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dealing with teenage bipolar
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margieandjohn posted:
My daughter will be 19 in June and life with her has been a rollercoaster ride since she was 14. She left my home right after Christmas, was gone for about 3 months, moved in with her gram- just got kicked out of there after a month. Why can't family ever be enough? It has been a year since she last cut herself (thank God) but she expects life to conform around her and whatever she wants. I have sacrificed my other kids happiness and time, my husbands health all just trying to get my daughter on the right path. Part of me doesn't care where she goes at this point but she is so careless and naive- I'm afraid she'll end up hurt or worse. She won't do therapy any more, claims the meds are the problem. We had in home therapy until she turned 18- that helped with the cutting issues. She has no respect for anyone, treats people she just met far better than anybody that actually loves her. Can't hold onto friends-boyfriends. I think once they realize the way she is- they disappear. Her brother won't have anything to do with her because of something that happened between them, my husband right now can't stand her. She hit bottom when she left home in Dec. and it was my husband who asked his parents to take her in because she claimed she was desperate to have her family back and was ready to change. Not even a month goes by and she is doing to them what she did to us. No respect, could care less about rules, slamming things, screaming at them, walking out and not telling them where she's going. Now she has no where else to go. She takes nothing seriously- she'll expect someone to once again change their lives to make room for her almighty ass. Sorry- maybe I need the counseling too. I just don't know what to do, how to help or do I help. I know I can't be alone even though I feel like it. As a mom - I can't just not care no matter what she has done to me. Please someone tell me where do I go from here?
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mijana07 responded:
20 yr old, yeah that's me.

She needs a taste of life without anyone. Take her to a women's home and let her live with women that are nearly homeless, abused, neglected, strung up because they haven't had their latest fix. She needs a reality check. She is almost my age and I've dealt with the cutting. I dealt with the depression, the anxiety. I have agoraphobia and I still manage work everyday. I've been on my own since I was 17. I didn't have anywhere else to go. No friends. No family to turn to. So I quickly got the clue.

Hopefully my words and my experience will help you. Just let her be. She'll realize it. Hopefully sooner than later.

But if you see her slip, catch her and restrain her from it. She needs structure as well. It's a hard ground to find, but Concerned-Mom, you will find it. Pray to your god. I'll pray to mine. Hopefully, the tides will change for your daughter, your family, and mostly you.
 
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momuv4girls responded:
I'm sure your heart is breaking and you are at a very, very difficult / sad place right now.......I'm so sorry.

I like the advice from the gal that responded, but I also think you need some support. Have you checked out any local resources for support for yourself ?

NAMI, is great, or DBSA - - - here are their links.

www.nami.org/

www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home

Both sites have a link for 'find support' - - You may also find support with your local Hospital, if they have a mental health unit, they could inform you about local groups.

You are SO not alone, although you may feel that way . . . . . . . There are many of us parents out here who deal with mentally ill children. Its a tough road to walk, and I wish it wasn't this way, but its our life and we need to make the most of it.

Hang on, and please seek out some support / help.

Take care, Kathleen
 
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margieandjohn responded:
thank you both for your advice. I'm just afraid to let her go out there. She is so vulnerable and naive. She will believe absolutely anything someone tells her- especially if it comes from a guy. I don't want her here and I don't want her out there alone either. Everyone else kind of just washes their hands of her, I wish I could do the same but as a Mom -how can I? When things were starting to go bad at her grams- I begged her to wise up because she would have no where else to go. But it's just like she honestly doesn't care. She has never used drugs- I had her tested more times than I can count. Is this just Bipolar- I swear something is just not mentally right with her. She becomes this freak of nature screaming and slamming things, walks out and then the next day- changes her voice to this whiny fragile apologetic sound and says she's sorry- I don't know why I do what I do. I promise it'll change. She'll kiss up for a few days then boom- right back to square one. She does work but doesn't drive, won't clean up at all- lazier than hell. Yet she is an adult who I do not like or respect. She is one of four kids and the only one like this- Thank God. I don't know where this is all going to lead but thank you for your help.
 
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mijana07 responded:
I'm sorry it took so long for a follow up but i do have a little bit more advice. ^_^

I know it's expensive but mental health centers do wonders. I had to be locked away for a few weeks. as well as my sister who suffers from the same genetic mental disorder. you come out feeling refreshed and ready to not take advantage of the things around you. you come out more brave and willing to better yourself. it'd be another culture shock for her. to see people worse off than she is in a different way than a women's home. she'd be protected. she'd be taken care of. she'd be coached. she'd find self-love. she'd find family love. I know it'd be hard since she is above legal age and you can admit her without her consent. but maybe it'd be another outlet.

again if i come up with other things i will let you know.i will discuss with my mom and see how she handled my sister and me during these types of times. please keep your chin up.
 
