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What is wrong with this picture? Suicide, Depression, Anxiety, Fibro...HELP
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painfuldee posted:
[TRIGGER] Okay!!! I posted a while back on Why Zoloft for Fibro? Since then things have pretty much went to crap! I called my idiot Specialist and begged to see him and he said Nope just follow up with your regular doctor. Well okay then. So I have just been seeing my regular doctor, which has helped me more than the specialist. Anyway that being said. WHY can't I find a drug to take that I am not allergic to or have horrible side effects too? This is killing me. After the Zoloft Miagraine from hell I called my regular doctor and she called me in to the office. I went and she prescibed me Flexirel and Naproxen. Of course I was allergic to the Flexirel. Throat swollen shut, face numb, tongue swollen. I threw it away and it was only a 5mg pill that I broke in half! Okay the Naproxen was okay but it lasted only 2 hours, but it was mild relief which felt pretty good since I haven't had relief for over a year now. I laid in bed for a week last week because I thought I would be a hero and paint my bathroom. I will never be guilty of that again. Its a small bathroom but it took me 9 hours to paint. Then I was laid up for a week and 3 days. Which is when I called my specialist again and told him I needed some type of relief before I blow my brains out...Also told him I was depressed, having anxiety attacks very bad, and very suicidial. He says oh hmmm well your appointment is scheduled for Nov. 14th. We will see you then, follow up with your regular doctor. I was so mad and all it did was make me cry for the rest of the day. I said screw it and I called my regular doctor, which by the way is actually a nurse practioner training to be a doctor. She said come immediately to my office. Went, and she was so mad at my specialist that she called him and asked him what the problem was and that I was in very bad shape and needed medical attention. He said there is a hospital up the road from her. Needless to say he is a major butt. So my regular doctor prescribed Lyrica and physical therapy and ordered a new specialist. God if I can't take lyrica then I don't know what else to do. So far I have taken Gabapinten, Tramidol, Savella, Zoloft, Prozac, Flexirel, Naproxen, Effexor, ummm, a few more that slip my mind and have had severe allergies or depression, anxiety worse with them. I haven't taken Lyrica or Cymbalta before. MAYBE if God willing I can take one or the other to relieve this devil of a illness. Also I had to get a endoscopy and colonoscopy done two months ago because of stomach issues and had to take 3000mg of antibiotics for H. Pylori bacteria problems. Stomach still hurts me though. So I am guessing it is because of Fibro or RA. Who knows at this point what is wrong with me because I only have one doctor that doesnt specialize in Fibro or RA caring for me. But she is awesome!!! The Gasterologist told me I have symptoms of RA and Fibro. He told me that my acid levels were pretty high and wanted to know if I had x-rays done. Of course I have I said. He said well what did your specialist say. I said not much he just said you have Fibro. Take this. See you in 6 months. I don't want nothing to be wrong with me but not having all the answers annoys me. My regular doctor seems to think I have RA as well as Fibro because of my bone structure in my fingers and knees and toes. But dippy doodah specialist doesn't care or just doesn't give a rip either way. Anyway, my pain level is a 10 and has been a 10 for a year now. Well maybe 5 days out of the week, the other two days is a 7 on the pain scale. No breaks in relief can work on a persons nerves and mental status. I am at my breaking point. Either something gives or I will. No one should have to deal with this much pain everyday of their life with out some type of relief. Nothing has helped me. Cause I am freaking allergic to everything apparently. Life literally sucks! Physical therapy starts friday. Something else to make me feel worse.
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Dollbug responded:
[TRIGGER] Hello and welcome.....MiMi in NC....I hope that you will find someone to help you soon....

I would like to ask you to please break up your posts..since some of us have problems with our eyes and can not read very long posts....and I personally think that everyone's post is important....

Now....I would like to ask you it any of the doctors that you are seeing....has checked your Vitamin D level....if not, then I encourage you to be sure and ask the next doctor you see to be sure and check it.....low Vitamin D can cause pain within itself....and is so very important to a lot of us....

OK...next thing....it is NOT good to stay in bed....the longer you stay....the worse you will feel...get up and move, move and move....it does not matter if you are slow in moving....but do not allow yourself to stay in bed for an extended period of time....as this can make you really stiff and in more pain...

I would also encourage you to review the info under Tips and Resources....to the right of this page....be sure and see member toolbox and nutrition and vitamins....you will find some good tools and tips to try....that might help you cope better...

