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i am at a loss....
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saddest posted:
i have been married to my husband for 22 years.. we have had our ups and downs...but we have always maintained our love and respect for one another...having said that....he was diagnosed with fm in december...and ever since then...it has been hell...he has been prescribed lyrica...cymbalta...vicodin....
he has become physically abusive to me...he insists that it is me pushing his buttons...but that is not the case...both myself and our son walk around on eggshells ...trying not to set him off....most times it works...sometimes it does not...i notified his fm dr. before when i thought he was going to crossover...and at that time he was prescribed cymbalta...i don't think it is helping....
i am at a loss...i don't know what to do....i do know that abuse is never right...i do not deserve to beat under any circumstances....no matter what he tells me...
has anyone anything to offer me...?
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MaMaTwig responded:
Dear Saddest,
I am so sorry for what you are going thru! You do not deserve to be beat for any reason!!!!! I to am on cymbalta, I quit taking lyrica, and on pain meds, and I do not act like that, yes I am in pain day after day, but I try not to take it out on my family, because they don't deserve to be treated badly because I am not well.

You should not have to stay in a abusive atmosphere it is not health for you or your son. I realize you love you DH but thi is uncalled for, It is not healthy either for your son to witness this abuse.

I don't think staying in a abusive relationship is going to helpm unless your husband goes for help, you need to speak with his Dr., and he needs to know what he is doing is totally wrong!

My heart goes out to you, you must be beside yourself, but please don't let him hurt you or your son anymore.
He needs help!

GOD BLESS YOU ;)
CHRISTINA :)
 
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CLKWC1964 responded:
First of all I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I have FM and it is hell to live with so I also sympathize with your husband. However under no circumstances does anyone have the right to abuse another. Medications do have a lot of side effects which is why I try to avoid them at all costs. Cymbalta was one I could not take. Your husband may need to find a balance of meds that will help him but not cause harm to you through the side effects. FM can in itself make a person really angry that they have it but you and your children should not be abused because of it. Your husband needs to seek some counseling, a support group, and also discuss this with his doctor. 22 years of marriage is a lot to flush down the toilet. I will be praying for ya'll and hope that something will give for you. Take care and God Bless. Cat :0)
 
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Anjl26 responded:
DO NOT allow him to use FM as an excuse to try to explain his actions. There are a whole lot of people on this board with FM, and we can tell you this is NOT a normal FM issue.

You have to decide when you have had enough. Where to draw that line in the sand. I hope that it's now. You need to talk to him, explain that his actions will not be tolerated.

If you are afraid to talk to him alone, ask a family member or very close friend to come over. They can even be in another room but within shouting distance to come to your aid if needed.

Tell him that he must see his doctor and a therapist of some kind if he wants to try to save your marriage. It's understandable that he feels frustrated with having FM, but in NO circumstances is it okay to be abusive, physically or mentally.

You have to take a stand for yourself and your son. And if you give an ultimatum (like, I will leave if you....) then you must stick to it and do what you say you would do. The next time he hits you, call the police and file charges.

You really must get out of this situation as soon as possible. It's no good for you or your son. If staying with family/friends isn't an option, there are women's shelters in every town.
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you decide to see beyond the imperfections. hugs Sharon
 
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pnaturegirl responded:
I agree with Sharon, Theres never a excuse to accept abuse!

While not feeling good makes us all at times not in the best mood, You never abuse someone else and say it is whatever your condition is!

If he is not willingly to get help and help hiself, You have to think of yourself and children first!

Take Care,
Penny :wink:
Check out my facebook page called, This Crazy Thing Called Pots My new Exchange on WebMd called, Pots and Dysautonomia Exchange and you can always find me here on FM Exchange or through my email!
 