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momjma responded:
Hi there! Sorry about your tough times but as someone else said remember you are not alone. I am glad that I found this site as I think it can be very helpful. As far as your daughter, do you have a local community mental health that you can contact? They usually have different programs available depending on the needs of the individual and have workers that can screen for inpatient needs. She obviously needs to be on medication, but the difficult thing is getting her to see that and be in agreement to take the medication. Also dont forget to take care of yourself and your husband, I know that when my son's problems increased about 2 years ago I ended up going to a therapist to help me work through the issues. Sometimes we put our family first and dont even realize what we put ourselves through. Good luck to you! As my mother always says to me put him in God's hands, it is hard to do and we always want to pick them back up but we can only do so much!
 
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sms0969 responded:
I am so sorry to hear that there is someone else feeling the pain I feel. My 15 year old son just got expelled from school yesterday and he acted like it was no big deal. He can't figure out why we are all upset! He was in a program for 22 months and came home and showed no remorse for what he had done. He is on probation and just got caught with a narcotic and can't see that he has ruined his life. My life has revolved around him, trying to get him the help I think he needs and in the mean time my husband and other children are the one's left feeling neglected. My husband was ready to leave me, my daughter hardly comes home anymore because she can't stand to be around her brother because he is so disrespectful and my little daughter thrives for mommies attention. It wasn't until yesterday that I actually opened my eyes and realized enough is enough. I hate the pain that I am feeling, but I am ready to have a nervous breakdown. I wish I had the answers to tell you where to go from here, but someone told me yesterday, you need to take care of yourself first before you can think of doing anything. I know I need counseling, but I am always worried about everyone but me. I am tired of trying and it not working and getting kicked in the teeth over and over again. I love him sooo much and don't know what to do. He has no respect for people. He doesn't care what people think of him. It is like he is in his own little world and everyone is wrong and he has all the answers. He takes his meds only because he is 15, he said when he turns 18 he is off them because he doesn't need them. Honestly, I don't know if he is bipolar or just a selfish uncaring individual right now. I wish there would be some kind of medicine to fix this, but I really don't think there is. If you do find out something, please let me know. Thanks for listening.
 
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chamb5 responded:
I can sympathize with what you are dealing with. I love my daughters very much! Three girls, 17,19 and 28. My 19 year old is bipolar and sometimes it's just more than I can deal with. Last night she busted into her 17 yr/o sisters room and poured cream rinse all over her floor, clothes, bed, school books, etc. I got woke up to a fighting match at 1130 p.m. My 19 yr old just laugh and says she doesn't care we love the oldest and the youngest anyway. We don't give a F** about her. She is fine one minute then like crazy the next, she rapid cycles. Both girls screaming foul language at each other, telling each other they wished they would just kill them selves that nobody wants them here anyway! Ugh! This has been going on for years! 19 yr old takes her med, not willing though. She is in college, has held the same job for 2 years, but can;t seem to stand the people who love her most. She is moving into her first apartment this weekend. Thank God! But I am afraid for her, yet I think it will be a reality check as well. Besides, the youngest needs a break as well, she sleeps with her door locked and a chair against it, she says her sister is Psycho. Then the next day they are doing each others hair! I don't know where to go from here, just one day, one battle at a time!
 
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retailnut1 responded:
I cried reading your story. Everything you said was like I was reading about my family life. My daughter is 13. I have always had problems with her. I should have looked for some help years ago. She has no respect for her parents and other family member that love her the most. I wish I had the love that her friends get from her. She is angry and aggressive toward her family to the point of being threatning. I 've called the police two times in regard to this.She has no repect for rules. She is a different person at school or I would be hearing from teachers. She is goes from extremely upset to calm in a matter of minutes. She has had increased weight gain in the last year but claims she doesn't over eat. Has always been jealous of her brother 11 years old. She will do one chore around the house in a 6 month period and claim she does alot and never gets rewarded. I tell her I work 40 hours a week, cook for her, wash dished, wash clothes, clean house and all I get is a little princess telling me I don't make time for her. I don't get any reward for what I do. I threaten to take her cell phone away and she tells me, "well you won't know how to get ahold of me". She has been informed that when she is old enough to work, she will pay for her cell phone or loose it. The Family computer will be off limits to her unless she helps pay for the internet bill. I won't see this disrespect when she becomes an adult. She will either straighten up and fly right or she will leave my house. My parental responsibility ends at 18 or after she graduates high school. I have taken a step today. I have called a phyciatrist office and I'm waiting to here back. I was told by a councelor to have a mental evaluation done on her. Then go from there. I will take this one step at a time. To you and everyone that has replied to you, WE ARE NOT ALONE. I will be coming back to this forum knowing now that I'm not the only one. sometimes you just need to talk to someone else who is going through the same thing. Sometimes that person needs to be non family. Take care everyone.
 