As you probably already know...we are all different and what helps one may or may not help another....so it takes a trial and error process with anything you try....until you find something that helps you cope better....and this takes time...
you must allow at least 6-8 weeks before deciding if whatever you are doing or taking is helping you....

There are no overnight fixes....sorry...but it does take time...

Now...I will also tell you this much....that I am sure that there is something that will help you....you just have to hang in there and find it....I have tried different medicines also and did not find anything to really help me without causing side effects and I did not need yet another thing to deal with...

But...I have learned how to "control my FM pain" by taking vitamins and supplements....I take a magnesium and malate supplement (vitamin store) Omegas, (I take Fish Oil, Salmon Oil and Krill Oil)....super B complex, Vitamin D (your doctor must check your level first and will tell you how much to take) and Calcium....plus others....but these are the ones which help me cope better with the wrath of the dragon, aka FM....

The more you learn about this dreadful illness...the better you will figure out what to do to help you cope....you must learn to pace, pace and pace....anything and everything you do....

This too is a process...FM is a vicious cycle....for a lot of us....but we FMers must keep on keeping on.....until we find something that helps us....

Take care and good luck....


MiMi
IN GOD WE TRUST....MAY GOD BLESS AND GUIDE AMERICA.... My personal exchanges are Vitamin D and Pain and Wrath of the Dragon....if you care to visit..
 
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painfuldee replied to Dollbug's response:
[TRIGGER] MiMi I have been reading and reading and reading everything about FM, RA, Chronic Pain, Fatique and after awhile it all runs together. I have read everything on this website as well. Been to tips and tools and all that.

I am not looking for a cure I am mearly looking for a relief. And a specialist that cares. Getting up and moving around is well unbearable. Feels like my ankles, toes, knees and pelvic area is breaking to peices with every step. I guess I should say everyone has different ways to deal with their pain and thats understandable, but trust me when I say this....There isn't much I haven't tried in the 2 years I have had this problem.

I am not saying that I am worse then others or need special attention...I am just crazy mad and upset that so far to this day i have not found one single thing to release any type of pain or pressure except laying flat on my back for hours at a time. Because most of my problems are lower on my body. Getting off my feet is the only way I get relief. Moving around isn't. Exercise isn't. Walking isn't. I can walk to my mailbox which by the way is 600 feet away and before I get back I hurt so bad in my feet, legs, back and hands that I end up coming straight in and laying down.

I am not seriously over weight. I am 185 pounds and I am 5'5". I have always been athletic and outgoing. I played womens softball for years and girls softball as well for a total of 20 years all together. Went hiking, road bicycles. Fished, hunted. I loved living. Now I just want out. And I am to a point where that is all I do and think until I see my son or until he kisses me or hugs me. I feel worse for him because he doesnt get to leave the house because I dont leave the house.

Bottom line is I "had" a specialist that humiliates me when I make a desperate call to him for a shot of something, and he turns me away. I have a regular doctor that doesnt specialize in FM, Chronic pain, RA or much of nothing except family practice. But she tries real hard to make me comfortable. She prescribes me on ideals I have or have read about. If that tells you anything. I have crappy insurance and have to go where they tell me to go, and before I can go to another doctor I have to get "permission" which sometimes takes months.

I am basically miserable! But the only thing I am looking forward to now is getting disability. My doctor did write a note to my attorney stating I am unable to work in these conditions and I will never be able to work again. I can't deny it put a smile on my face because if I do get it I will spend the back pay on going to a good doctor and forget about my insurance. Also what is left I will save for when I do feel a little better or have a good day so I can carry my son on a train ride and to the zoo. And donate to a Fibro clinic that helps me out the most!

I have worked day for day all my life since I was old enough to work. I only missed one year of working because of health problems back when I was 18. I deserve what I have paid in. I have no income as of right now. NONE! It bugs me because my son cant have more. I am sure things will get better when I find the right meds and stuff.

As of getting my vitamin D checked and my thyroid and all that it has all been checked and its all fine.

I just got to get my bearings and try to find someone I can vent too. I guess like a pschyiatrist or something before I loose my way.
 
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pocotaz replied to painfuldee's response:
[TRIGGER] Painfuldee,

I understand what you say...many of us here do too...so you feel free to come here and scream it out if needed...

You can call your insurance company and tell them you need a new specialist...Most insurance companies have a number to call and they ask why...you tell them and then they refer you to someone new...

This is exactly what i did when i had issues with a doctor. And i just did it again when i went to two Foot specialist....they were of no help and i was very upset...so i made my own arrangements and then called my referral dept and told them why i wanted to see this new doctor...they ok'd it...

