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when will it stop
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An_254376 posted:
my life has been a mess. all the symptoms of Bi-Polar Disorder before there was such a thing. Cheated through school, couldn't pay attention. Started drinking regularly at 15, slowed me down and I liked it. Fell in lust for a girl at 15, had sex regularly until she left me my Sr. year. Depression set in, wanted to die, joined military after school asked how to get to Vietnam the fastest way. Spent time with psych in basic training. Sent me to Ark. instead, recreation spec. Tried to drink myself to death for the next 35 years. Sober the last 10, just didn't work anymore.
Shotgun wedding after military, still drinking heavy. Sex galore. Another child, lots of fun, kids when I felt like it and drinking and drugging with my buddies most of the time after work. Meth came along and I no longer came home before dawn some nights.
gave my wife sexual diseases while she was carrying our first child.
I felt sick for doing that the rest of our relationship.
she finally had enough and divorced me. I was in complete agreement, I wanted out of the marriage for years, so I thought.
Within a week depression set in. I wanted to go home. Visited her at her job, ask if we could stop this divorce. She said no.
Immediately after leaving home and realizing I had screwed myself out of a good thing, depression set in. Deep dark dismal life, crying continuously. I went to rehab, they said I was an alcoholic, I said I was just depressed. Antidepressants saved my life, life was ok, I no longer cried, yet I couldn't face my kids without breaking down.
Erections stopped when I left home, even when alone. Women were readily available everywhere, but I couldn't get an erection. Finally after three failed relationships, mainly from my come on attitude and no results on my part. The women felt I wasn't sexually attracted to them even though I really was, I just couldn't sexually please them or myself. Today I have health problems that keep me from working. I go to meetings, read literature, pray, and meditate asking to be used to help others with the same issues, and think of suicide. No plans, just life seems worthless. My kids rarely call, can you blame them. I sit alone 24/7 looking out the window and waiting for the end. I have a nice bike, car, and boat, live in a RV life should be good with disability checks and no bills, but it isn't I still want to go home. Years of therapy, two rehabs, one psych hosp. Nothing works. Cabinet full of Viagra. I have lately found a product on TV that helps, for only $ a month I can't afford, or trust..
I believe God made me this way for a reason, to help others with the same issues. I'm not religious, just spiritual in my own way. it helps. I also heard the alcohol and drugs cause brain damage and that is part of my erection problem. There is no solution for mental problems, just acceptance. I abused my right to have intercourse, drink alcohol, or do drugs and I must live with it or my life has all been in vain.
My son has been contacting me lately, even stayed in his home a couple of nights. its getting livable slowly, a day, a minute at a time. I think he sees the new attitude about life.
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floridamenshealthcenter responded:
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