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    Need a friend...
    An_199588 posted:
    Im having a tough time right now, I dont know if its because of the holidays or what. Besides Fibro I have Endometriosis... I was told I should get off my continous birth control since I have met my max amount of years youre supposed to be on them... so now I went off of them. At first I felt good but now I just feel emotional and angry... not sure if its because I am finally confronting many situations in my life or what.

    I was on a drug called Lupron for my Endo which caused me to gain 80 lbs and havent been able to lose it yet, it also made me develop Fibromyalgia among other issues, leading to depression and moodswings. I am still in the process of detoxing and I seem to find more and more bad things out about this drug, its hard NOT to be mad that I wasnt told up front since I was a teen when I was first on it.

    Im married and have kids, DH's hours are weird so its up to me to figure out most of the things going on, especially christmas stuff. I dont know if its me trying to be the "perfect" wife and mom or what but I feel like I cant do what everyone else around me seems to be doing so when I do things, its all in one day or a couple day course. Then I regret some of it or am mad that DH or others dont notice the crap I have to go through to do what they want/need.

    My only friend around me who also has fibro/other issues has so many family things going on I dont want to burden her or bug her. My mom who is like my best friend gets stressed about some of things I talk about because she wishes she could help, so it makes me feel bad to even vent about it, or sometimes she doesnt say anything which makes me feel uneasy. My sibling is going through some things but is just being this horrible person especially to my mom and me.... I am trying to stand up for myself to him because I have never really been able to. DH has a very messed up mom and there are so many issues I would have to write a book, but for some reason I am being caught in the middle not by DH but by her, so its also causing me to stand up for myself. With MIL I dont mind saying what I need to say because I dont really care if she is around she has messed up a lot for DH over his lifetime. But with my sibling, I dont know how to approach the situation.

    Then on top of it comes my pain... things seem to get worse with it all the time. Not taking anything except ibuprophen because not much works except pain meds but I dont want to have to depend on them. I have been wanting for so long to lose this weight because it was NOT even like I got to "enjoy" putting it on(IE:eating awesome foods). I just keep going through this where I get inspired but eventually the pain is like torture no matter how I try to restrict certain workouts or times,etc. Then I end up saying, whatever.... and getting depressed.

    DH lost 65 lbs in the last year due to being laid off and trying to get into a different job where he had to do so. Now even more I feel like I dont deserve him because he helps me SO much and because I look like this fat troll next to him. I feel like people look at our family and think why is he with her?! I put out a fake confidence so most people dont realize how much this effects me but how much can one person take?
    jamesii responded:
    Hi, Ark Jim here. I just now saw your post, I am surprised that you haven't had a ton of replies by now. The weather is bad in a lot of our country, people are dealing with that and lots of problems/pain that they are probably busy.

    I am sorry that you are going thru so much right now . lets pray that things get better real soon for you.

    It seems that so many are going thru so much these days. You sound like a person with fibro from your note. We don't have much acceptance of our peculiar problem. Heck, there are a lot of drs and family/friends that are still trying to tell us it is all in our heads and this fiobro thingy doesn't really exist.

    I would encourage them to wear it for a few days and see how it fits their life and living ideals. I don't think many would want it. I hope you get to feeling better, get closer to others around you. Please be kind to yourself.

    If possible, have your vit d level checked as most us are low on that. Being low causes more pain on top of all that we already have.

    I will be praying for you, and encouraging you to hang in there. Be good to yourself. Some days that is all I can do for myself as noone else will do it.

    God bless, Ark Jim
    1wareaglefan responded:
    Hello, and welcome! I just saw your post. It sounds like you've got so much stress going on in your life. That definitely causes the fibro to flare up. I'm so sorry you're struggling with the weight gain from the med you were taking. It's so unfair, isn't it? We take something to help with one problem, which leads to another problem.

    Are you taking an antidepressant? Most people with fibro also suffer depression. Plus, having gotten off the birth control will cause your hormones to go haywire. When I started going through raging hormones with premenopause, I got on an antidepressant, and it helped me so much with the mood swings, anxiety, etc.

    I think you need a good support system, which I've found right here. These people really understand what's involved with having fibro, along with other health issues. Our families usually don't comprehend, so it's good to have a place to come for support.

    I would encourage you to come here often, read about how others are coping, and also read over to the right where there are lots of tips.

    We're here for you, and we care!

    God bless you, and I'm praying too......Elizabeth
    An_199589 replied to 1wareaglefan's response:
    Thank you both for the replies.

    Jim-- yup I got Fibro but also the other conditions I have are ones similar to fibro in the way that no one else can see or feel them, to them they are invisible and I have been dealing with these for about 7 yrs or so. Thank you for the prayers.

