Dear jan, we are all here feeling your grief. I lost 4 loved ones in two yrs. it's very, very hard. What can we say to make it better other then we are here for you and will listen and respond the best we can no matter your mood in the post.
It was more then a year before I got sleep or didn't cry every day. I'd like you to call and see your Dr. They can offer something to help you get a little sleep or the stress will take you to a long hard flare up.
I just began to doubt the small amount of faith I had and scream "WHY" next came the what ifs. All it did was get me worked up and I ended in the hospital.
When your a little better go looking for photos and cards of your time together. Only happy loving ones since I Belive you said there was an issue. Put together a memory album. It will hurt but also bring back blessed times in your life. You can hold it cry whatever but as time goes by it will remind you of the good times. ( it will also keep you busy, giving a small break from your heartache).
We are all sadden by this event but I also feel a sense of warmth that you would share it here with us. You must have many friends here and willing to trust the newbies.
My thoughts are with you. I'm hyper sensitive so I did shed tears when I read the post.
I wish you inner peace soon and please try a grief meditation. It can help your sprit let go of your grief. I don't want to here you had a relapse next.
In honor of your husbands life I wish you peace of sprit, heart, soul and mind.
Much kindness being sent your way in a gentle hug
Sending understanding and a smile your way. :-)