Fibromyalgia Community

Guilt anyone? Paranoia anyone? Anger anyone? Self doubt anyone? Oh yes, I feel them all. Especially right now when my brain is not exactly condusive to every day life & responsibilities. I constantly wonder if what I'm feeling is real & if I am overdoing the resting & not working hard enough. If my spouse is feeling so much pressure from picking up my slack that one day he will slack, if that comment just made was a direct attack or a carelessly worded remark, if I am ruining my children's childhood by "checking out" during the times I feel more pain/fatigue or because I go to bed @ 6:00 every night & because I can't volunteer at the school like I used to (truthfully I don't miss PTO at all but I do miss working in the classrooms.)

I don't cry a lot & I don't think I'm overly sensitive. Mostly because if I've taken offense to something or if I feel I have offended/neglected anyone I tend to direct the situation immediately.

I probably have not put a lot of thought into how fibro affects my family other than to feel guilty for the neglect/added responsibilities. I do try to educate them as much as possible, printing articles from the internet & marking passages in my books that I think would be helpful to them. Sometimes they read them & sometimes they don't but I think the more they know the closer they can come to understanding. The "letter to normals" is a helpful tool too.

Dear Caprice,
I don't feel I overeact, and when I am wrong I will admit it and apologize. I feel that I am a little more sensitive than I was before, I do cry more than I did before, but I think it is because my meds werent' helping . I have been trying different meds for depression, I just swtiched again, I know the Cymbalta wasn't doin anything for me, because mine is more anxiety, so I am taking a different med, and my Dr. also gave me Xanax for when it gets real bad and I need something right away.

Mine right now is that my DH is under alot of pressure at work, and he doesn't see how it is affecting him ( I tell him don't bring your work home with you) but of course he disagrees and says that he doesn't.....LOL, most of the men don't ever think they do anything wrong.

Anyway, when I don't feel well, I really try not to let it affect my mood, because I know it is not my family's fault that I have this, and they can usually tell when I am in alot of pain ( it is always written across my face), and they try to help me as much as they can. Alot of times, I will just go and lie down in the bedroom (watch some TV), and stay out of the way, so that my mood doesn't affect them and make them sad.

hi caprice

yes i have on occasion over reacted, am over sensitive and somedays even cry for no reason at all.

and it seems like i apologize all the time, even for things i dont need to.

both stress and pain affect my mood and i can get snippy (so my dw tells me ) i know it too i just cant hold it in all the time.

i take ciprelex for depression and somedays when im feeling down take extra ( finances permiting )

and mama twig. . . i may not always be right. . but im never wrong. . lol . .

john

Good One John.........My DH would probably say the same thing...LOL.......God Bless

Caprice, I for one can say with 100 % percent certainty that I was not over reacting or was being too sensitive all those times over the years when talking about how ill I felt when having a Fibro 'event'/ flare up with others who do not have the illness and seeing the reaction by them to my being sick. It has always been like " Oh really? Really?" and it has been hurtful each time. Like I spend my time lying about feeling ill? It has been like " why am I wasting my time telling them?"
Truthfully I don't know many people who understand Fibro or it's symptoms other than FM doctors or those who have Fibro. I know people who have Lupus, for example, and when they talk about their symptoms or the effects of Lupus to others, I can see the 'sympathy' on the faces of those listening. That does not happen when Fibromyalgia is talked about. That's the truth. People with Lupus do look ill, they act ill and we feel their pain. We want to help so badly.Those of us with Fibro don't look ill, many times we don't even act ill.. but we are! When we have bad days we can still do some things, with pain, but we do get things done.. when we say to someone " Gee I feel so bad today." they just look at us and think " Oh yeah sure."
So, for me, I just get on with it. It matters to me that I 'get along' so I just shut up and move on. I don't want to interfere with someone else's day but it does hurt to know that to do so I have to 'be silent' and keep my pain and discomfort to myself. It took years before my husband even 'got on the same page with me' and began to believe. And yeah, that was hurtful too!
But now I'm not alone. I have this site now where others know what kind of pain I am feeling. It is such a good feeling to have a place where I can say "Hey I hurt so bad today" and everyone 'gets it' and there are no strange disbelieving looks back at me.
Glad I got to share these feelings.
Linda R.

Yes, I think there are times that I overreact or can be more sensitive. I really try to think things thru before saying something to someone though. I had decided unless something seems to happen more than once or twice that I won't say anything, but once it seems to be mentioned a lot or happens often then I will deal with it directly to my loved ones. Some have taken this very well, and so have not. But, being in pain on a consistent basis, I think it really is necessary to evaluate before reacting or approaching a situation. It's not always appreciated by friends or family, but it's how I cope right now. I wish everyone understood that. But, then I have members in my family who also have Fibro and I'm sure they are more sensitive as well.

I do cry much easier than before and I know it's because of the pain and stress I've been under lately. I've always been more senstive though - this just makes it worse.

I think my Fibro has impacted some of my relationships, but most of my family and friends seem to understand.

Great questions!!!

forgot to mention i had not cried since i was a kid until fm took over. . now its atleast several times a week

john

I was very moody, i would scream, cry, go in my room and slam the door and no am 55 not a teenager, it was bad for the family and me.

