mention the truth that he has ED, your guy seems to be honest. If there are problems, there are solutions too for it..

Try to get solution for this erectile issue. Don't think too much, ask doctor or health expert i think that would help you a lot.
shouldistay replied to RobertPatrick's response:
Thank you RobertPatrick.

I'm seeking help now. Just worried that it may be hard to get him involved in that. Your reply makes me feel better. I need to not believe everything that I think. I can really drive myself crazy.
Cheastern replied to shouldistay's response:
I have ED, I has always been worried of loosing pride by letting people know my problem. I felt horrible, never had a girl friend for 24 years of my life. I think your boyfriend need opening up more, telling you his feeling. Perhaps, he has been restraining himself for so long that he has lost sensibility and ability to sense keenly. You need led him to talk more.
RobertPatrick replied to shouldistay's response:
I am happy for you shouldistay..

I think you have the solution for the problem now. Tell me did u consult doctor or did u get any medicine for this problem.

I think it would be great if you try to fix the problem as soon as possible that would make him and you happy and would improve your relationship too.
shouldistay replied to Cheastern's response:
This is where the problem lies. I have tried to talk to him several times. Being very delicate and careful not to hurt or offend him. He simply cannot seem to communicate his feelings around this issue. He gets very defensive and shuts me down immediately. Does not want to talk about it at all. I have made sure he is aware of the effect this is having on my feelings and how much i long to be close to him. Even if its just holding hands or putting his arms around me once in a while. The discussion never gets far. He literally clams up. This is when I start trippin and wondering if he really does have e.d. or if he just told me that to keep me away from him. Thats how insecure i've become.
bkd123456 replied to shouldistay's response:
I am in a very similar situation. I am so frustrated that all the help in this type of situation revoloves around the men. It doesn't seem to me that the effects this has on women are considered. All you hear is what you can do to make it easier on him. What about advising men on how to deal with this without crushing the self esteem of their partners.
RobertPatrick responded:
If your husband avoid conversation on Erectile problem. I think don't chat with him on such topics, that would make conditions harder. Whenever he get some health issues, other than Erectile problem consult doctor and tell doctor to get his erectile test very smartly so that you will know what is the exact issue and how to fix it.
shouldistay replied to bkd123456's response:

Thankyou so much for responding. I agree. There's not much support for the womens side of things. I am really struggling with self esteem issues. I know in my heart that this isn't about me, but can't seem to shake my negative thinking. I can get very obsessive with thoughts of him not being attracted to me, etc.etc. I have ruined many a day being in this space.

I am also very frustrated with his inability to discuss the situation. I think all I need is a little reassurance from him that this is not about me, That he is attracted to me. I do know that he loves me, but am starving for affection. Sometimes i just need to feel strong arms around me. Thank you again, for listening. It feels good to know that I am not alone.
RobertPatrick responded:
I think you should also try to get solution for the erectile problem.
An_247794 responded:
Run! His lack of affection has nothing to do with his E.D. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone that either will not or cannot show them any affection regardless of the reason. Not me, and it sounds like you do not either. The fact that he shuts you down when you try to communicate your concern is a huge red flag. Listen to your own inner warnings about this relationship. When in doubt don't has always kept me from making regrettable choices.
dfromspencer responded:
Hi, Shouldistay

I have had E.D. since i was in my twenties. That in itself, never stopped me from being affectionate. This man has issues in that reguard. And NO, you cannot fix it!!!

I hate to say things like this, but this situation warrants it; GET OUT! Leave this guy brfore it tears you down. You will never fix his inability to show you affection. He does not want to even communicate with you. Not even after you have told him how this is effecting you? Get out, NOW!!! YOU cannot FIX him!!!

Sorry, but i hope this helps, Dennis
karen38 replied to shouldistay's response:
I met the man of my dreams may 2008 we got married June 2008 and got pregnant right away with no issues of E.D. at all. During the first trimester we was told that he was unable to perform due to this issue at that point is when we seeked help with getting answers for the non eration. I felt like it was due to the weight gain of the pregnancy however insured it was not me it was him. I still inside feel like it is the lack of attraction..I see frustration when this occures. threw out these past 4.5 years we have this to occur from time to time. recently had a miscarriage and now nothing working at all some say that the stress of that can cause this to happen. he is trying to get into the dr for testing and it will be in dec. so he is stressed. i have been researching to get answers and found lots. There are alot you can change that may help. I also struggle with the fact that he is trying so hard to please me and nothing happens but he also was diagnosed with border line diabetes and high cholesterol so these are two factors in E.D. Maybe if you can just suggest a routine blood test to ck all levels and then i found out about asking when we go to the dr about checking his HDL and testosterone levels cause if there low it causes ed as well. I love my husband but at the same time sure does hurt when we can not get the answers to find out why this is going on. if you have any suggestions please message me back I am understanding how you feel for we are dealing with it too. and he has had this since he was 19 ys old.

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