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    The big question:
    An_200059 posted:
    OK I have wanted to ask you all this question for a while....................

    How do we deal with the intimate side of our lives....What with all the pain and fatigue etc I have a great deal of trouble with this.....Hubby and I had a discussion 2 weeks ago and we decided to ask his urologist for see alice
    (Pun) he is a 13 yr bladder cancer suvivor and has some the scrip and are in the process of taking it......So how do I deal with my pain problems and still have a life????????????Im stumped on this one as most of the time my pain can be 5 or above usully8 or 9 Any suggestions
    Brook008 responded:
    I have been wanting to ask the same question... I have only been married for a year and allready sex has become an impossible task that I hate. I have no sex drive on interest in sex. I also have pain during and after sex which 4 gyns and a urologist have not been able to figure out why, but they assume it's linked to the fibro. I've tried all types of lubricants, numbing ointments, viberators, with or without a condom, different positions, etc. Anyway I go some part of my body hurts and it is impossible to enjoy any part of it. I really hope somebody out there has some good advice.
    xperky responded:
    Only trying to add humor here...what if we all just decided to be masachistic and actually enjoyed the pain and found it to be a turn-on?! Might work. ;-)

    Difficult topic indeed. We desperately need intimacy to feel special and loved, but can't relax and enjoy it due to pain. Catch 22.
    Life is wonderful when lived with love and compassion, Margaret
    chocobunfl replied to xperky's response:
    I am a very passionate person and i have a man in my life that understands my condition. I love sex but my condition can get in the way of what my desire. My partner is very understanding that i can not get into certain positions so he ask me how i want it or if it is uncomfortable for me. because as a female having FMS it does hurt internally than when i did not have it.

    However i do not want to be selfish and not deprive my partner of his needs either. even if I am not getting any gratification from it; i love him enough to please him.

    I really do not think it is anything out there for women to enhance us in the bedroom and specially when you are in pain. I think we will have to have mind over matter.

    I know it is hard to do when you are in so much pain; but when it get that bad then our partners need to have the understanding that we are not able to perform even half way for them at that momment.

    I love my partner and i will do what i can to keep him happy even if it overlooking my pain for a momment to please him because he do what he can everyday to help me in my pain.
    mrahoe responded:
    hello ladies

    i thought i would chime in with a guy with fm perspective. .

    i dont think its just your pain that causes the lack of sex drive as much as it is our meds. as i have not been able to achieve an erection in about 6 yrs due to meds, so i think they would have some sort of effect on you.

    i was lucky in the fact that my dw went thru the "change" at the same time so she lost her sex drive at the same time and sex was never a major part of our relationship. .

    mind you i can still talk a good game . . lol. .

    A piece of advice from the Sultan of Swat, Babe Ruth: It's hard to beat a person who never gives up.
    chouchoudeux replied to mrahoe's response:

    You always crack me up, guy!
    Thanks for adding some levity... We have to laugh at ourselves, or we'd just cry!

    Hoping the weather doesn't get folks down too much.

    Sunny wishes on a rainy day in Wisconsin.
    NeNe_11 replied to Brook008's response:
    Ditto on everything you said about intimacy & fibro. I just wonder how much longer my man is going to put up with me. He is on the sofa & i am in the bed-I need the entire queen size bed to be able to move & change positions through the night. We dont have room to switch to a king size & have only one bedroom. Its a mess. He is afraid to touch me. Theres no hugging kissing anything. Its so sad. Besides that, I have to admit that the desire is gone also. All I think about each day is taking my ambien @ 10 & being asleep an hour or two later.
    NeNe_11 replied to chocobunfl's response:
    Chocobunfl.....Thats awesome what you said-I hope I can try harder to put my man before my pain-he deserves a loving, passionate mate & should be able to look forward to sex with me at least once in a while!
    MahmaRissa responded:
    One good orgasm can help calm your pain for a short amount of time. Start with get a short relief from the severity of the pain, hopefully he gets some arrousal from it, and then you take care of him. Just my thoughts.

    Things are a lot different in my releationship...makes it easier to be honest. I remember when I was with my ex husband....and I would burry my face in the pillow and cry so he could have his....he never appreciated what I would go through so he could have his fun.

    My partner is an angel, and always tries to do what is best for me....and I do the same for her. She is also a chronic pain sufferer and can relate to the bad "don't touch me" days and understands the "OMG I actually feel okay today lets get it on!!!!" days.

    Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to NeNe_11's response:
    Hi NeNe,

    I hope the two of you can find a way to have some level of intimacy.

    Touch, even if there's pain, can end up helping us.. all those lovely endorphins. And I do believe we need to, as human beings, connect with the person in our lives.

    I'm sorry that he's afraid to touch you. How do you react when he does? There are many careful ways that touch can be incorporated into both your lives.

    And if communication is breaking down, it might be worth some couples counseling.

    Fibromyalgia affects all, those who have it and those who love them, and you could both use support. (((softhugs)))

    Having said all that, it is possible to maintain a strong, supportive marriage when illness enters our lives.
    We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell
    Wolfsong452 responded:
    oh heck, I'm sitting here trying to answer this, without going into detail of my personal stuff.

    yes, there is pain, yes, it's hard,

    is it worth it?


    WORK with it, even if it hurts, sometimes you can use that to you advantage.

    My shoulder and neck area, is ultra sensitive, almost painful.

    I think it would be this way, even without FM.

    Well, Boyfriend uses this to his advantage. Kissing and biting the back of the neck. He can barely kiss me on the neck, and I'm jumping out of my skin,


    yet, done the right way, does lead to pleasure.

    So, enough said,

    keep working on it,

    do adjustments, try different positions, hot shower before, stop in the middle have a shower,


    take it extremely slow. Sometimes, just the thought that you've TRIED,

    rmkjk replied to Wolfsong452's response:
    Hi again Also just talking to your partner and actully telling him/her just what hurts and how they may be able to help you enjoy the intimate time...some of that new gel,,,yours ad mine is a good aid also something new and
    jrae922 replied to rmkjk's response:
    I might be the anomoly here, but I find that being intimate helps relieve my pain. For the last 2 1/2 years, I have been on Cymbalta and have not been able to have an orgasm but I still enjoy sex - just for the the physical and emotional intimacy. If you are in so much pain that you can't fathom being intimate but you have the desire in your heart to connect with your mate, my advice would be to do whatever you can to relax together. Hot bath (or shower), soft music - it can help to put you "in the mood". When you feel better physically, you might find that the desire for intimacy follows. Do what you can to nuture your relationship - it's one of your most important lifelines.
    chocobunfl replied to jrae922's response:
    diddo. that is how i feel, it makes my pain temporarly go away.
    ljeanaz responded:
    Laughter is the best aphrodisiac. That and a glass of wine.

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