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Very serious/need help O/T
debw216 posted:
Oh guys, I really need your opinions on a very serious issue!! About a month ago I was over my daughters house.... She said that she wanted to talk to me about something, but she didn't want the kids to hear, so we went into the garage for a cigarette.

She asked me if I remembered her telling me, that the house across the street sold and some one moved in last Nov. And I said, "Yes." She then said, that at first, it was a guy about my age that moved in there. Then she said that around Christmas time another guy moved in, and she thought, it was the older guy's son. But wasn't sure.... And he was roughly in his mid to late 20's.

She said that for Christmas, they put Christmas decorations up. And of course, she didn't think anything about it. Then Valentines Day rolled around and then they put those decorations up. (decals in the windows) Then the day after Valentines Day, the St. Patrick's Day decals went up.... guessed it! The day after St Patricks Day, the Easter decals went up in the window!

Well, she started thinking..... And she thought it was strange because there seemed to be, no small children ever seen at that house. So, she checked online and guess what??? Yep, the younger guy is a convicted sex-offender!!

The next city over from us, is where he was part of a sting operation! He thought he was talking to a """12 year old""" girl, and all the while he was really talking to a under cover cop!!!

Now here is where I need help. I told her that I thought she should call the police....because first of all, I have my grandchildren living across the street from this guy! Also they live only about 4 blocks from their I think he is not supposed to live that close to either children or a school. I have 4 grandchildren...ages 3,8,9 and 12. Ages 3 and 9 are girls and the other two are boys.

She said, that it was a good idea and that she would do that. Roughly about a week later, I asked her if she had called the police yet, and she said, "No, I've been meaning too but have been pretty busy." She also said, that she wanted to call when the kids weren't around.

Then about a week after that, I again asked her if she called the police yet. Her exact first words to me were, "Mom, don't make me sorry that I told you about this, I will call when I have the time."

I then told her that this was a very serious issue, and it needed attention asap. She then informed me that her and her boyfriend were just thinking about maybe David (boyfriend) going over there and telling the guy, that "We know what you did, and we are going to keep our eyes on you."

I said, "What?' "Are you kidding me..... The police need to know about all of these decorations that are going up in those windows... Because for me, I see this as a way to "lure" in young children. Kind of like using "bait" to attrack them."

Well, that was it....cased was closed. It was dropped, and I still don't know what they have done about this, if anything.... Now guys, this is a very busy neighborhood.... There are children everywhere!!

Yes, granted her boyfriend is huge....I mean like, football player huge. But still, I dont think this is the right way to go..... So tell me... Am I over reacting to this mess?? Should I be this concerned??

What do you guys think?
deal14 responded:
in my opinion, if she is too "busy"(who the heck is too busy for this?!) then you should call! You know where the guy lives and Im sure you could find his name and explain whats been going on and that you are worried and want some answers. Dont wait for your daughter. Plus I dont like the idea of the BF going over and saying that they are watching him because this guy may take that as competition and he may then try to do something to the kids because this guy said he couldnt so he will try and prove your daughter and her BF wrong...ya know? I may sound paranoid but I dont like that kind of crap going on!
CORYSGIRL30 responded:
Bring it to the media-You got any schools and daycares closeby? THings like that always get on the tv around here. Well...if that happens...

I'd contact your city MP (or whatever yours are called, sorry I'm in Canada) officials that can notify the the school...The laws here state that it must be made public, that all sex offenders that are being released back into the public. Judicial notices are distributed thru all schools, as notes to parents.

And good grief the little ones...Put up a security camera that monitors to your laptop or tv....
from1952 responded:
Call the police. If the police knew where he was living, your daughter would have had an official notification. He is living under the radar. I can't repeat it enought, call the police.
teddybear200 responded:
Hello - if she won't call then you call. Sending the BF over is not a good thing. Let the police get involved again. You want help then call the police.
Dollbug responded:
Deb......MiMi in NC....if the children were my betcha.....I would have been on the telephone as soon as I knew.....whether anyone liked it or are correct....people are supposed to be notified....and it seems like they are trying to lure children to the house.....with all the decorations being put up....

DO NOT WAIT ON YOUR have every right to notify the authorities and let them do whatever must be done.....and that is exactly how I would handle this issue....

I hope you have already notified them today.....if not....please do

Take care and someone will THANK YOU....for doing this....

