Fibromyalgia Community

Hi Mary,

I agree - FM makes it really hard to sustain friendships. This is one of the reasons why I try so hard to continue to work. I was in the same job for 9 years and when the stress became too much for me, I requested a transfer. Now, I am starting all over from a social perspective so I'm really glad I still have a few friends outside of work. My friends and I will go weeks and sometimes months without visiting or even talking but they all seem to understand.

Friendships are really important when you are dealing with something as difficult as FM. Is there a local book club you can join? I would actively seek out some connections - even if they are only acquaintances. People need each other!

I did the stay at home, it drove me crazy. It made me depressed, I did not know which was worse the physical part or the mental part...FOR ME IT WAS THE MENTAL.
I went back to the workforce. Yes, it is tiring & painful at times, BUT, I refuse to let life pass me by....

My mind & body will rest when I die...I am a people person so have to be around people.

Just thought I'd put in my thoughts on this.

Fibro symptoms are bad I know, I've had "it" / the DX for over 30 years now. And if I had let myself I'd still be on a couch back in California doing nothing but hurting. But because of friends I did get up and get on with life.

I realized soon after the fibro DX that the life I thought I was leaving behind, the active out going life was still mine, but was going to have to be 'tweaked' a bit to fit Fibro and flares.

I know it's brave talk, but we just have to get out and live our lives with Fibro and while in flares. 6 months after the DX and I got back on my feet I went back to collage, finished with my courses, and moved on with my life.. and it's a good life.. Yes it is!, even when I'm feeling really unwell. Why? Cause it's MY LIFE! I run it, I figure out what I am going to do each day, each week.. and yes, I even plan for things months, years ahead. Fibro may be a part of my day, but it doesn't call the shots on my day.. I do!

Example: I am in the longest flare I have ever had.. and I hurt really bad 2 days out of the 4 I just spent in DisneyWorld with my family.. But even hurting, off balance, and getting a migraine, I went to the parks, went on every ride with my grandson.. never missed a beat.. Fibro didn't win that one, and while I can, "it" never will.

I realize all too well that it takes a lot from us to muster the energy to get out, get to doing things in our homes and away from home, but those of us with Fibro really do have make that extra - extra effort, be stronger than we thought we could be, on the bad days to get up and get moving, even if its just to do small things, errands, take a walk, visits with neighbors.

And, thankfully, I haven't lost a single friend in all these years because I was too fibroid " down and out " to keep connected to them.

They are still a part of my daily life. And I still keep connected with my 'old' collage chums who were with me when I got my Fibro DX I still keep in the loop with the people I worked with before the Fibro DX, all my California friends and the new ones I've made here in TN. For me, friends matter and they have helped me deal with this DX.

They know me. They know I will give my very best try to get out, keep up with them, go visit, etc. , So when I just can't a day here or there they understand.

Everyone here on the board knows and has 'true' fiends like I have . And we are all better off for having friends to talk with on things other than fibro.

So if you have been staying in, not connecting with friends, I encourage you to give it another try. Pick up the phone, click on your mouse and get back into those friendships that made you happy before.

Soft hugs going out your way.

Linda R.

Of course you have friends - what are we, chopped liver?

We are bound by this awful illness into a family like no other. And it makes sense to reach out to people you like and get out on occasion.

By Best Friend and I live 40 miles from each other, and see each other three or four times a year for Play Dates. (She's a teacher, so it fits.) We email and call regularly. We met in school in 1972.

I have a friend who lives around the corner from me. She is insanely funny, and she lost her son to cancer two years ago. We go out for Girl's Afternoon every few months, We both work, but old friends are best sometimes.

Call a neighbor or an 'old' friend. Meet for lunch or ice cream. it gets easier the more you do it.
Lou

I would imagine that Fybro makes it hard to make new friends...but so does being gay...so I have come to learn that it is not quantity but quality. I have a few close friends, who I can still call and cry to...or better yet, go out for an evening so they force me to get off my sorry tush and move a little.

I really feel for you though. I lost a lot of people in my life who I thought were friends when I came out......and a few more over time due to this illness. However, those who stuck by me through it all make up for 100 of the others.

I used to play WOW...found a lot of very accepting (albeit sometimes strange) people there...including my partner. My pc is down and I can't afford internet at the moment, however I have found that many of them still check in with me and call me on a regular basis.

Good luck!!

~Mahma

Lou and Mahma, I love your responses. You 2 have a great mind set.

If life were simple who'd want to live it?

You have to stub your toe to feel the pain then walk a better path.

