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Feel Like Giving Up
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Bellagirl31 posted:
I am not sure how to put all this into words but I simply feel like giving up at this point. I was diagnosed 6 months ago with FM and have felt like I have been suffering ever since. I had been hurting over 2 years before the doctors finally said it was FM. I drank previously to ease the pain, not knowing what it was, and now between the meds, diet, DR appointments, constantly trying to get others to understand that this isn't a joke I have reached a breaking point. When I do finally sleep, last stent was 8 days without any, I for some reason dig at my skin (head, face, stomach, legs, and OMG my arms) and the doctor says this is sometimes normal because my nerves are going crazy. I am covered in scars, scratches, and sores. I don't like leaving my house or having anyone over simply so I do not have to explain why it looks like I have been thrown into a garbage disposal. I am not one to take medicine so I do take only the bare minimum. One minutes I am happy and nothing can bring me down then the next I can barely breath from pain and want to cry. I just want this pain, frustration, feeling of being the only one to stop. To feel normal and not embarrassed to have to say "no I can't because I am hurting". Maybe it is me not accepting this and I am in denial. Someone help!

Bellagirl1
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crystalscats responded:
I know how you feel. I just ranted on another post. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. At least some meds do work for me. I am not in a lot of pain today but the fatigue as set in good and I this will have me aching and stiff by tonight. I also itch I thought before I just had dry skin. I do put lotion on every day to try and ease it some or shower gel to moisturize my skin. If nothing makes me feel like I am doing something mentally for it.

I was dx just over a yr ago. At first I did not have the CF though it reared it's ugly head in the last 6 months. Doc wanted me to up my Savella. I don't like taking meds as is, so I didn't do it. I want to try to get off and all supplements are mostly them at some point.

Like you one minute I am happy next my body reminds me the dragon is with me and brings me down. Then my cat or my son will walk in and I know why I keep going. I am loved and so are you. My friends know why I have alienated myself and worry about me. But we will go on, more and more research is being done on FM and I'll be doggone if they don't find more help for us while I am here. We FM'ers are strong. Yes we have our bad days but we keep on fighting. Well got to go, going numb in my hands again.
Crystal
 
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Bellagirl31 replied to crystalscats's response:
Thank you Crystal it is comforting that I am not the only one with scars. Unfortunately with the sores for some it is hard to see me this way knowing they are unable to actually help in some way to ease the pain, which I try to understand. My partner, whom I cared so much for left also for that reason. During my last flare up he couldn't bare to witness it anymore, so he left. I read this community everyday and find encouragement and strength. It just gets lonely and giving up sometimes is easier. Today being a very bad day for me, the pain in back is making me ill and the numbness hasn't subsided. I have always been a fighter even being so young. At 27 I survived breast cancer and treatment and now at 32 I will survive through this. Just an hour of total relief seems so nice right now.
 
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BluePoet67 replied to Bellagirl31's response:
BellaGirl,
I wrote a very long reply earlier and decided I prolly shouldn't post it - too much rambling and about me. I wanted to encourage you. I know how you feel. While I haven't been exactly where you are I know what it feels like after weeks of constant pain and fatigue you just are so tired of being in pain and tired. You are ready to sit down and never get back up. And being a depressed person from childhood doesn't help either (which I am). But I just want you to know the tough times/depressing times/ the black hole will pass. It doesn't seem like it though. But it does eventually.

I am so sorry about your partner. I too worry about my fiancee leaving me since he doesn't understand my illnesses no matter how many times I try to explain it. He wants a magic pill cure. Which there aren't. I have lupus and FM. FM was DX last fall actually surprised me untill I connected the dots and realized many of the symptoms were dating back to teen years. But the past year and half has been awful.

I too tend to pick at my arms; i started that off and on last year and put it down to my anxiety which began last year. I will all of a sudden realize I am picking places on my arms. Don't know why. hmmmm another wierd symptom to go with the long list maybe?!!

Anyway I wish you had just one friend/person who you could talk to or lean on when times were bad. Just to listen. Or to come over and help you get your house in order (nest like) for when you are ill and can't stand looking at it anymore. Someone who sees you - the inside you- and who doesn't care about the outside being scarred or the house being messy or you just being blue. Maybe this board will lead you to a friend-penpal like that. Or to a support group nearby and you will meet someone like that there. There has to be someone out there for you to be YOU with during the bad times. A friend.

You are a strong one I can tell !! And you will get through this time like you have before ... even if the road is rockier than ever.....

Chin up...nails in and hang on! Blue in KY
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Bellagirl,

I'm sorry for your need to be here but glad you found us. As you can see, you're not alone.

Have you considered therapy for yourself? It really could help you figure out how best to cope with all of this. No, it doesn't take away the pain, but it can really help.

And if medications can help, they may be worth trying. It can take time to find one that works well for you. While there is no cure, an ease in pain is possible.

And there are many other approaches as well, including supplements, regular exercise, meditation and more.

