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Husband 27 yrs old with ED. Please help
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steph9206 posted:
Hello, My name is Stephanie. My husband and I have been together for 4 years and married for 5 months. My husband is 27 years old. Over the course of the last year and a half my husbands sex drive has plummeted. During intercourse he will go completely soft. 3 weeks ago he went to the Dr. to have his testostrone levels checked, he's had blood work done to make sure he doesnt have diabities. All of his tests have come back normal. The Dr. basically told him, nothing medically is wrong with him it's all in his head and recommended he see a psychiatrist. The Dr. gave him samples of Viagra and a few other Erectile Dysfunction pills. I need help. As his wife I am clueless as to what to do. My husband says he doesnt know what's causing the problem. We're wanting to have a baby but it's impossible for him to perform during intercourse, let alone he has no drive. I dont know what to do, or who to turn to. We're too young of a couple to be dealing with this. I need answers. I want to be able to support my husband and help him through this. It's so hard not to be selfish with my own feelings on this. It hurts. It's almost as bad as being cheated on. I feel like there is something wrong with me. Any advice on what a desperate wife can do to support and help her husband would be great. Thank you so much for your time.
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RobertPatrick responded:
Your decision to support your husband is perfect. First your husband need support from you. Understand this problem and tell me not to have any kind of stress. Another thing as you mention all medical reports were normal, which means your husband may have some physiological issue causing him ED.

Relax by having bath before sex. Also try to stimulate sex by touching the sexual organs of your partner. You can also go for sex therapy and herbal remedies which help to treat erectile problems naturally.
 
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1nt3rnalc0mbu5t1on responded:
Steph,

Congrats on the marriage! I understand your situation very well...sadly. I got married around the same age and had the same issues. Unlike your husband, i did not go to the doctor. I am a healthy 30 year old male, i eat well and exercise regularly. But when me and my wife(now ex) would try to be intimate i could not maintain an erection...id start to go soft about 10 minutes or so into it. The fact that his doc said it was in his head can have some merrit. Im sure at first it probably seemed like a cop out. I have suffered from depression for a long time and well before i met my exwife. At lot of times as guys we can put a lot of pressure on ourselves to "perform" and that can really get into our heads and can take over our thoughts during intercourse. So much thats its all we think about and when our mind is preoccupied with staying hard, rather than enjoying that time with our spouse and how amazing it feels. We get lost in our heads and eventually go soft.

As far as feeling selfish, that is completely normal, you love him and are attracted to him. After all you do have needs too. But please believe me when i tell you..ITS NOT YOU, there is nothing wrong with you.

Is your husband open about discussing sex? Perhaps having a conversation about what turns him on. I know for me its not easy to discuss this sort of thing, i just never felt comfortable with discussing the topic. We all have our little quirks that we like...and most are probably very normal, but we dont know that and if we like something sexually, we feel that others might think we are a freak

You sound super supportive of him and he is very lucky to have a wife who is by his side. So maybe trying to put his mind at ease and not make it about him staying hard, make it about being close to him and bonding.

Do you try to initiate sex on occasion? In my case it seemed like it was always my job to do so and the times i was ready to go, she seemed sleepy or almost to peaceful to bother. So i didnt. Rarely, if ever did she attempt to initiate sex, so it left me feeling some what unwanted as well. Which in turn would damage the psyche as well.

By no means am i even trying to compare the two relationships/people, just wanted to create some common ground. Like i said earlier, it could just be as simple as making him feel comfortable with sex and discussing the topic. Nothing beats having that sort of conversation over a bottle of wine And i know its always guys who get the bad rap for not complementing their better halves on their appearance, but as you may know, the tiniest compliment may mean the world. So get comfortable with telling each other that you think one another are sexy or beautiful/handsome.

Sorry for the long rant, I wish you the best of luck!

IC
 
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NickJohn responded:
You were really great Steph. I didn't see the woman like you ever. Your decision in support to your husband was very nice. I hope your problem was not so big. As he is fit in health, it will be due to his anxiety or some psychological feeling. Better try by having a good foreplay before sex and see the result. Having a long foreplay makes you to stand for a long time erection in sex. If not better consult a psychiatrist which makes your husband cure the problem.
 