It's worth a try...instead of going back to the one who shows no compassion...i really dislike docs. like the one you talk about...so careless and nochalant...

I am sorry you are hurting this bad and nothing is helping....I too have alergies to many many meds...and for pain i can only take Motrin 600 mg. prescription !!!

Yeah...it barely touches mine but this is all i have.... so i know how you feel... Cymbalta almost put me down...found out i have seretonin sydrome and can't take any SSRI meds or it could be fatal for me....

I have a thyroid desease that interferes with most meds...so i too am limited....

I work 40 hours a week doing janitorial work with Disabled adults where i live... it is very stressful and tough on the body...

But what i see everyday ...with them is that they have so many medical issues and lots of pain too but they keep going...they inspire me every day to push myself..i say of they can do it then i can too. Now you hae our son to keep you going and he needs you...so please keep him in mind...do not leave him...he needs you so very much and if you were to do anything to hurt yourself...this would change him forvever...love him enough to stay here so he can keep lovong you sweet one.

I have been there emotionally as well and it is a place i don't care to be ...you need to get mad and fight to see another doctor... it can be done..

I hurt so bad and have trouble walking...they just casted my ankles and feet because i now need braces to walk... and i am hoping it will be less painful...but i have had seven surgeries...two of which have been done on my lower spine and the pain at times can be so unbarable...

But i keep moving because i know if i don't then this wins .... i am stronger tha this FM and fight it eveyday and when i feel down...i come here to let it out...you can do that too...let us help you stay strong because you are stronger than you think..

I have cried too but after all we are human..but then i get up and do it again... i love life...so i push through this pain i have and get up and out... i know you hurt bad and i do to...but honey...staying in bed makes it worse...your miscles will stiffen even more...they have done it with me...

I hate walking..i end up with severe pain from my feet all they way up my legs to my spine andthen my neck..sometimes it affect my arms to because the nerves are being squished and i get numb fingers...but i push because i know it is best for me to stay moving..

I know you have tried heat and excersie ect...and havebeen trying for two years to get through this... keep ighting and don't give up looking for a new docotor...one who knows aboutFM... and come here to vent ...cry ...scream... for sanity sake.. ask questions and someone may have the answer or at least give you an idea of where to look.

Depression can get it's grip on you...fight it... you can do this...i dd and i want you to live...your son needs you to live... you are strong... and yes i think maybe seeing a counselor like you manetoned is helpful...I wish you well.

Please come here and let us know how you're doing.. i care...others here care and are always willing to help...

Giving you a hug... and please don't give up on you...

Linda
 
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melissanmike responded:
[TRIGGER] Painful,
I wish I had a magic wand to make all of your troubles go away. I am so sorry you're having such a terrible time finding medication that you are not allergic to or that works for you. I hope you have told your Nurse Practitioner of your thoughts to find relief in such a final way.

I beg you, Painful to please think of your son. To think of what that would do to him....for the rest of his life. He brings you joy....and he loves you completely. Don't do something like that to him.

You need to tell your Nurse Practitioner of these thoughts you are having. You need to speak to somebody immediately. You can call a hotline and they can help you find somebody to talk to. 1-800-273-8255 is one number you could call. They have counselors 24hrs a day 7 days a week. And, they more than likely can find you help in your state. For free. Your life is worth that phone call. Your son is worth that phone call.

FMS is the most annoying, painful and life changing thing I have ever had to experience. I recommend counseling. I still go to counseling when things get overwhelming. When I've lost my way on my own journey. It helps to have somebody to listen....to have somebody to bounce your thoughts off of....somebody to look you in the eyes and tell you to fight...that you matter. You do matter, Painful. So does your son. Get some help. Tell somebody who can help you. I know there are free counselors out there that can help until you get your insurance in line.

The important thing and what makes me breathe a little easier after reading your post is this: you know how much your little boy needs you. You find joy in his hugs and in his presence. So, take that thought and keep it tight within you. Let that knowledge bring you strength ....to help you find the strength to pick up the phone and call 1-800-273-8255.

I am sure that eventually you will find some relief. It's obviously not going to be easy but, you sound like a strong woman who has been through so much. So, keep hanging on. It sometimes takes a long time to find those things ...those tools....that will help relieve the pain and the other horrible symptoms FMS can bring.

Pick up the phone, Painful....dial the numbers .... 1-800-273-8255 and let the crisis counselors help you.

And please, let us know how you're doing. We care, Painful. We care about you. And we care about your sweet little boy who loves you so much. And we want to cheer you on as you continue to look for things that might help you find relief from your symptoms.

