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ED / Dealing with the psychological angle
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An_256119 posted:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years now and we have not had sex for 6 years. I have been reading all the postings and I can identify with so many. I seem to have one angle that is different or is it? you tell me!


I am 51 and he is 56. He is very affectionate and caring. He was going to a men's group once a week and the doctor told him that after a questionare he filled out that he was 80 % sure his issue was psychological and not physical. So now he has not gone to a doctor to have that ruled out.


He does flirt with me but never intimates anything. He goes to bed late and wakes up early so nothing can start. We had some serous discussions about this and on a couple of occasions he has told me that the issue is because I feel bad about my self. I only started feeling bad about my self since we stopped making love. I feel he loves me a lot but not in the way that is important for a relationship to survive. I could be wrong but it is all I have to go on as he does not want to talk about it. I do not know how much I have left to invest. I do love him so much but I am not sure that it can be enough after 6 years of not feeling like I am worth enough to fight for.


History: for the last few years I have been going through a bitter divorce after a 20 years of mental abuse and I wonder if he saw the bitch/stressed side of me in which I had to bring out set in order to get it done.I have 2 kids that I have had to pretect and worry about and he had no kids.
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smoove01 responded:
Hello
I am sorry to hear about your issue, ED can be very psychological, speaking from my own experience, When you loose confidence for your sexual ability to please someone you love, Your self esteem gets low and no matter how many times your significant other tell "Dont worry honey, its ok" In your mind, you know that its not, Instead of focusing on pleasing your partner, we are more focus on our performance (Will be able to maintain and erection, Will I be able to get and erection) Each time you dont please your partner sexually, it takes something out of you. I have thought myself to stop having sex before because I dont want continue to disappoint my partner. We can do oral sex but as a man, you feel good to be able please your partner sexually. If you cant, its really messes with your mind. Continue to support him and try to get couples counseling to talk about your issue. Good luck
 
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00000162 responded:
I wish I could get him to go to counseling or even to talk to a buddy but the subject has been talked to death. He say he likes it when I tease him sexually so I am trying to get us back to the playful way we used to be out of the bedroom.




smoove01 can I ask you a question?


What caused the ED to happen do you know ?
Did your partner do something to turn you off someh[a class="template-reply-post" id="exchange-post-enabled_A1" style="color: rgb(0, 102, 153); cursor: pointer;" onclick="LoginCreatePost(this,'erectile-dysfunction-exchange','3'); return false;"> ow?
 
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smoove01 responded:
I have read that Problems getting or keeping an erection can be a sign of a health condition that needs treatment, such as heart disease or poorly controlled diabetes,High cholesterol,High blood pressure, Obesity and Low testosterone (there are more but I cant remember all of them) . Treating an underlying problem may be enough to reverse your erectile dysfunction. In most cases, erectile dysfunction is caused by something physical. Some times in can be a psychological thing too. My Fiance is very supportive. The best thing you can do for him is continue to be supportive and ask him is there anything else you can do to help. I can tell you are great girlfriend and he is lucky to have you, some woman get frustrated with their partner, leave the relationship or cheat but its so vital to have a supportive partner. Dont take it personnel, its not something you did or didn't do. Continue to show him that your still interested in him sexually, whether it oral sex or regular. Be spontaneous and do things that he wont expect. When he stop, having interest in sex its because of his self esteem is low sexually and he does not like not pleasing you but when you stop having interest in sex with him, it will conclude his thoughts that you are not happy with him sexually and that will make confidence even lower. I have tried Levitra, Viagra, and Cialis but none of them works for me but I am using a recommendation I receive from this website call Ambrina, I am feeling more life then I felt with the other pills but I just started using it. I will not give up because she is not giving up on me. Good luck, if you have any more questions, I am here.
 