    Elizabeth-- I have tried many different anti-depressants and they make me super depressed actually so I cannot take them. Supposedly, the mood problems are a thing from this drug, because I used to be a more laid back person and now I am always anxious and feel the need to be on top of everything. I often lurk on this group, probably about a year. Sometimes I want to post but I feel like people dont know me so they wont say much or something is going on that I would really have to tell backround situations on first which would take SO long and sitting here isnt too comfortable, ya know? Thank you for the prayers, I really do hope things start to get better healthwise and familywise.
    fibroinsd responded:
    Hello and sorry for all you have been going through...but glad you got it out...venting can be good...and boy, so can relate to so much you said...

    I hope the detox from the med goes ok....I don't know anything about that it will be good to figure out what is what, I guess...and hopefully start to find some things that work for you.

    I do hope you have read the member toolbox and look for things that might help you...and make sure you have had your vit. D and thyroid tested.

    I do hope you make sure you are taking your vitamins...a multi, a D and especially a good B-100 COMPLETE...

    I do hope you start feeling better and really concentrate on taking care of you..

    Let's put the fun back in dysfunctional !- Mary Englebright
    1wareaglefan replied to An_199589's response:
    Hey again, Anon....I just wanted to encourage you in regards to people not knowing you, and your thinking they might not say much. I've found that people here are very kind and supportive and want to offer help and encouragement. I hope, as you continue to read here, you'll discover that we do want to help each other, even though we don't really know one another. Having fibro gives us such a bond, you know? I said before, we care!

    Dairyl replied to 1wareaglefan's response:
    Dear Anon,

    We all can relate to you! Know that we are your FMily and we really do care for you.

    We all need a place to share and vent.

    Hugs to you.......from me.........

    Love Dairy; ( a girl with a boys name )
    jroseland replied to Dairyl's response:
    Hello there-

    So many of us here have experienced weight gain from meds. I have and it's horrible. I completely identified with you when you said you didn't even get to enjoy the good foods! I felt the same way, and often wanted to give up and eat candy bars and fast food--since I looked like I did anyway.

    My sister-in-law took meds for endometriosis (I don't know which one but it sounds like what you had). A doctor told her it would take 7 years for it to completely leach out of her system and almost exactly in 7 years she was able to lose weight. So there may be hope for you. Of course, this is completely 3rd hand and unscientific, so I don't want to give you false hope, but maybe you can look into some experiences of other people on that drug.

    The pain killer meds are difficult. On one hand I feel like if a pill can give me quality of life, then bring it on. On the other hand, since I'm only 28, I don't want to fall into a slippery slope of needing to constantly increase the pain meds. I don't think there's an easy answer but I think they will be part of my life. Thankfully, I have a doctor who trusts me so I can be honest with her without worrying about getting pegged as a drug seeker.

    Exercise is difficult. When I had gained a bunch of weight from meds, I decided that I would exercise even with the inevitable pain back lash. And I still do end up in quite a bit of pain from working out but I feel better emotionally and the exercise does help with energy. Plus, it helps us secrete serontonin and dopamine which can help with depression. Believe me, though, I know it's hard and painful. If you can, try doing interval excercises, where you increase the level for 30 seconds every 90 seconds or so. This is the best way to boost your metabolism. Plus, if you do this, you don't have to exercise for as long--maybe 20 minutes max. But many people with FM have to start out only doing 5 minutes of exercise, then slowly increase. But I have to say, that my view on exercise is aided by the fact that I will take pain meds. If they help me exercise and be healthier, than they're serving their purpose.

    But, my goodness! I don't have kids and feel like I barely get through the day. You have a lot on your shoulders and you should feel good about yourself for taking all that on. (Way easier said than done, I know!)

    A lot of us struggle with feelings of anger and lonliness. Unfortunately, I haven't found the magic solution. And it would be hard that your husband was able to lose weight and you have not. That is incredibly frustrating. I have been there and even still don't know how to be okay with that.

    I hope you can find some comfort talking with people who understand your situation. Even the best most supportive people without FM have a hard time giving comfort to those of us that do have it.
    An_199590 replied to fibroinsd's response:
    Cece-- Vit D level was checked recently again(was so before) and it still low around 23... Thanks for the words!
    An_199591 replied to jroseland's response:
    jroseland-- Thanks for the encouragement, I actually would rather have some false hope then none at all, so bring it on! I heard mixed reviews from people who have been on the same drug, that either they eventually can lose it or not still cant. Its just frustrating because even other women with Endo, some of them act like they know ALL about this drug and because they didnt have the issues I did with it(and 1000's of other women like me did) they assume Im either lying and I mustve caused all my issues not the drug. So it feels like when I should be able to relate, some of them are just rude but I have found many who have went through the same as me but they are just as lost as me.

    I tried doing the 5 min exercises but still had pain and also was getting annoyed because I was always thinking about how I used to be able to jog and bike 4 miles and how great it was and here I am doing a couple minutes and scared of what kind of pain will come out of it. So I go back and forth, if I didnt have kids or a husband it may be different but because there are SO many things to keep up on... it really is tough to try do that when I know how much worse I will feel.