I'll be praying for you and your son, Painful.
Melissa
 
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Annie_WebMD_Staff responded:
[TRIGGER] Dear painfuldee,

I'm sorry you are going through such a bad time with a fibro flare. Pain certainly sucks and as a fellow fibro person I can sympathize with you when your pain symptoms won't ease up.

Since you've been on various medications please look them up by clicking on the Find A Drug link at the top of the board so you can discuss them with your doctor and pharmacist.

Is water therapy like sitting in a warm swimming pool hot tub or a bathtub whirlpool an option for you? That may be something to ask about in physical therapy.

Please take things one day at a time and if you feel that you are going to hurt yourself please seek medical help by seeing your doctor or contacting a crisis hot line. Is there a trusted person that you can talk to about how you are feeling? WebMD has a Crisis Assistance link in the left hand side navigation bar for more help.

((Gentle hugs)) and ((gentle hugs) to everyone here!

- Annie
 
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Annie_WebMD_Staff replied to Annie_WebMD_Staff's response:
[TRIGGER] Just an FYI, I've added a trigger warning to all the posts on this thread including my own as some community members may need to bypass by posts involving self harm topics. Thanks!

- Annie
 
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Foggyme responded:
Dear Painful Dee
We all understand and we are all here for you. I just wanted to let you know that I'm a Christian like many of these men and woman out here. I will be praying for you. Each and every day. Our church has what is called a prayer chain, and we all pray for the people on it and I will add your name to it today. Hang in there Honey. It does take time. Let me remind you again these people out here truly do care and offer a lot of great advice. With love,prayers and hope for you.Diane
 
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mischelle360 responded:
Hon I feel your pain... I may not suffer to the extent you do but I hurt for you.

I have traveled a rough road these last two years also although in a different way. My pain level this last year was pretty much a constant 7 on a scale of 1 to 10. Yours sounds like it stays at a 10 and I truly feel for you.

It really sounds like you have your nurse practitioner on your side and that is a good start! aren't nurse practitioner's Great! We have one that works in our Dr's office as well and there are times I have to see him instead of my reg Dr and I Just Adore him! He seems more... interested? maybe that's the word I am looking for.

Hang in there! And Please take the advice I have seen given here, these people are Really Awesome!

I too hurt so bad at times that exercise was Not an option for me! Just simply walking through the grocery store took it's toll on me and my feet, legs and back would Kill me. My feet would be so sore it was hard to walk, muchless exercise. But I refused to let it keep me in bed, instead I sit at my computer alot with my feet propped up and do the work that I need done on here.

Sitting here too long hurts too, so I do get up and walk around and stretch my legs alot. Now don't get me wrong, I do my fair share of laying down too when I feel the need to do so, and I have learned (from here) that it is OK for me to do this and Not feel guilty!

I truly wish you the best! Just keep looking into your son's eyes and see his unconditional love he has for you. Let him sub-stain you through this tough time.

Mommy may not be able to do a lot with him right now, but at least he does have a Mommy that adores him and that is the most important thing. God willing, in time you will be able to enjoy more and more time doing the things you want to do with him.

Take Care! And please do keep us posted.
Sonya
 
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CLKWC1964 responded:
I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. This devil of a disorder is really miserable. Rest assured you are in good company here. I can relate to your story not to that degree but I have also tried numerous medications including Lyrica and have had side effects from nausea, dizziness to suicidal thoughts. It is so frustrating trying to find the right medications to treat the pain and other symptoms and then to have a jerk of a doctor that really is hard. I would not go back to him he does not deserve the business. I hope that you can find a good doctor to treat you holistically and find the right medications that will provide you with relief. Keep coming back here and posting. There are a lot of good people here who really can relate and give you support and encouragement. Hang in there and keep trying to find the right combination of things to get that relief. Go to tips and keep reading other posts it is really helpful. Good luck and God Bless. I will keep you in my prayers. Cat :0)
 
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painfuldee replied to CLKWC1964's response:
First off let me say thank everyone for all your kind words and pushing me to stay on top and prayers. I am sorry if I have scared anyone in any way. I was on the verge of loosing my mind, I really was. I took several of your thoughts and put them to use. First off, after my last post here I went to my couch and my son was asleep and thought about everything going on with myself, my son, my sanity. I realized that I have a whole lot to be thankful for and that I can be stronger than FM, RA, Chronic pain, and fatigue. I jumped up grabbed the phone and started calling doctors and specialist and even psychologist. My nurse practioner has found me another specialist who is more than willing to help me manage my issues and pain. I then went to my physical therapy for the first time.!!!! TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!