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TomTheTerrible responded:
Stephanie,

I am a 65 yr old man and only recently started to have some problems. i have not solved the problem yet, but am experimenting with some supplements. I suggest you spend a lot of time reading about various ED / dietary issues on this site. ( disclosure: I do not have a medical background)

http://www.peaktestosterone.com/Hdr_Improving_Erectile_Strength.aspx

Specifically, citrulline (from watermelon/rinds) seems to help a lot of men improve blood flow. Women can apparently be helped quite a bit by "Maca" ( check the comments on Amazon for specifics.) The rumor is the natives call it "Peruvian viagra". It seems to help with fertility and mensrual problems. Check out many youtube videos on watermelon and citrulline ( called "nature's viagra" by some).

You did not say whether the ED pills were successful or not and you say you're trying to have a baby, so I'm left guessing and wonder if they worked and assuming they did not. Also, please check the long term effects of Cialis & Viagra. There is a vision issue with one/both of them as perhaps other issues.

Given your husband's youth and the all-clear on medical tests, I have to believe there is something psychological going on here. Not all communication is spoken, but I'm wondering why the problem didn't show up till after marriage. Is there an unspoken desire to not have a baby? Is there a mental block about marriage? Did the committment to marriage change something in his head? Is there new stress on his job? Rule out any fidelity issues ( sorry to bring this up).

Lastly, imagination & tons of foreplay of all kinds ( fill in the blanks) plays a huge role in sex ( I'm guessing you know all this but if you don't....) Go to a different place like maybe a theme hotel or some thing out of the ordinary. Make sure you exceedingly patient. Are your facial expressions showing the frustration? Have him excite you manually.

Also, consider the role of faith/God in your relationship. Is it there? Should it be? This does help many many people. If you you can't find human help he is there when you run out of soltuions.

I sincerely hope this gives you a few ideas to work on.

Tom
 
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nohard responded:
Hi Steph, I have 4 posts on franktalk.org, there DRUGS VERSUS HERBS, HERBS MY CHOICE,,same again with this on the end DAILY DOSES, and two herb lists for help with ED with links.
Now thats one way, do you know if your husband watchs porn or over masturbates, or masturbates to porn even worste, because what your saying can come from this.
See how you get on.
Good Luck
 
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camillayes responded:
Hi,
This is very common problem in most men and it happens mostly after the age of 40. actually, one can try herbal viagra for erectile dysfunction and i am sure ,this can treat erectile dysfunction problem. you can check the herbal viagra products at this site http;//www.universalonlinepharmacy.com
 
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An_251860 responded:
My husband and I are on the same boat. I am in my late 20s and he is in his early 30s and he has ED. It's been going on for about 2 years now. At first, he was really embarrassed to go to the doctor but I finally convinced him. The doctor said the same thing that your husband's doctor said: there's nothing physically wrong, it's all in your head. The doctor said to de-stress, do some mental exercises, and start living a healthier lifestyle by exercising. He said IF that doesn't work, he will give us Viagra as a last resort.

It was really frustrating at first. I felt rejected, ugly, and unloved. I did research on ED and my researched indicated this is very normal for a woman to feel this way, but it's far from the truth. You are not being selfish, I know it hurts, I've been there. You want to be with your husband intimately, but are unable to do so. It is hard for you AND your husband. I'm sure he wants to, and is frustrated that he is unable to satisfy you in that way.

What made it worse for me was that, my family members began spreading rumours about me, saying that the reason we don't have kids is because I'm infertile and unable to bare children =(. I've never told them the real reason, it's none of their business. It is between my husband and me, and nobody else. If they want to think that, it's fine. I know the truth, and he knows the truth.

I was at a breaking point not long ago, where I just wanted to give up on it all together. But once my husband initiated and said "I want to start working out to have more energy" this gave me hope. The fact that HE wants to exercise, HE wants to change, I know that he cares about our marriage to WANT to fix it. Not because I want him to, but because HE wants to.

We've had to work at it together. It's been tough, but we're being patient. It's a process and it will not change overnight. He is a good husband in other ways. Very kind and caring.

Also, he has been very compromising in bed, and we've started experimenting with our hands and sex toys in the meantime.

When I read forums online, it really makes me feel like I am not alone. I realize there is nothing to be embarrassed about. All marriage go through their issues, but it is important to work on them together as a couple. Sometimes it is these struggles that strengthen your relationship down the road.

I wish you and your husband all the best!


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