    Thank you again for taking the time to help me.
    jroseland replied to An_199591's response:
    Yes, I understand about the exercise. We have only a very limited supply of energy and ability to cope per day. You save yours for your kids and your husband!

    It's very difficult to have to be apprehensive of pain. It's hard to know when to push and when not to. That's why I have pain meds available to me--so that I can exercise how I want and not be too afraid of the pain. Without that safety net, I don't think I would workout as hard.

    I hope you can find something to make yourself feel a little better!
    angelldakota responded:
    Hi Hun... Welcome... You have come to a wonderful place to find friends... Friends who are there for you through problems in life... Friends who have and are living your live of FM... People who have a hard time with pain and get depressed and angry.... People who reach out in tears and touch peoples hearts... Friends who share their laughter and joy and touch souls... Friends filled with compassion and love for people you never really know...

    So Welcome My Friend....

    I too could tell your story... So much like me when I first got ill from some unknown force over 28 years ago... Could have been FM then... But we will never know...

    This is mine for you...

    I just had a 5 yr old child step over me in my bed and jump off it and I was paralyzed for 9 months... The only thing they could come up with was nerve and muscle damage from the abuse I had just left... I wasn't the same from the last beating a month earlier...Hurting all the time with nothing showing up to say why... Except yes some nerve and muscle damage... But I think the FM was already there...

    When I get up in the morning the first thing I do is stretch.... before I even get out of bed... I then take my pain killers... I am not ashamed to take them nor am I afraid to... They give me some quality of life back... I use a wheelchair to get around a lot but now walk with arm crutches... and am walking in the house on my own more... I may still have to be very careful but I am getting somewhere...

    I will and still have my setbacks... That's what life with things like FM is like... I have 3 things majorly going for me...

    One is my very supportive 3 children... They have done more for me in the last 28 plus years then I can imagine ever doing for them... But I can tell you one thing... All this has made us a very bonded and strong family...

    Two is this wonderful group of friends and family... They have been the most supporting and most compassionate... the most dearest people I have known in my life... They are here to cry with you... laugh with you... pray to God with you... praise God with you... And simply be there knowing what you are going through for they too are going through what you are...

    and three... I think my acceptance keeps me going... At times I have to accept things a minute at a time... like tonight... but for the most part I accept things one day at a time... If I accept that I am me and not FM and the other afflictions with in my body... I can accept both me and them a lot easier... and yes it is hard... It is very hard to look in the mirror and not see the 125 lbs woman standing there... now she is more like 200 lbs... It is very hard to sit in a wheelchair and use crutches to do 99 % of my walking... When I jogged every morning and danced every night... It is hard to live life with things like FM... not knowing from one minute to the next what is going to happen next... Not to make plans for you may have to cancel them... Or make plans and try to suffer through them without anyone knowing...

    It is hard on our loved ones to understand... I look at it this way... I have never had a broken leg and if you have you know how it feels but I don't... They don't have FM... they can't imagine how it feels... And I sure wouldn't want them to walk in my shoes...

    Hun... I hope I didn't say too much... I hope I didn't scare you away... Please keep coming back... We need you as much as you need us...

    take care.. bless you.. luv.. jan/angelldakota
    An_199592 replied to angelldakota's response:
    angeldakota-- thanks for the words. No you didnt scare me away! I get what you are saying, I am definitely NOT a person who thinks I am any of my diseases... I am used to enlightening people who ask what it is I have or things like that but I dont use my diseases like a crutch or anything.

    Its just rough as we all know. Like I said I had to go off my birth control and pretty much cant go back on it and now I really do feel a difference in pelvic pain(along with FM pain, and other issues). I used to use pain pills for years since I was a teen because thats when all of my endo stuff started and that was when I was on pills where it helped. Now its like I am on no pills and feel like you cant go to new docs and ask for meds like that.

    Over the last 2 yrs I have seen specialists and have seen many Internal Med, family,etc docs who just plain were very good... so its hard for me to go back or to keep spending money when I dont have it just so I can get some pills. I have an OBGYN who treated my endo who I still see yearly who I need to go in and see but even then I get a limited amount which doesnt last very long, and I am scared she will say well if the pain is THAT horrible then go back on the BCP's and then I will have a stroke or something horrible. I just feel like right now Im in between a rock and a hard place... Just dont know how I am going to handle this pelvic pain and other pains especially with the endo which is just going to get worse over time with no treatment. Oh well, who knows what will happen I guess.

    Oh and I need to go into a doc because my foot was sprained and resprained about a month ago and still is not looking nearly as good as it should so some family is worried it may be fractured and not healing correctly... again here I go using all our money on my stupid body... and I dont even look very good, I swear with all the money I spend on medical bills I should have had some plastic surgery!!! ;)

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