Strenght does come from trial and tribulations.

I hope maryj42 gives friends another chance. I know she'll be happy she did.

Linda r.

Very hard to make and keep friends cause you never feel good and hard to make plans also. A lot of people do not understand and avoid the issue thus avoid you:0)

Keeping and making friends can be very difficult. I think it depends on how sick you are with this awful illness. I know we have to fight it, but some here are very sick every day, and struggle just to do the most basic things.

When I'm having one of my better days, I can do quite a bit. But sometimes I crumble all of the sudden, and absolutely have to stop and sit or nap. If I plan my whole week around an event, I can do it. That means decreasing activities and increasing some meds a couple days ahead of the event. Then, I can count on needing extra care the day after.

If that's me, then I can imagine some of you with FM have it worse than I do, and can't do what I can do. Some of you are more able to push through your symptoms and do more than I, every day. That's great. Just remember not to assume I can do what you can do! This illness is unique to every one of us.

Do the best you can. Push yourself, but also pace yourself. There are so many little tricks for us to learn to manage this illness, and the learning takes time. Keeping and making friends is a high priority for me, but takes tons of personal effort. I hope it's worth it in the long run.

Its not about me giving them another chance. People don't want to do for others anymore.

Even my own sisters don't help. It hurts alot. My sister's know my health situation. I have two young kids who don't get to do even a portion of the things other kids do because I can't physically keep up.

I'm 23 years old and I can sympathize. I used to have tons and tons of friends and constantly work at making them and hanging out and being there to be the one to give advice. But now I don't even try to hang out with friends anymore except for my best friend and boyfriend. I'm scared that if I one day lose them I won't have any friends. I find it really hard to have the energy to concentrate on friends. Sometimes I'm so tired I can't even seem to make myself type up a reply on facebook (much less go hang out with anyone!) Usually all I can manage to do is try to keep up with school and my part time job and sometimes even that is too much.

Having just my best friend and boyfriend is usually enough for me though. You really need to have a support system--anyone does and with something like fibro you may even need it more. Maybe you should try getting in touch with some of your old coworkers. But you could also join volunteer groups (since it's volunteer you can probably not be there on days when it's too much) or local clubs, or even ask your local hospital if there are any fibro support groups that meet. I wish you luck and try not to give up! Good friends will understand when you have limits.

-Becca

I'm also lucky to have married a wonderful man almost 28 years ago, and I got his terrific family. OK, there are a couple I'd like to send into a fire, but most of them are great and caring.

And I stand behind the "meet for ice cream" idea. Maybe that's why that 35 lbs won't come off...

this is a hard one. i try to have friends but they all work and have cars - i cant drive anymore - and i feel like a fifth wheel. they also dont understand. ive tried to get a few to get on this site and see whats really up and what FM is all about but no one has the time. lol. i had one person just today call me a hypocondriac. i am sooooo tired of that word and the looks and sighs that go with it.
i have a neighbor who is a healthy 36 year old man who sat down with me last week and asked questions. thats the first time ever. he made me feel better with his interest and he is sincere.
i have a few people i can count on but i have always been rather a loner and really independent. i have kitty companions and am very happy with them. i have good neighbors who check on me routinely if they havent seen me and that makes me feel content to live where i do. my children are not in my life because i was always supermom and they cant stand to see whats happening.
ive been at this for many many years and it takes strength and determination to hold your head up and feel good about yourself, even on your worst days when you cant get out of bed and the kitchen is just tooooo far away to get a cup of tea. i always thank G-D that i can get up and take care of myself.
be patient with the people you think are worth keeping close. nurture these friendships and they can last many years.
best of luck to you,
mag

34 yrs. old. 2 toddler girls. stay at home mom. husband works. he is all i have besides my girls. no friends whatsover. Not a good feeling. Sorry to hear your in the same boat. Hope you can find some peace.

My friends are largely people I attend church with - Sunday School class, etc. The church is my social life as well as my spiritual life. There are those, even in the church, who do not like to spend time around "sick" people. That's their loss in some cases because some of us "sick" ones are pretty cool. It's like everything else - there are nice people and there are duds - everywhere. If I talk about my aches and pains and tiredness all the time, that is going to run people off. I need to have a close friend or two I can talk to about it and know they will be sympathetic and understanding. When I have to opt out of something, which is getting more and more frequent, I can do it with grace and little fanfare. If you are already to the point where you don't feel like physically going out, then I would think facebook, etc., would be the next best option. There are also sites you can go to online and ask people to pray for you. I get more help from that than most anything else. God bless you!!!