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Mellbrown responded:
Hi everyone, this is my first time on this site. I'm reading your posts and I understand everything you are saying. My 17 yr old son was just diagnosed today with bipolar disorder 2. He has been in and out of therapy now for a couple of years. He always seems somewhat depressed to me and has since puberty but he seems to have a lot of issues where girls are concerned. He begins to date someone and just falls completely in love with her. He is so intense that he scares teenage girls away and when they break up with him he falls completely apart. We've been through this cycle several times now and his latest girlfriend just broke up with him on Saturday and this week has just been dreadful. I've had about 2 hrs of sleep in the last 48 hours because he's only sleep that much and I'm afraid to sleep if he's awake. He acts so irrational that I'm afraid he will hurt himself. I took him to our family physician this afternoon and he is recommending therapy again but is hesitant to put my son on any medication because of the side effects. I'm not normally an advocate for medicating children but I have to admit I was almost hoping he would just give us some medication to help him through this time. I"m not looking forward to going through this again and I'm worried about the effect it is having on his brother. It's just so stressful around here that I sent his brother to stay the night with a friend just to get him out of the house for some relief. Thanks for listening. I'll pray for us all.
 
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FroggSplash71 responded:
Hi after reading all of the posts I too can feel all your frustrations and concerns. I have a 14 yr old son that was diagnosed 2 yrs ago with bipolar and he too can rapid cycle, he has the issues with females where he can be best friends but if something goes haywire ... he will just lose it. normally its the same girl and I have tried to have the 2 of them separated at school and that doesn't work, I have asked him to stay away from her apparently that doesn't work either because he still hangs with her. Just this past Feb, he got a domestic assault against me for pushing me during one of his cycles and has since been out of the home, we are working on getting him back home with me. He is medicated but one thing we found out in the last 6 months he also suffered from anxiety, once they put him on an anxiety med, this has helped to calm him down at school and he does well in the public. This year being a freshman in high school he has joined the JROTC program which makes him have respect and he wants to stay in that program and with that he knows he has to tow the line behavior wise, we have had two outbursts this year which is much better then previous years in school!!! I just wanted to let you know there is hope and I like another poster said didn't believe in medicating a child but with my son I had no other choice as without the meds my daughter whom is now 18 and I would have gone crazy the last 2 yrs. I still feel alone as I don't have support for myself here in my town, one because I have no vehicle to get to a support group they have that is not even near a bus line. and two being a single mom I don't usually have time to find things to help me, I happen to be on webmd for another issue and saw the bipolar disorder info on the side bar and I found this. Hopefully I can get some support and ideas to deal with my son to make this easier. Even though he is improving, there are days I feel like I'm going to lose it..
 
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lindaels responded:
My daughter just turned 20 and we also have been though the wringer since she has been about 15. She won't usually agree she is bipolar and won't take her meds so we tend to have lot's of problems too. I know. how you feel. You get to a point when they are destroying your family and you've tried so much and you just what them to go away. Even though that makes you feel bad too!. One of her Doctors told me once when I asked I don't know what's because4 of the illness or what's just bad behavior and her answer was it doesn't matter. Bad behavior is bad behavior. She has an illness there is medicine we have explained that to her and if she doesn't take it and her behavior is bad then she has to be held responsible. As hard as that is It is what I have had to stick to. I feel for you Because I know I look ahead to her future and if she doesn't come around to taking her meds I just don't know. I have to say though with maturity some of it gets the tiniest bit better. But there's always something. I do go to a counselor sometimes when things are tough and she helps me big time. Just makes me feel better! Good luck.
 
