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Am I a bad nana?
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spookiesmom posted:
Thanks to fibro, I am noise sensitive. Tonite DD and the grands came over for birthday cake. The boys are 6 & 4. I don't have carpet, laminate only. They were running, stomping their feet, chasing Spookie, squeeking her toys, throwing hot wheels. Pop pop, DD and I are trying to converse. DD told them several times to go to another room or outside. They don't listen. I'm shooting dirty looks at her. Finally I lost it, again. I started screaming at them. I can't stand their noise, I feel bad I screamed at them. I don't want them to be afraid of me. But they did quiet down immediatly. One on one with either I'm ok. Together, I can't stand them.

I can't be the only one with noise problems. I don't even have tv on, can't stand the noise. What do others do?
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booch007 responded:
Oh I am so afraid of this being me too. I don't do well with alot of stimulation. Right now my girls are so young and we are quiet, but kids are kids. Boys are boys, I can remember going after my own (never understanding why boys have to wrestle and push and jump..) I still don't get the difference in the sexes. Dang hormones.

It is hard for the guys to understand you. You might have them take their shoes off in your house (that would make it softer).....Sounds like they needed entertaining too......

Sorry that this happened, we always regret after an explosion. But the explosion took a bit to simmer before the pop! Right? Sad we don't have a diffuse button.........

Well, you can just say sorry...you really just got to my nerves. Shoes off from now on, oh and don't torture spookie!
Good luck, Nancy B
 
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crazytaurenswife responded:
Hello spookiesmom,

Noise is a big trigger for me, too. It gets to be too much and I end up in 'panic mode' - either whatever is making the noise has to STOP or I need to leave. I can imagine how difficult it must be for you to have them both at your house at the same time. If the kids are going to be at your house, there are a few things that you may want to try that may make their visit more pleasant for all of you. As Nancy B. suggested, make sure they take their shoes off as soon as they come inside. Having soft, quiet(er) toys for them to play with (stuffed animals, books, crayons & coloring books, playdough or give them a stack of cushions and some sheets to build a fort) may help keep them busy so they aren't playing with Spookie's squeaky toys or running rampant through your house. Another big one is to make ground rules for your house. They are old enough to start learning how to behave at someone else's house and how to treat pets. Make your rules simple (no running in the house, shoes come off as soon as you come inside), enforce them, and above all, be consistent. It will take a while for them to adjust to the new situation, but eventually it will get better.

As for them being boys...in my experience, boys are almost always noisier than girls. But if you can channel that energy, it's not (usually) so bad. I have two boys, ages 14 & 11. My 14 yo has ADHD, is 6 ft tall, and has a voice that carries through the whole house...even when he's trying hard to be quiet. Some days it gets VERY noisy here, but I warn them when the tension starts and they (usually) quiet down before I lose it.
 
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xperky responded:
I can't tolerate lots of noise either! It has bothered me for years, and I didn't know why until my FM diagnosis.

I have trouble visiting my Sil's and Bil's house. 3 kids, all the TV's are on, and on LOUD. Chaos everywhere. My attention is spread all over the place and I can't focus.

When the kids have come over to my house, there's no rules and no civility...lol. I can't stand it. I'm afraid my FM has made it very difficult for me to enjoy my nephews and niece. Such a shame, but it's too much for me. It's better now that they are older.

I hope you can enjoy the grandkids. Maybe less often at your place, and more often out and about! It's OK. You will find a way to enjoy them and love them.
With Compassion,
Margaret
 
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angelswife responded:
Hi spookiesmom,
I am glad you posted this---I didn't know noise sensitivity could be part of the Fibro! I have had this challenge for a while and could never figure out why. Now I know---thank you!

My noise sensitivity drives Husband crazy. He is hard of hearing on one side so everything has to be LOUD. I solved the TV problem by buying him headphones for it; but the clock radio---OMG. The alarm is set on "stun". When I try to turn it down he complains he can't hear it, but he sleeps right through it anyway no matter how loud it is. I told him when he retires, the clock radio goes out the nearest window and it's never coming back in. I really hate that clock radio!