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nohard responded:
Hi, OK what follows, any one of these can give him ED (erectile dysfunction).
To little sleep.
performance anxiety.
High cholesterol.
Diabetes.
Depression.
Alcohol.
Smoking.
Meds.
Stress.
Anger.
Anxiety.
Middle-aged-spread.
Self image.
Low libido.
His general health.
Low testosterone and very high testosterone.
With meds, its meds for depression, diabetes and cholesterol, these are some of the really bad ones.
The problem I found with erection drugs is they can give very bad side effects, and a load of other guys have had the same, I got over mine with herbs and a hormone, if interested get back to me.
But some men do take it badly when they lose there erections, instead of sorting things out they just go into a shell, just hoping it will go away, the main problem is it wont, in fact it can go the other way.
But getting his blood working the way it should is a good first step, if he's a fast food or junk food lover with lots of sodas, getting that part killed off would also be a good start, but please get back to me if your interested in the herbs.
Good Luck
 
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00000162 responded:
Everything you have said seems to match his profile he stays up at all hours, he drinks way too much pop but is only a little over weight and does not drink, has never smoked, his physical heath is good he has been told. he has a physical job but I which he would work out again like he used to. His diet is not great. It will take a scare to his health to make him take herbs and eat veggies. He says that he thinks the reason is because I was getting upset sometimes when I was going through my divorce it was making him "not turned on " to see me that way.


I have now gained weight and now my sugar is too high giving me issues and my self esteem is very bad now. It took me so much to get the guts to leave my ex and gain my self esteem to want to even date after 22 years of being out of the game and now I have no self esteem once again. He is the love of my life and when I think of him when I am by myself I feel so much love for him it makes me cry, I have never felt this for any other man. This is why it hurts me when I reach out to him and come on to try to get something going and it goes now where. He wont even let me touch him.


He has no idea the level of pain that I feel because I don't let him see it any more . If he sees me crying we end up fighting.
 
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nohard responded:
Hi So he's stressed because of you? yes, and now your stressed because of yourself? yes.
From what I'm reading, your saying you now need to lost some weight and along with this he needs to get of sodas.
So you need a diet plan to help you, and he needs a diet plan to get healthy.
You know if you both try and work together on this, as a team, ie he helps you and you help him, then perhaps working this way, would help your sex lives by bringing your self's together through getting healthy.
I'm just hoping this as a plan may help you both.
Try doing things together more, if he is staying up late try being with him, if he gets up early, you do it to.
Try showering together, or bath together, try being naked together.
This may ease your pain by being together.
Do you think this could work, let him know you doing this, seeking some help, even from people you will never see, just like my photo, were just faceless people, it will help if you share what your doing, perhaps we could see two sides.
Is this helpful?
 
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smoove01 responded:
Can you please let me no the herbs and hormone that you used the help you. thanks
 
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nohard responded:
Hi Yes you just need to google these, there is a big box come up, just click in each lower left and right boxes, as these are posts of mine, the first is how I got it and so on, after that they fall in place.
DRUGS VERSUS HERBS, HERBS MY CHOICE.
DRUGS VERSUS HERBS, HERBS MY CHOICE, DAILY INTAKE.
NOHARDS HERB LIST WITH LINKS.
NOHARDS HERBS FOR ED, PART 2.
Do hope that you find some help, as you will see most of what I take is for the blood, get the blood working right, then things fall in place.
Do you know if he gets nocturnal erections, or morning woods, if its yes then he is ok, but a little extra help wont hurt him, most of what I take you may have in the kitchen.
The last list is so he can mix and match, just in case thing don't work for him, use my fist list as a guide.
Do hope it helps.
Good Luck
 
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00000162 responded:
I couldn't find the herbs link can you post it again?
 
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00000162 responded:
He says that my extra weight is not enough to turn him off. It took me a long time to believe him. My extra weight is more like a issue for me now as I am very self conscious about my weight now because now everyone can see it. People are judged by their weight and that will never change.


My biggest frustration is that he will not let me tough him. The way I see it is how are we going to get over this if we cannot even find a starting point physically?


I tease him all the time and he likes that but if I try to touch him the game changes instantly he becomes stiff all of a sudden pardon the pun....lol I invite him into a shower and he says doesn't say anything as if he didn't even hear me. Suddenly we are not playing any more.


I do know that he is not cheating on me because he is just not that type. He is a home body type of guy. I went out with that type before and I know the signs.
 
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00000162 responded:
I would like to know about the herbs and where I can get them


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