Anjl26 responded:
I'm going to try to play devil's advocate for a moment... putting up decorations in your windows is not a crime. I don't have children, rarely do children come to my home, but I like to decorate for holidays. Does that make me a bad person?

You can go online to your state's website to see what the laws are in your state regarding sex offenders and notifications. If there is a notification law, then call the police station and ask why they weren't notified.

The boyfriend going over is a bad move all the way around. What if he is actually not doing anything wrong? The neighbor could then file a complaint against her boyfriend if he wants to be a jerk. Or worse, pull a weapon or something.

There's little the police can do about decorations. But they can arrest him if he is breaking the law in regards to registering, living arrangements etc. That is the route to pursue in my opinion.
MagPrincess replied to Dollbug's response:

I agree with what from1952 said. He is under the radar. I believe he can not live within 1000 feet of a school here and cannot be within five hundred feet of a school at anytime.


I would not advise the news. CALL THE POLICE!!!

I also would not suggest the boyfriend going over there. THat only leads to hate and bad neighbors. I know how that sounds but "they" have some rights as well and that is not helpful to have someone come over to there house and say that.

Also if you know his first and last name or even not the neighborhood your daughter lives in is good enough as most states not only have searches by name but also you can see how many of these people live in each zip code at least you can in Florida.
Grampa_Bear replied to MagPrincess's response:
Hi Erin,

I agree 100%...let the Police do their need for vigilante operations. The cops are paid to take risks (and they have bullet proof vests), we don't.

I don't know how many times I sat surveillance on a neighborhood and discovered creeps trying to lure kids to either their houses or cars...of course, I kept the local police patrol fully informed on location, license numbers, photographs, etc.

Don't get the news involved, because the next thing you know, You're the 'Bad Guy' and the pervert is the victim, and we don't need that.

Take care,

fibroinsd responded:
I would call the police, to find out what the rules are. From what I know, they can't live close to school, daycare, etc. It is good for you to make sure your grandkids know never to go there...and never to trust those people. You don't have to scare them, but let them know that you don't want them ever going over there. Just say something like they are different, and we need to stay away from them.

And make sure your grandkids can let you know if anything happens.

It is a problem. These people have to live somewhere, but they also have rules they have to live by. They have to report where they live, etc. Make sure they are living by the rules.

Try not to panic. Not all are going to act again...but you need to be aware and use caution.
Socialwrkr responded:
Ok, several things. I was a child sexual abuse investigator for 14 years, I'm forensically trained in the field.

*Without question the boyfriend needs to stay away. He will only cause more issues.

*It depends on the specific charges that he was found guilty of for notification. If the only crime was talking to "a 12 year old" that turned out to be a cop, chances are he wasn't convicted of a crime that requires notification of the neighborhood.

*There are laws regarding how close he can live to schools and daycares, but not other children. He can by law live across the street from any child, regardless of his criminal charges. And 4 blocks is probably within the legal limit for him to live from the school. That's a state by state distance, your local police will know.

*I have to agree that putting up decorations isn't a big red flag in my book. In my experience with sexual criminals, they aren't that obvious in attracting attention.

So, are you overreacting? I don't know, I'd rather that then not reacting. Are your grandkids in contact with this guy? They do need to be told to stay away from that house and to not interact with the men living there, period.

And yes, if your daughter hasn't called the police, you probably should. But I'll be honest, chances are slim much will happen. I don't know if I'd say the guy is living under the radar, but the cops can't stop him from decorating his home. Your better solution would be to talk to your grand kids and ensure they know to not interact with the guy. The cops will know if he is living too close to the school though.

Take care

debw216 replied to Socialwrkr's response:
WOW! I knew I could count on you guys for good and sound advice! Thank you all, so much!!

from1952: My daughter found him on a sex offender list, so he is "not" under the radar. It listed his name and also the apparently he did inform the police that he is living there.

Dear MiMi.... That is exactly what I thought too...regarding all of the decorations! And my daughter thought enough of it also, to want to check it out, on the online sex offenders list.

Sharon, thank you for your "devil's advocate" role! Yes, that is exactly why I don't want her boyfriend to go over there. It might make things worse!

Erin: My daughter did a search based on the zip code and that is how she found him. I don't know what the law is for Michigan as far as living close to a school...but will find out! Thank you!!

Jim: Yes, that is what I think far as calling the police! Jim, I know these guys use "bait" like items to lure young children. And I just think that, why would two grown men put decorations up like that, with no young children living there or even seen visiting there! It seems weird to me and very suspect.