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melissanmike responded:
I am so sorry this is happening to you! This is NOT okay, under ANY circumstances!!!
Having FMS and being on medications is NOT a reason to lash out and physically harm another person....ever.
I have been on Lyrica and while I had some odd-ball side effects, I NEVER felt the need to lash out at my husband and loved ones. I have been on Vicodin and have NEVER lashed out, either. There is NO excuse for abusing another. Ever.
You need to call his Dr. immediately and explain that you're being physically abused and find out if it's even possible that his meds are causing this reaction. (i'm sorry but, i seriously doubt it is possible)
You also need to search your heart and decide you and your son deserve better. You need to decide what you're willing to do and what you're not willing to allow. If you tell your husband you will be leaving him if this continues.....then, you need to follow-up and do it.
You have to remember that this no longer just involves you and your husband. You have a son who is watching and learning from your (both of your) actions. You need to teach your son that it is NEVER okay to be abusive. So, don't make a claim or an ultimatum if you're not willing to follow through.
You need some help. You need to see a counselor about this abuse.
I hope you realize you deserve better. And, unfortunately....once somebody hits once...they tend to hit again. It's never okay. Ever.
I hope you get some help. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm glad you know it's not right and it's undeserving under EVERY circumstance.
Please take care of yourself and your son.
 
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An_199167 responded:
The first thing that you must do is get yourself and your son out of the house immediately. Pack a light bag and go to family, friend, or shelter if need be!!

Just so you know that my advice is creditable, I was raped and beat every weekend, by my drunken Ex, for 2 years. I got out, taking my 2 year old daughter with me.

Next thing is to try and save your marriage, if that is something you would like to do. You should find a "good" counselor that both of you could talk to.

You should not return to the house, no matter what he says. If he doesn't choose to go to counseling with you, then you need to end the marriage.

If he goes to counseling, you should not move back home until you and the counselor feel that he has changed and that his anger is totally in control.

If you return home, he must understand that you will not tolerate any abuse what so ever. At the first sign of abuse, you must leave immediately and permanately. Don't make excuses for his abusive behavior, just get out!

I know that this is a very frightening and sad situation to go through. You must, however, be strong and take a stand for you and your son.

The very first time, that you know he will be out of the house for awhile, you must pack (essentials only) and get out!

Please be strong!
 
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fibroinsd responded:
Just have to add my agreement with the others...Fm...meds..whatever is no excuse. I have FM..I have taken Cymbalta...and nothing like this happened..and for him to blame you...shows he has no real remorse or willingness to change. You need to leave NOW, before something terrible happens to you or your son. When he has been in therapy for a LONG time...and has proven he has changed...then you can TALK...till then...no helping him...he has to help himself.

cece
Let's put the fun back in dysfunctional !- Mary Englebright
 
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chipperdoodle responded:
So sorry you're going through this. I have FM and I have noticed in myself that I get irritated very easily. But I don't beat up on my family. I leave the room until I'm calm enough to explain my actions. Maybe if you talked to him, he'd open up and explain why he's acting this way. That being said if he continues to abuse you, call the police and press charges. I know that's hard to do. About 7 years ago my husband had a drinking problem. We got into a fight and he hit me. I called the police and he went to jail. It was just overnight, but that was the best thing to happen to our marriage. He just needed a wake up call, to realize if he kept his drinking up and hit me ever again that he'd lose me. He has been sober ever since. I know that it's a different circumstance, but you have to do what's right for you and your son. Also, if you do press charges it would be wise to get a restraining order. I did just incase when my husband got out of jail that he wouldn't be able to hurt me. You can always cancel the restraining order if you feel that he won't hurt you. That's what I did. I hope this helps you.

Becky
 
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cattlebarroness09 responded:
Wow, so sorry you are having to deal with the abuse along with dealing with the FM and what it is doing to your family.

I would call his doctor as this is not part of FM and I have never heard of any medication side effects causing abuse either, something else is going on. Maybe he can't deal with the FM without some outside help BUt either way, you and your son should not tolerate this abuse. No matter what your husband is going thru, he has no right to be abusive. Ifr you have family or someone you cand your son can stay with, that would be best for ya'll til something is done about the abuse.

Please don't stay there !

Shar in Tx.
 
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Socialwrkr responded:
Hi Saddest,

I agree with the rest. I do know that one med makes me insanely mean, but I also recognized this in myself and stopped taking the med and told my doctor about it.

So taking Fibro and the meds out of the equation, he is trying to blame you, the victim, for the abuse. And I'm sorry, but he's completely wrong.

Is your son under the age of 18? If so, you have a responsibility to protect him, not only from being abused himself, but from seeing or knowing about your being abused.

Please do consider leaving, asap. It doesn't have to be permanent, but your husband needs a wake up call and help, and you and your son need to be safe.

Call your local united way office to find the nearest domestic violence shelter and agency.

