My 6.5 year old stepson has symptoms of a behavioral disorder since he was about 2.5. I thought I figured him out when he was 4 yrs old I came across an ODD website, always been extremely ADD and defiant behavior definitely fit the mold. He alternated between meltdowns and defiant mean behavior constantly, but at age 5.5 his doctor said other than extreme ADHD he couldnt be diagnosed until he hit kindergarten. His mother says he has "class clown syndrome" or a "silly disorder" because when he isnt throwing tantrum after tantrum his behavior is quite odd, he acts like he is 2. He lies on the floor (wherever, home, store, trains) keeps repeating baby talk or his own made up language when asked to do something. He hates being told what to do or listening at all, so if he isnt screaming mad for you being "mean to him" (asking him to get dressed or put on his shoes or find his backpack) he lays on the ground and says "Shoo la, cock a locka , cookoo, pooko, etc" and will do this for 10 minutes. I looked up bipolar disorder in children and he completely to a "T" fits the description. Severe separation anxiety=he has to know where his father is every second, even if he is in the bathroom he panics. He has no coping skills, no control over his emotions and no respect for authority. You can help him all day long with whatever he asks and as soon as you say "please wait im busy with dinner" he has a tantrum and says his family hates him and why does he have to do everything himself? He cant dress himself without meltdowns and he has no interest in learning to be independent like tie his shoes, dress himself, he argues every point and thinks we are all against him if we dare refuse his request. He turned 6 before he started kindergarten, but his mother held him back even though he was in preschool, pre-K and Junior K for the 3 years prior so she knows something is up but wont admit anything other than he is super hyper and silly and horrible attitude. He is doing "great" academic wise in Kindergarten (he had 3 years of school prior) but his citizenship is horrible, wont sit still, doesnt listen, is super silly getting the other kids to laugh and not pay attention, he punched a girl in the face and was sent to the principal but his Dad never followed up. Now he is obsessed with this Skylanders video game, he plays it about 8 hours a day, switching between my husbands smart phone, laptop and the Wii, then asks to watch a MOVIE. I told my husband he is killing his braincells and please read to him, teach him to tie his shoes, play catch but he thinks he is "fine." His little league coach says he is ADHD and doesnt listen, acts silly. My main concern is my 3.5 year old daughter is exposed to his daily tantrums and clown behavior and thinks its normal. He tries to teach her to speak his clown language by saying words like "poo-poo" or caca-laca for objects and im disgusted. My daughter is only 3 and in pre-k already, she is excelling in school and is super smart but is exposed to his constant erratic clown behavior and meltdown episodes that no one is bothering to admit exists. I see her mimicing him and I want to cry. His social behavior is disgusting, and Im sick of it. Both his parents are completely dillusional and biased. They think its nothing. Yet when my 3 year old acts like him by repeating his nasty attitude she is in the "terrible 3's!!" If my SS asks my husband for his cell phone to play his video game and my husband replys "just a minute son" he lashes out "your just sitting there speaking to her how is this helping me, you dont care about me, gee what a nice family" like a little brat. I cant stand being around him, I need help, advice, something. We cant do anything ever as a family without his meltdowns, easter was ruined because he didnt find enough eggs, christmas was ruined because his cookie broke, etc . HELP!l He bullys my 3 yr old and makes her feel like crap because she cant add yet!
Next, set up an appointment for you and your husband to go talk to him/her about his son (without the step-son there). When you meet with the Dr. have a list of behaviors you want to discuss and see what the Dr. says..... Maybe if your husband hears from someone else (other than you), that there is something wrong, he will be more open to treatment.
This is really tough, and now there is a little person watching her brother act out - and honestly, it could become dangerous for her as the little guy gets older and stronger, because its doubtful his melt-downs and anger will just stop on their own.
Thank you so much Kathleen, I feel so isolated and the situation is making me bitter, resentful and hating my relationship with my spouse. I tried pointing out the symptoms of childhood bipolar to my husband (there were so many that paralleled his son's I thought he would be relieved), but instead he focused on the few that were symptoms of older kids that he wasnt displaying (yet), like grandiosity and basically made me feel like I was spearheading a campaign against his son. I just want answers and hope and direction. The real, real issue here is, I think my husband is also bipolar, since reading the disorder is highly inherited, so my husband would then have to admit HE had the problem and face those demons. My husband shows signs with his mood swings and has adult ADD (takes Adderoll), he smokes pot daily just to deal with our family issues and also has to drink several glasses of wine everynight, he is self-medicating the obvious. I believe he is a hypocrite, why doesnt he see he cant cope with life without "medicating" so why would a 6 year old with the same issues. I have two family members in denial of their disorder refusing to acknowledge anything. Not only that, but he defends everything his son does and says we are all mean and picking on him. My husband has another 9 year old daughter (sister to stepson) that is suffering tremendously from the 6yr old's defiant behavior and we are constantly, I mean all day long, breaking up fights between them-but my husband ALWAYS takes his son's side, becuase he feels sorry for him, their fights lead to our fights because he is so blind to the situation. Leaving us girls, upset and bitter because he gets away with everything. My husband never asks details when they argue but instead says to his son "girls are mean dont play with them I will play with you!" he's talking about his OWN DAUGHTERS, 9 AND 3!!! The girls cant stand their brother because he wont share, yells, screams, grabs everything, makes up his own rules, etc, so they dont want to play with him and I dont blame them because I dont either!! Its a bad, bad situation and Im always defending my 3 year old, its like a second job when my stepson is around which is EVERY Thurs-Mon, he is constantly yelling at her, flipping out over every little thing and I cant stand it anymore. I have no support from my husband. Its them against us. Which is sad because my daughter is his too My husband just got a job offer in a city 4 hours away and I was estatic because I thought the bio-mom would then have them full time and we would get part time visitation once a month or whatever, which meant I could live my my life again without this white elephant destroying our family and he and I could focus on our unstable marriage, But then he said, which scares me tremendously, that he would give up his older daughter and just take his son to make sure he was taken care of, by US, mainly ME. This broke my heart in two. The only thing saving my sanity now is the fact that they go to their bio-mothers Mon-Thurs every week and I get a break from him, if I have to deal with my stepson full time I will have to leave the marriage, its THAT BAD!!! Thanks for listening, Im venting a lot, it was a rough weekend as usual....
So sorry to hear about your situation. I have a 14 year old son, who I was previously in denial about. He was diagnosed with Separation Anxiety and ODD as a child. At one point I started him on medication risperdal. I then read where it could lead to suicide. I then thought I could treat him by talking to him.calmly. By the time he entered High School he became very aggressive in school. On one occasion he threw a computer. I now have him back on medication.
I so feel your pain regarding your daughter. I am in the same situation with my twin 7 year old girls who see very odd behavior from my adopted son, their 1/2 brother. I have cried and cried about this, even thinking it would be better if I just left with my girls...I know that's not the answer but sometimes it seems like running away would help. I'm thinking of you and you really need to get your husband to LISTEN to you and get him to take action!!! Good luck
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