Cece: Great advice on how to talk to the kids about this! I do know that my daughter has talked to them numerous times, about the dangers of strangers...etc. Has also had the talk about what is "good" touch, as opposed to "bad" touch, and what to do about, tell someone...etc

Aimee: What a hard profession, that would be!! But I also bet, a rewarding one! I know first hand the experiences that these children have to deal with. Because I was also molested by an uncle, starting at age 3 and continued through to 12. So its hard for me to be objective about this...hence my reaction to this situation. But its hard because I don't want to over step my bounds, with my daughter either...but at the same time, I want to jump in and at least do something about this!

This guy apparently tried to lure this, what he thought was a 12 yr old girl, to meet with him to have sex. The site that my daughter found him on, also gave pretty detailed information. And even gave somewhat of an account of what was said, during these conversations. She said that it was all pretty detailed and pretty nasty!

He was very serious about meeting up with this 'girl/police officer" and even set up a day, time and place to do that....and thats when the police caught him.

My grandchildren have no contact with this guy. My daughter pretty much keeps them in the back yard to play. But with summer coming up, of course they are going to want to ride their bikes and play out in front.

Im especially worried about my 3 yr old granddaughter, because when she see's the older children outside playing then she wants to follow them! And if my daughter is busy, in the bathroom, on the phone etc....she could slip outside un-noticed, which she has done in the past before!

Im a grandma, and I am going to be worried about this situation regardless. Last Sept, I did check the sex-offender list and found another 3 men on it, that live in this neighborhood. I wrote down the names and address of these guys and gave it to my daughter. Its good to always be aware, and between her and I....we usually check this list at least twice a year. Just to keep updated on who is living around us.

I will talk to my daughter today and find out any new information.... And I will tell her then, that if she doesn't make that call to the police, then I will have it do it myself. The boyfriend going there is "not" the answer. And I will also be more assertive in my opinion that the police need to be called, first and foremost.

Again, thank you all sooooo much!!! Will keep you posted on what happens!

DebW ((((gentle hugs)))) for everyone!
debw216 replied to debw216's response:
I also wanted to say that when all of this happened, (sting operation) it said on the website, that it did hit the local news media. It was also in the papers...etc.

And my daughter made the statement, that the guy looked a little familar to her.... So maybe this is also a good thing...because if he is known for this, then there are a lot of eyes watching him and he knows it! I don't know, but will find out more.....

Thanks again everyone!
debw216 replied to debw216's response:
Hi everyone, I talked to my daughter today. I asked her if she had called the police yet. She told me, that a couple of days after our last talk, her boyfriend called his cousin. His cousin is a police officer for a neighboring city. (He has three cousins who are police officers for the same city) Talk about back up!

Anyway, he explained everything to him and he said, it was not a crime to put decorations up. But he also said that it was odd, that they did. He told him to "not" go over there and have that talk! And to take the children aside and have a talk with them...regarding strangers...etc. And keep a good eye on the children, and to be very aware of the surroundings.

Then a day after that talk, a police officer showed up on my daughters street. She said that this officer parked his squad car in front of her next door neighbors house. And he sat there for about a half hour. Then the next day, it was the same thing.

Then a couple of days later, it happened again. Only, this time the officer was approached by yet another neighbor, asking if anything was wrong. The neighbor explained to the officer that he had lived there for over 10 yrs and he's never seen an officer park there before. The neighbor told my daughters boyfriend, that the officer said, that he was parked there because he was waiting to see if someone would run a stop sign, at the corner about 6 houses down.

Well come to find out, the cousin ended up calling another officer from our city and told him about this situation. And I guess this is their way of keeping an eye on this guy. Also the cousin said, that this way, this guy will see this cop at different times of day and staying different lengths of time...etc. And it will keep him on his toes. Kinda like putting the pressure on him...but yet not saying anything.....

So, yes I am somewhat relieved. And of course, I am still worried too. But at least its something. My daughter did apologize for not telling me sooner. She said that, she knew that I was worried about it....but kept forgetting to tell me what was going on. She is looking for work, non-stop. And she has 4 children....3 of whom have anywhere from 1 to 2 hours of homework a night. Not to mention the little league that the two boys are that is 4 nights a week that she is on the run, just for those activities alone. So, I understand how busy she is.

Again, thank you all so much for your input. You guys are the best!!
MagPrincess replied to debw216's response:
Glad to hear it!!

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