I finally figured out I needed help and to the head dr, he got me on some antidepression meds and I am coping much better.
When my grown girls 'attack' me, saying I'm not the mom that raised them or how lazy I am, I just don't reply and read or watch tv.

Their dad, my dh has cancer and is very fatigued also but with no pain, he understands more about me now that he has cancer and knows what fatigue really feels like, anyway I get the girls want me to do more and of course I would love to take care of everyone, the house, the pets but hey I can't.

I also felt better about myself when I started reading on this site, it's like wow thats how I feel and I'm not weird after all, it has helped to own my fibro and relize this is going to be with me forever, so as hard as it is I hope I can keep my mental strength up and not go bonkers again, I think dealing with the pain is easier-depends on the day I guess.

I also, have most definitely experienced this myriad of confusing thoughts and feelings. For me however, this occurred and was the worst when I was not receiving any medical care at all due to lack of insurance. I have been taking effexor which helps alot, and then recently added welbutrin to the mix. The reason is that the effexor works on the seretonin and neurepinephrine cycles, while the welbutrin does so for the dopamine. Since these are the three main neurotransmitters it has been extremely beneficial for me to combine both of these drugs. Also, I have a cpap machine for sleep apnea, (which most of us also have, so if you havent gotten a sleep study done you need to do it asap)so my therefore my energy level is the best its been since i can remember. Obviously also, the antidepressants are extremely effective for all the thoughts and feelings we all have been dealing with at one point or another. Lastly, l would like to share a theory that was discussed in a video presentation from a Stanford research team. Basically the idea was that the they found that the overall central sensitization of our central nervous system, is somehow a malfunction of an area of the brain called the limbic system, which also controls our emotions. I couldnt find the link to share the video with you but it was over an hour and fifteen minutes long and very informative. You should be able to find it on the Stanford research web site.

Thank you so much for your informative sharing. People like you are a lifeline to me!

I find myself apologizing a lot, to the point that now when I start the "I'm..." my husband cuts me off with a look. He's sick of me apologizing for something that I honestly haven't any control over. Thankfully, this has become a joke for us and I just apologize for apologizing and we both laugh...though in truth the laugh feels awkward, but it is helping us.

I cry a lot, far more than I want to. I've been labeled as "over sensitive" and "dramatic" which really doesn't help.

The only time I feel I over react or am truly over sensitive is during PMS and my period. PMS has taken on a life of its own in the last few years (I'm 36 with no signs of heading into menopause yet)...my doc agrees that it's more severe than "normal" PMS, but I don't want to take anything for it. The pain and skin sensitivity during those 2 weeks of every month are torturous.

At the same time it's given me a good platform to teach my 14yr old daughter that we don't get to use PMS as an excuse for lashing out or hurting other people's feelings.

I've always been easy to tears, but now it's incontrollable. I don't feel that's over sensitivity, though. It feels more like my defensive walls aren't as strong as they used to be so my emotions take a more natural and less socially guided course. If that makes any sense.

Apologies for rambling, it's a foggy day migraine

Caprice,


I do feel like sometimes my moods swing around and I am over sensitive. For me personally I believe some of this is hormonal. Of course when I have the combination of the hormonal swings and a bad pain day I find things can be really bad. I rarely cry though unfortunately it is how I have always been- definitely not a good thing. My husband is also over sensitive so this can sometimes be a problem for us in our relationship. I have also thought about how my condition affects my family and it makes me feel really bad.

I think it was selfish of me and my husband to have a child because dealing with a 6 yr old at this age and with fibromyalgia is doubly hard. I find the things I did with and for my older girls to be extremely difficult with this one. It isn't fair to her. I think she has a pretty good life but the other two really got to do a lot of great things because health wasn't an issue when they were her age and even older. It became an issue when they were teenagers and thus pretty self sufficient and also not so interested in doing things with Mom anymore. Cat :0)

I'm in a year long relationship with my BF and have also figured out that I have FM in that same time (tho un-officially dx'd). He doesn't really get it, and I've tried to help him understand that it's likely not going to be better than this - my physical well being.

Frankly I'm very frustrated and even afraid of trying to make a relationship work when there is such a big road block in my mind... I spent 10 years living alone after my spouse died, and now to imagine sharing a home and all the responsibilities with somebody who expects me to be a "regular gal" just seems impossible. So, with all the typical challenges of FM, I am wondering what to do.

Good question Caprise,

When I first started noticing FM symptoms about 4 years ago, I was very emotional and confused and I did find myself having lots of mood swings and the only people who understood were my best friend and my husband even though they didn't know what was wrong they were supportive.

When I was finally diagnosed they were evev more supportive since they both suffer from chronc pain themselves, extremely bad backs. My parents didn't really understand at first but they have come to be very understanding even though they miss me being around as much. People at work have not been mean or anything, they just don't really understand because I'm there working and look normal except I do comments about looking tired. I have talked about it to a few close coworkers but mostly I just don't, it's easier that way.

I have had my moments of crying,mood swings and depression, but I have finally accepted this is me and I make lifestyle modifications to deal with it. This along with finding the right doctor and the right meds has me at a staus quo.

I can't change how other people think, only how I think.

Lisa