Best wishes, I do so hope you can do what you need to to protect yourself. There is NO excuse for physical or emotional abuse.
Be Gentle on Yourself!!! ~~Aimee http://www.facebook.com/pages/Fibromyalgia-Support-Groups-by-Aimee http://www.lumigrate.com/ Fibromyalgia forum writer, Aimee
 
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Dollbug responded:
Hello and welcome.....MiMi in NC....first I would like to say...that I am so sorry that you are having problems.....but I would also like to add something else....if your husband has never been this way....then there might be more going on with him and his health than anyone realizes....I do know that pain can change a person....but I do not think that a person would change overnight and just become abusive for the heck of it...so I hope you will talk to your husband and encourage him to go back to the doctor and if I were you....I would want to also go with him.....if he agrees to this....

Something is causing him to be physically abusive to you....and the doctor needs to get to the root of this problem....you do not say how old you are or how old he is....but if you have been married 22 years....I can guess...

I would also like to tell you this....that I think some men think that they are never going to get sick...and when it happens to them....it is very hard for them to accept it....but again...it should NOT be an accuse for acting abusive to you...because you are exactly right....YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS....

I do hope you will learn all you can about the wrath of the dragon, aka FM.....and there is a lot of good info under Tips and Resources to the right of this page....be sure and see member toolbox and nutrition and vitamins....there are all sorts of things that he can do to help himself cope better...

And I would also encourage you to ask your husband to get the doctor to check his Vitamin D level....as this can be a source of extra pain for a lot of us FMers....it is a simple blood test....but you MUST ASK the doctor to run it...as it is not a common thing that the doctors include in the bloodwork...

Prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.....I hope that you both will be able to work this out.....as 22 years is a long time.....

Take care and good luck...


MiMi
IN GOD WE TRUST....MAY GOD BLESS AND GUIDE AMERICA.... My personal exchanges are Vitamin D and Pain and Wrath of the Dragon....if you care to visit..
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear Saddest,

Everyone else has already said everything so well that I'm just going to reiterate what they said, that this is no way to live and that you need to take steps to keep yourself and your son safe.

I encourage you to contact a Domestic Abuse crisis line and just talk and find out what steps you need to take.

His doctor also needs to know what's going on. And, as you already know, there's nothing you could be doing that could be the cause of this. But considering how suddenly this began, SOMEthing serious is going on, whether it's the meds or another underlying medical condition and I hope that he gets the help he needs too.
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you'll help them to become what they are capable of becoming. ~Goethe
 
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TCL38 responded:
Saddest,

First major hugs! Been there......

Second I just skimmed the replies but I didn't see anyone suggest that it could be his meds that are causing this sudden violence.

I have been through nearly 30 prescriptions in my first year with FM. The reason for so many? Lots of off-lable negative reactions including mania and violence. A couple of them I had the OPPOSITE reaction as what people who take it and do perfectly well on it have. For them it knocks them out, for me I took it three days and was wildly manic but then it took me four days to "come down" from the med. You need to talk with the doctor right away again.

If these drugs coincide with the start of the abuse, then he's having an off-label reaction to them.

Cymbalta is not a cure-all. If it's not helping the doc needs to give him something else. Cybalta is not sedating. If he's about to pass and is struggling he might be better off with a sedating med.

My ex husband was a violent bipolar person when he was off his meds. He never laid hands on me but we went toe to toe many a time so I know how much meds can change a person. On them he's an angel.

From your story my guess is it's the meds.

Hugs again,

Tanya
 
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Terry2228 responded:
I am sorry this is going on for your whole family!!!! When some people get sick,in pain and cant do what they could without a thought it makes them angery at every one and thing. They take it out on the people they love most because they dont think they will go away:( Did he every do this before he go sick? If not it could be reatctions to the meds as they have built up in him and then Doctor will need to work with both of you to see when it started so you can see what meds,when introducted other meds with them. It might be he has another sickness besides the fm like bipolar that can happen with out knowing its been there but just showing up more with the fm pain. First two people you need to protect is you and your son. Its hard to think of that after all these years of marrage,but bad things can happen to Good people. No abuse is ok so please get family if you have them help with this. The three of you all need the help before some one gets hurt ok!!!! I will pray for the whole family.
Terry


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