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tired of this life
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angelldakota posted:
Hi all... had a long day and of course don't long days go slower then others... I got up at 5 and drank a cup of coffee only to go back to bed till after 6... then I got up and got ready for my dr appointment... another ekg and check with my internal meds dr...

the pain and weakness made the shower a very short one... my legs didn't want to hold me up and the stretching I did just to get out of bed didn't phase my pain or stiffness... then I fell to the bathroom instead of walked... missed the toilet seat and onto the floor... not nice fall at all... so add a little lot more pain... now we are at least up to a 10 on the pain scale... then I tripped on something and almost fell and think I would have felt better if I had fallen...

Then it is on the way to dr... Wasn't a pleasant visit... Flunked the pre op again... ekg was bad... Blood pressure was bad... Summer Bronchitus was better lol...

So... I told her it is time to go see my cardiologist...
I don't like my blood pressures so high... 158/88 when my dr said my highest should be 160/90... high but with my pain that is where he will go... now there is no pain treatment and lots of pain so everything is haywire... blood sugar is bouncing between crashing and high too...

So I called my cardiologist to see if I needed a new authorization and they said no so I see him tomorrow... Plus now she won't be doing my pre op on my heart he will... I am actually glad about that... she claims that the pain doesn't effect your heart... your blood pressure yeh... heart no...

She gave me an anti inflamatory but I haven't picked it up yet so I don't know the name of it... I will try to mention it later... when it gets here... If it ever gets here.... that's the second person to forget to pick them up lol...

haven't got the energy or guts to go out in 109 degrees lol... was 106 when I came home... so I just dropped off prescriptions and ran home fast... air conditioner or not I still had to fight the heat to get inside... and crawling was slow lol... someone else is picking them up so I don't have to go out...

Had quiet time with the little ones... watched a movie till they were ready for bed... they were both asleep by 8:30 but I was watching a movie... turned boring... so I am back...

I am so tired of this pain... I decided to try to take the new med so I can function some during the day... I don't sleep that bad anymore now that the trazadone was increased... I actually got 6 hours solid sleep last night... a long stretch from 1 to 2 hours... I am tired but awake and when I lie down tonight I wake up lol...

but I am so tired of this pain... I am worse then sad tonight... I am depressed and almost in tears with it... it has made me so anxious... I am just burned out... I just am so tired of hurting and trying to stay positive and pretending nothing is wrong and I am OK... I don't know what to do... I feel like I could cry a thousand tears and then cry a thousand more... but that would be a dead give away... I want to pace but I would have to do it in the wheelchair and I don't forsee that happening... but I don't foresee me pacing around on my feet either... just too much pain... so I sit and I shake... I jerk...

I crashed with my sugar tonight... took me a bit to get it back up... I sure felt like pacing then...

I can feel the negativity and depression building.. I have a movie that I wanted to watch real bad and just can't get into anything... I just have no interest in anything... I have been working on this for over 5 hours...

I need to find my peace again but it is beyond my reach... I am scared that I am going down hill too fast... and I am tired of it all... I don't know what to do... I have little strength... and all this anxiety zapping the rest o f it... I have no anxiety pills...

well I guess I should stop... running out of characters...

take care and thanks for being here...

luv... jan/angelldakota
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annette030 responded:
Call 911 or have someone take you to the ER. Your depression needs to be evaluated by a professional.

No one's BP should be higher than 140/90. If you need pain meds, then you need pain meds. If your BP meds need to be re-evaluated, then they should be. Same with your diet and meds for your blood sugars.

Take care, Annette
 
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pocotaz responded:
Angel.... i have to agree with Annette on this one... i don't like your doctor... doesn't sound to compassionate... more afraid for herself than what's happening to you both physically and emotionally... please take care of you..

I know this fight is hard on you but please don't give up the fight... getting back on your pain meds sounds like it would bring down the level of pain and anxiety from it..

She is so worng about the blood pressure numbers to...good grief...

Take care and know we are here... hold on honey...

Sending tons of hugs...Linda
 
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Dollbug responded:
Hello Jan.....I sure hope you will feel better.....I am sure that the doctors want you to be at your very best before any surgery is done....

So try to rest up....and do whatever the doctor tells you to do...

Thoughts and prayers are with you....

May GOD comfort Jan at this time and provide her with the strength that she needs....

Take care...


MiMi
IN GOD WE TRUST....MAY GOD BLESS AND GUIDE AMERICA.... My personal exchanges are Vitamin D and Pain and Wrath of the Dragon....if you care to visit..
 
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jamesii responded:
Jan, so sad that you are going thru so much right now. I have been there where I hurt so bad, or was so ill that I physically and mentally wanted to die just to get relief. I hear that in your note. I agree that you need help now, perhaps go to the ER and ask for help in any form they can provide.

I went once with the Fibro, before I started getting treated, they had tested me for everything they could test for and found nothing wrong. The dr called a Psych dr who said I had an overload of seratonin. later I found that was wrong, but at least she tried to help. Anything to get relief right now.

Bull is what I say when a dr says pain won't affect your BP, My dr's are always telling me it is a bit bit high because you are ill or in pain. The longer you wait on demanding someone help you get it down, the more damage to your arteries it can cause. I hope and pray you get it solved soon.