That man did things and showed me pain management in ways that I have never thought of. He also told me that every blood vessel in my body was running nothing but stress and anxiety and I needed to see a psychologist to help with the depression and anxiety. So he set me up with a great one. The Physical Therapist wrapped my whole body in these moisture heating pads and put these sticky things all over my major muscles and down my back done and it gives you like shock treatment. That was the most pleasure I have felt in two years. He then pushed on pressure points in my back and neck and hip area and almost instantly the pain eased off. I have to see him twice a week now. Mondays and Thursdays. I LOVED IT and I felt so good when I left there. Of course he said the pain would slowly come back, but I would have relief for a few hours and I did.

I took Lyrica for the first time last night. I had no side effects except I was dizzy when I woke up which then turned into feeling off balance. But today my pain is at a constant 5 maybe 6. Nothing like it was thats for sure. I can live with that if I can keep taking Lyrica, the Therapist and the psycholigist then I just might be able to deal with myself again.

Today I actually went out of my house and went out to eat with my husband and my son for lunch. First time in maybe 8 months. Then we went to Wal-Mart and walked around. I had so much energy today. It felt good for a change to be able to function without having to depend on someone else to help me around. I just hope I continue to feel this good.

I am trying not to over do it because I don't want to go to far and end up in bed again for days. I don't know what did it the Pysical Therapist or the Lyrica but I feel pretty darn good today. Maybe it was both. Regardless Monday I have to call the Psychologist and get set up with him and call the new Rheumatologist and get set up with him as well.

The only pain I am dealing with now is my arms. Why I have no idea. But they have been really hurting today but that is mild compaired to what I was feeling.

I am pushing harder than I ever have before to feel better because all of you have pushed me and so has my son. I thank you all truely from the bottom of my heart.

I do have a question before I go. Does anyone here suffer from heel spurs? I have several on both heels and I am thinking about having them removed. BUT the Dr I saw before said he would do both at once and I would be in a wheel chair for several months recovering. Any thoughts on this or has anyone had this surgery before?

Once again thank you for your help in finding myself again. :)
 
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melissanmike replied to painfuldee's response:
Painfuldee,

I am so happy to hear you're feeling better! I am also THRILLED with all of the steps you've taken to move forward, and to claim your life back!

GOOD FOR YOU!

Oh, I am so happy for you!!!

Thank you for the update, Painfuldee. And, please come back and tell us how you're doing!

Melissa
 
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Anjl26 responded:
Fire the specialist, whomever it is, and get yourself a new one. Preferably one that will actually listen to you, be understanding and helpful instead of being a butt.

With RA in the picture, you should be seeing a Rheumy. And for the depression, you really need to be seeing a Psychiatrist or similar. Ask your pirmary care doc to make the referals and get you in.

Worst case, if you are feeling so badly you are thinking of hurting yourself, go to the local ER. They can bring in the proper persons to treat you
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you decide to see beyond the imperfections. hugs Sharon
 
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mischelle360 replied to painfuldee's response:
Sweetie, I haven't read past this post yet, it is almost 6:30 am here and I have yet been to sleep. But I wanted to reply about the heel spurs. I have never had them but hubby did once.

I read somewhere online about home remedies and one of the ones that I remember so well was about bone spurs. It said to soak a paper bag in vinegar, place it in your shoe, and wear it all day long.. I don't remember for how many days. But the bag needs to stay soaked in the vinegar for it to work.

Ok, why I found this interesting is, a few years before, my son had a project in school and it consisted of putting a chicken leg bone in a jar of vinegar and letting it sit for so long. After wards, the bone was rubbery.

So it just makes since that this might actually work on bone spurs. Now I am no Dr and can't advise you on what to do. Personally though, I would do it in a second if I thought it would relieve my pain from bone spurs. But that's me ;)

I am glad you have found the help you needed. And I pray they find the right mix of meds for you. Hang tough! We are all proud of you for taking the steps you have taken.
Sonya
 
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Foggyme replied to painfuldee's response:
Dear Dee,
I am so happy for you. You are on the right track, and stay with it hon. Please try to remember that we do all care for you, even on your better days.LOL Just keep trying and searching, remember that Satan loves it when people give up. Stay as strong as your able dear and ask God to give you the rest of the strength, I felt like you did a few weeks ago. (mentally)
These wonderful people out here helped me to. Take Care. You are in my prayers. God Bless you and All the rest of my fibro family......Diane AKA Foggyme


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