comments that make you feel worse
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1wareaglefan posted:
Good morning, All. I was just wondering if any of you have gotten comments like the one I just got. I was telling a friend about my current bout with shingles, and her comment was: "you've just got to quit getting sick now!" My reply was the only come-back I could think of at the time: "well, I really enjoy being sick, that's why I've got this!"

I know people mean well and just don't realize. But when I hear something like that it makes me feel like, OK, I just need to keep my mouth shut about my health. Still, when they ask, I feel like I want to tell them.

Anyway, I just had to get that out! See, I can't keep anything to myself!
Anybody ever have something like that happen to them?

Take care, All.....Elizabeth
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squarley responded:
O yes I get that a lot ,. I know people might get tired of hearing how we feel ,but we want so bad for people to understand ,we our in pain almost every day ,if only they could walk in our shoes. Even my husband keeps saying (when our you going to get better) Don't you love it. Well its not going to get better this is it and in my 10 years it has got worse .I am 62 going on 90. So I think they will never under stand. So you take care to...Squarley
 
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diannarebecca responded:
Elizabeth, I think at one time or another we have all had to deal with these sometimes well meaning & sometimes cruel people who I think just don't know what else to say to us.

I was thinking just this morning about when I was 7/8 & I thought my aunt, the only single mother I knew, was irresponsible for working so many jobs that she hardly had time to spend with her kids. Of course, as an adult I know better now but as a child not knowing what I didn't know I thought she was not a good mom. The opposite is true, there was always food in the house, her kids always had nice clothes, her house was always clean and in a good neighborhood but none of these things were obvious to me at that age. The only thing I had to compare my aunt to was my mother & my grandparents who, although they worked hard, did not have to work two jobs and devoted as much time to me as possible.
Just because we grow older and wiser does not mean that we know what we don't know & everybody who does not have fibro has only their own health & knowledge to compare to. My own mother often says to me "You're always sick" when she asks me how I'm doing & I tell her honestly.
There are a number of smart alleck comments that come to mind, that's just my nature, but perhaps a more productive response would be "Unfortunately that is what it feels like to have fibromyalgia, I hope that you never have to go through a similar experience because it is very taxing & disheartening. It helps to have understanding and nonjudgemental friends though."
Perhaps even that response has a bit too much bite back to it but you see where I am coming from. You are not the only one who has this experience. Hope you feel better!
 
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sandyakk responded:
Elizabeth, I know exactly how you feel. My mother is one of these people that calls me every day, or night, almost like checking in. She will ask me how I am, but doesn't really want to know, because when I tell her how icky I'm really feeling, I get the same response..."How come you are always sick?" Like you, I would like to say, "well mom it's cuz I really enjoy not feeling well and to hear your rude comments!" But I have learned the response is "ok" then everything in her world can go on as normal.

It's very, very hard to hear these comments, especially from the people that are supposed to be our loved ones. I guess she comes from a generation where you are supposed to just suck it up and deal with it!!

I think if those people knew just how much we really do suck it up and deal with it, they would be amazed!!!

Stay strong, and talk to you FMily here. I have found out in the last couple of weeks, they are all the most wonderful, understanding people in the world!

Keep your chin up!! I wish you only well days!
 
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forgetful88 responded:
That comment did not sound awful to me,but everyone reacts different. I say a lot of joking comments to my neighbor (currently bed ridden dying of cancer) to get a smile out of her. She knows I am kidding because I watch her every evening from 7pm-9pm (I work until 5pm) so her husband can get some rest, shower, eat dinner & get a small mental break. You won't believe the comments I give her, but she knows I love her & only trying to get her to smile...
 
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clayton42 replied to forgetful88's response:
The comment I hate the worst is 'you too young to be sick. wait until you get MY age and then youll know what pain is'.
So help me if I hear that one more time from some 50 something year old person that can walk faster than me, Im gonna scream.
The ignorance of some people knows no bounds at times.

Take care all
Clayton
I tried being sane;it was dull. I'll just stay a loony.
 
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mrahoe responded:
hello all

like everyone else these comments get to me . i try my best not to let them but some just seem to cut to the bone.

i now have to standard answers to put people off track a little just for fun and to watch them squirm a little. . im so bad. . lol

alot of people start out with " i have a question for you " my answer. . " i never even met that girl". . lol

another is "how are you feeling" my answer . . "with my finger and thumb same as always". . lol


but my favorite is when they ask "how are you doing" my answer. . "without same as always and yourself "

theat usualy take things in a different direction and they tend not to say things that hurt.

the nut from the north
john
 
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diannarebecca replied to mrahoe's response:
John you really are a nut! Thank you for keeping us in stitches without the big doctor's bill (although the pain from laughing is there, maybe you are a sadist).
 
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clkwc1964 responded:
Elizabeth,

What gets me is people really don't want to know how others are feeling so why do they even ask if they don't want the truth. I just have a hard time saying " oh good or oh I'm doing fine when I really am not or when I really feel terrible. Unfortunately some people are just asking to be asking and really don't want to know.

Then they don't really know how to respond so they say really stupid things in response sometimes. Don't take it too personally though cause they probably just feel awkward and just don't really know what else to say. Hope you get to feeling better. I have never had the shingles but have heard it is very painful and on top of already having fibro pain it has to be just excruciating. I'll be keeping you in my prayers and hoping for a speedy recovery. Cat :0)
 
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1wareaglefan responded:
Thanks, everyone, for your responses. It's nice to know I'm not alone. It's not that the comment was mean or cruel at all....it was well-intended. I guess I reacted that way because it made me feel like I could actually control getting these illnesses.
 
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clkwc1964 replied to clayton42's response:
Clayton,

Amen to that one. I worked in the nursing home for 18 years and many of those patients were in better shape than my 36 yr old self. Now that I am 46 I feel even worse and still hear just wait until you get to my age. It is truly a stupid comment. I have a friend that is 85 yrs old that until recently definitely was in better shape than me as far as medical condition. I exercise everyday and try to eat right and take care of myself and consider the care I have provided for my body a lot better than many of my friends and yet still have this FM so I guess it is what it is.But boy do I agree with you on that one. Cat :0)
 
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shirley2010 responded:
Those comments years ago would really get me down, but now regardless I always reply " hangin in there ."

With Lupus and FM u never really feel good, but some days are much better than others ... my response is " I am OK ! "

The reason i don't discuss it much is because I don't think ppl really wanted to know ... not that they don't care, it is just that ppl want to think there love ones are at least ok, or, it brings them down and stresses them out also.

So hang in there and when u have a decent day , proudly announce (with a sense of accomplishment), I AM OK !!!
shirley2010