Family gatherings are a challenge too. DIL has three high-energy girls, two dobermans and a poodle, so there is always lots of noise, even without the assorted 20 or so extended family members and kids that usually show up...My brother has two kids, 8 and 1/12, along with two dogs; plus SIL's family is large and Italian. I love them all, but after a couple of hours I'm ready to go home and hide. The noise can be exhausting.

It might help Spookie if he can be put in an "off limits to children" room when they come over. My mom had to do this with her cat because they would chase it all over the house.
 
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MaryinMt replied to angelswife's response:
I also have this problem , when we visit my husbands family. He is from a family of 7 children and when we get together there are so many nieces, nephews and grands around. I like to find a quiet corner where I can observe evryone and hopefully still visit. They usually kind of separate the kids in one area with entertainment and the adults in another. Christmas is the hardest cause that is one everyone is usually in one place.
 
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katmandulou responded:
No - you're not a bad nana!

DH is one of 8, and I'm one of 5 - we have 28 nieces and nephews, plus three 'greats' - so I know what that chaos sounds like. I believe my trigger was an auto accident which left me with tinnitus, too, and earplugs aren't an option.

When I'm at my dear MIL's house, I will go to another room. Some people (adults) don't have indoor voices, and some of DH's family are just plain rude, so it's a good excuse to get away from them. Some of the others have places to which I can retreat - one has three bathrooms, so it's easy to go there!

With my family, everyone has taught their kids that they have to use indoor voices, but it can get loud. All have a playroom where the kids can make noise.

Talk to your DD and let her know that her boys will have to use their indoor voices from now on. Ask to speak with each boy, tell him you're sorry you yelled, but the noise was too loud for your house. Oh, and leave Spookie alone.
Lou
 
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sbncmo responded:
I had never read anything before about FM causing noise sensitivity. I'm like MaryinMt - my husband is from a family of 7 children & when the entire family gets together, there are over 30 people in the house. The noise is overwhelming & I try to find the quietest group to sit with or just go sit in a bedroom with the door closed.

And like angelswife - the loud TV! I can't stand to be in the same room. My husband has it on & I can be at the other end of the house with the door closed & still hear it! He wants me to watch TV with him but I can't handle it. Part of him having it so loud sometimes is that he has a problem with ear wax building up & has to clean it out. When he does, the volume goes down for about a week or two.

I do have one advantage, if you can call it that - I'm mostly deaf in one ear & have a slight hearing loss in the other. Even so, things are often too loud. When his alarm goes off in the morning, I don't hear it because my hearing ear is on my pillow.

But I have a double whammy with noise sensitivity - I also have Bipolar disorder & that causes me to be extremely noise sensitive.

Thanks for posting that info. We learn something new every day, don't we?

Shelia
 
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1wareaglefan responded:
No, you're definitely not a bad Nana. I just wanted to tell you that I have noise sensitivity. Of course it really just started with the fibro. I can't stand having the radio going in the car. Being in a large group with everybody talking makes me very uncomfortable. Even the preacher talking loudly and fast makes me nervous.

I think I'd have a talk with my daughter and explain things to her. I know boys will be boys and are louder, but disturbing you two so you can't even talk wouldn't be acceptable to me.

Don't feel guilty! You're in good company with the noise sensitivity.

Take care....Elizabeth
 
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Wolfsong452 responded:
you are not a bad NANA, even if you're not noise sensitive, if you're not used to something, it can really get on your nerves.

I've met some very young children, who were still in a stroller. They were very noise sensitive. The parents had brought them to the dairy farm when I worked there. There was a very noisy clanging banging pump that was used for the production area, it would either be pumping steam, or pumping milk to the silo etc.

This noise had the children that were noise sensitive in tears. The parents had to take them for a long walk to see the cows, the kids couldn't even be calmed by an offer of ice cream.

you might try and tell the boys, that the noise hurts your ears,

sometimes kids can understand better than adults.


putting the pet in another room is a good idea,

or only have one person holding the pet, then when things get to rough, away with the pet, in a Locked ROOM.

you are not strange, you are a normal person, like I said, even if you didn't have FM, noise is noise, when you're not used to it, or it bothers you!


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