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onedayfreedom responded:
Boy do I know how you feel. Im in a panic attack mode. Im my SD of course step mother. Im so angrey at her I call her her dads daughter. Every year for the past three years we dealt with ups and downs and behavioral problems. The first year she claimed she took pill and was a 5150, last year it was passing a teacher a suicide note. Then she ran away for a couple of times. then I saw her spiraling again I told her dad and he was not getting her help right away, then she was a 5150 two weeks ago because she made a man made knife brought it to school, told a teacher im going to hurt these five friends and kill my step mom. Im going to wait till she sleeps and then i will kill her. In the pyche ward she said she has every intention on killing me. so after being heavilly medicated, they said we have to discharge her because she dosnt have that intention anymore. Im wigged out because she wrote about five notes of people she wants to kill and of course im on it. theres blood smeared on it. My husband is ready to have a breakdown. His family is telling me to get over my fear and move on to taking care of her. Our marriage is on the line. She has always been disrespectfull. her sister is getting neglected. docters just say she is really depressed but wont say she is bipolar only the discharge papers from the first hospital said. Its frustrating. and traumatic.
 
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onedayofpeace responded:
This is the first time I have found a site and discussion board for these situations and am very relieved to find it. I have been dealing with my daughter, 16 and her episodes. She has also threatened family members and is very malicious with words , actions and intentions. Its extremely hard to deal with. My child is very manipulative and intelligent to the point where she intentionally creates situation to get what she wants,,, at the expense of anyone around her. I dont know how to deal with a child who writes about killing and creates detailed accuational stories about others, yet face to face with medical professionals, she portrays that she did nor said a thing. Im trying to decide at what point do you reach out for residential treatment and how do you actually get the child the residential treatment when she manipulates mental health professionals. Do parents of children like mine sleep? I dont. I need counseling and meds i feel at this point. I appreciate your words,,, I know Im not the only one. Thank you
 
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stressedoutmom2868 responded:
Dear M&J your post sounded so similar to yours, I cried when I read it. Iwas really beginning to think I was all alone and I've been dealing with 2 bi-polar kids for over 10 yrs. I'm becoming very frustrated with "the professionals" because after 9 yrs. of Dr.s and counselors my 14 yr. old daughter is getting worse. What you wrote read like I wrote it myself. Things have gotten so bad that I've been turned in to the local CSB as the result of the violence and inciting others (usally her 2 brothers who are both 50 lbs. lighter than she is) to fight. The destruction to my family, home, and mental health is too vast to even discuss. It;s gotten so bad I am seriously considering giving custody of her to her Grandmother. I don't think I'd be able to continue dealing w/ this situation into her adulthood as you have. I'm so lost and confused and I felt completely alone till signing onto this board. Maybe it's a ray of hope for both of us. Someone has to have some answers. I believe families like ours suffer for years, often silently . I've humiliated, injured, berated, lied to, stolen from, and defied, all on afairly regular basis. I'm not even sure I agree w/ her diagnosis(luckily I have a 4 yr. degee in psychology) I've questioned it over and over but she was just hopitalized a little over a month ago and they upheld it again. I'm at my wits end and what is making harder is the fact that she has alienated to the point of giving up and not caring anymore. Even worse, now that I'm under scrutiny by county services I absolutely refuse to wind her up again by telling her no or restricting her. She lies to everyone and it would most certainly be blamed on me or her 2 brothers if something happened again. When I tell her no she either becomes destructive or she will scream at the top of her lungs. I can really relate to your issue w/ the sex and boys too. Three months ago she was still playng w/ dolls and then she was coerced into a sexual situation and hasn't ben the same since, but like your daughter, sees nothing wrong w/ her behavior. Her initial response to any question or(God forbid) any criticism is to blame others. She (and I w/ her) have suffered w/ abnormal(is that politically correct - if not, sorry) behavior since she was a baby. She is extremely intelligent and I guess I always assumed her judgement and decision making skills would improve as she got older. Definely not the case, she has actuaaly gotten worse. She's been on every med. under the sun and been in counselling since age 5. At this point I feel I'm finally caving in the stress, physically and mentally. I think I 've been running on empty for a long time but my faith and prayers have kept me going. I'm just praying for relief at this point and really don't have much hope for help or answers. The worst thing of all is that all these "professionals" are now advising me to have her adjudicated through the juvenile court and that her illness is no excuse for her behavior, that she has to held accountable. This absolutely fries me. I highly disagree and so does my sister who has been a psychiatric nurse for over 30 yrs. I guess this mentality is a big reason the prisons are overcrowded. I personnally have felt for a long time that my daughter and others like her are being seriously discriminated against. Many prayers and good luck to you w/ your daughter. Make sure and log in again to let us know if things get better and how they got better.


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