Remember, you are loved, prayed for, and very much appreciated as a valuable member of our family.

Ark Jim
 
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Anjl26 responded:
Jan I hope your doctors see their mistake and get you back on at least some of your meds. I would really push them in that direction.

If they want to be cautious with the pain meds, fine, but you need something. Keep after them to help you.
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you decide to see beyond the imperfections. hugs Sharon
 
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alispazz responded:
Jan

Sounds to me like you are in a vicious cycle, so sorry to hear that.

You need to cry if that is what it takes the cry 10,000tears as they have a way of releasing alot of pent up stress and depression.....Trust me, every once in a while I have to just go hide and cry....and sometimes it is the best medicine.

I agree on the Dr issue, maybe it is time to go back to the one who cares....The heart Dr may be the best bet on that, he will know how to get the BP down fastest and hopefully if that happens you will feel better.

Hugs Dear one

Ali
Follow your heart and not your dreams..the dreams are from your mind and can lead you astray, the heart never can..SMOLOL Hugs Ali
 
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MaMaTwig responded:
Hi Jan,
My name is Christina, and GOD BLESS YOU, I know when you are in so much pain that the depression takes over, and I for one found a Dr. that gives me my pain med, because without it I could not function thru the day, I have to work right now, and I either have to sit hours upon hours at a computer, or I have to stand for hours, which I can't do either.

I need to make my monthly apprt with my Dr. and I am goin to ask him if I could get something else for depression because the Cymbalta just doesn't seem to help me anymore, and I don't want it to affect my family, so I am asking to switch and he will he doesn't think soemone should be forced to deal with pain. Some people look down on me for taking all of the pa in meds that I take, but I know I have to so I can function, and My Dr. knows that, because on top of the FM, I have some bulging discs pressing on my nerves in neck adn back....

It is always nice to have support like here, but also I know someone areound me who is going thru the same thing as me and we speak on the phone. HAve you ever check to see if there is some support groups in your area? Well you knw you can vent here anytime you want!!!!!
CHRISTINA :)
 
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fibroinsd responded:
Jan...This is not like you...Please do like Annette said...and call 911...and get evaluated...You need to let people know that you need help.

We do care...and we want you well...please ask for help.

cece
Let's put the fun back in dysfunctional !- Mary Englebright
 
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1wareaglefan responded:
God bless you, Jan. I'm sorry I can't remember why you said you were taken off your meds, but I do know that when I've quit taking an antidepressant, I crashed horribly. You obviously need that in your system, and when you stop it suddenly, it causes bad reactions in your body.

I agree with the others that you need to get help for the depression and pain as soon as you can. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please keep us posted! Elizabeth
 
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terramac59 replied to 1wareaglefan's response:
Jan,

Im so sorry you are suffering so much. I agree with others that this has reached crisis point. You need to forget about what your doctor is saying and doing(not) and go to the ER. Please go in and DEMAND that someone help you. Do not take no for an answer. Someone has to be able to help.

Terri
 
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angelldakota replied to MaMaTwig's response:
Thanks for all the support... I have had a tiring day but thought I would read a bit... you are all so dear... I will post an update in a minute... I just wnted to thank you for your kindneww.... and concern,...

luv... jan/angelldakota
 
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hisfaithful1 replied to angelldakota's response:
Hi Jan, my name is Deb and I'm fairly new here.Just had to write and let you know your being prayed for. My mom went through severe depression when my step dad died suddenly from a heart attack at 33 years old.

I agree with everyone else here, please get help right away, I know asking for help can be the hardest thing to do especially when you feel how your feeling right now, but it is so important so you can get some much needed relief. They will at least give you something for the pain.

Know your not alone in this, and this to shall pass.I also have experienced something similiar, and I had to rely on my faith to see me through, plus help from a doctor. If you cast all your cares on the Lord He will carry them for you.

Someone who knows and cares.
Deb
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to angelldakota's response:
Thank you for posting today, Jan. ((((softhugs))))

Coming from experience, pretending is NOT a good idea. It backfires badly on us and it's also just so tiring in itself.

You've got enough on your plate without pretending all is fine when it definitely is not.

I'm glad you're reaching out for support here and hope you continue to reach out beyond this online community to get the help and support you need and deserve.

And if you are ever at a point when you are struggling to keep yourself safe, please call a crisis line and let them help you.
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you'll help them to become what they are capable of becoming. ~Goethe
 
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Terry2228 responded:
Please Jan if you feel at your wits end and your thoughts get too dark call 911,crisis line or get some one to take you to the ER. Its hard to tell some one thats in alot of pain and so many things medical going on thant it will be ok. This Doc does not sound if enough time sitting down with you and looking over all thats going on!!!! you need help and we here on this site know what your feeling but are not with you and some one needs to be there now. Please dont feel any shame if you tell some one how you feel because their poeple out here that can help these feelings and you need to have some one sort out all the diff medical problems that can complicate each other. {{{ Hugs}}}} prayers and best wishes I send your way,but I have lost loved ones that had the feelings you do that never asked for help or told some one.These loved ones ate not here and thats a big loss. Promise you will call for help!!!
Terry


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