The good news is that having Fibromyalgia doesn't mean an end to your life. You can still have a full life, filled with love and laughter and more; it just may be different than the one you imagined. It can just take time to process it all. (((hugs)))
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell
 
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1wareaglefan replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Caprice, I'm glad you said that about trying some meds. I wanted to, but I know so many people are very against taking anything. But I just have to say that being on a combo of meds has helped get me up out of the pit, where I was for months.

My feeling is why suffer, if there's something out there to enable you to live a somewhat normal life. It might not be the same life you had, but it can still be good.

I would think there's something that could help with the sleep and the scratching. It could change your life from what it is now.

Just think about it, and maybe talk to your doctor about it.
 
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Bellagirl31 replied to 1wareaglefan's response:
I have been trying therapy and it does help with the coping. Like yesterday I was having a very emotional and painful day. The medications that I was first put on made me completely comatose which has made me not want to try anything else. I currently am seeking help from 3 doctors. One whom which is trying to find ways through medications, the other 2 are helping me with acupuncture and heat treatments to keep me ease and somewhat out of pain. It is simply trying to learn to adjust my life and sometimes it is hard. I was venting yesterday.
 
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lb707 replied to Bellagirl31's response:
I know it is very hard to find the right treatment.....be it supplements, meds or things like acupuncture etc. It takes balance and patience.

I always tended to go strictly alternative until a very good therapist sent to a Psychiatrist to find out why I am so med sensitive. She was able to come up with a plan and help me realize smaller doses of everything is what I need. This even goes for supplements.

Life goes on you just have to tweak it a little and that is hard. We just want to wake up with no pain and no fatigue. It is a learning process that takes time and support/

So very sorry for your frustration and suffering

laurab
 
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1wareaglefan replied to lb707's response:
Yes, I hope you're feeling better today. I understand about venting from frustration and pain!!! It does take time and patience to discover the plan for you, like Laura said. And since we tend to be med-sensitive, it's especially difficult.

But there's got to be help out there for you. I'm glad you have a doctor working on your meds.

Take care...Elizabeth
 
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fibrosux responded:
Hello Bellagirl,

I, as everyone here has stated have complete empathy for your situation. But, I beg of you, please never feel like giving up. Do everything in your power BUT give up.

Probably for the first time in your life you are going to need to be selfish! Take care of yourself, read everything you can from different sources. Find a Dr. you feel comfortable with and trust what he tells you. Try some alternative things like massage or accupuncture.

About a year ago I felt like I could no longer go on in the pain I was in. I did those things, I am on the appropriate amount of medications and pain medications and I go to therapy.

Please, take care of yourself!

Selena
 
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painfullyexhausted responded:
Denial is part of the process as is being ticked off at FM. Read Living with Fibromyalgia, it goes through the steps of being diagnosed, denial, and acceptance. It also has real stories of what other FM'ers have been through. I've been dealing with this for 10 yrs and I still haven't accepted it. I have my good days where I'm in control and nothing is going to hold me back even when I'm in so much pain and utterly exhausted but I also have my horrible days which sound about like what you said. I'm right there with you. Just this week I reached my breaking point (I also have chronic fatigue to deal with) and had a major melt down, for several days. I couldn't go on, I didn't want to go on, I was done. It's hard for others to get the big picture and most of them don't care to try so you do feel alone. I too have isolated myself for the most part, don't enjoy life because it is a pain, literally. I have 4 children and have to be on the go constantly and it wipes me out. The kids don't really understand so there is some guilt on my part, I do my best. I fortunately have a very supportive spouse that is my hero but I do worry that he will get sick of picking up the slack. I want you to know that I understand where you are right now, I visit that place more than I care to. I have to say that i just started posting though I've been reading for a long time and it's helpful to just be able to chat with others that understand and don't judge. I hope that you can find a friend that really gets it and you continue to chat. I would be a hypocrite if I tell you not to give up so I will just end this with you will have better days and feel in control even if it's short lived, it's a start. I wish you all the best
 
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painfullyexhausted responded:
Bellagirl, I forgot one thing (fibro fog), it's normal to have itchy skin and scratch. From what I've read, dry skin can be a part of FM as well as crazy nerves. I itch too !
 
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Margaret A Caudill-Slosberg, MD, PhD, MPH responded:
Bellagirl1, I am so glad you found the fibromyalgia community and I see the members have already been doing their cyber good works. Here you can vent and no one will judge you. And when the venting is over and you face another day it is important to be armed with the following: good information about fibro; tools that can support and comfort you; medications that might reduce your symptom flares; a routine exercise program; supports from family, friends, therapists, animals, religion or spiritual paths; and a purpose to live, be it a volunteer activity, caring for others, feeding the birds, seeing the joy in each new sunrise. Survival with a chronic disease is an active process and there is no one-way of succeeding. Make use of the tips from this website and the resources shared by its members. Best, Dr. Margaret
 
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Bellagirl31 replied to painfullyexhausted's response:
Dear Painful,

It has been a few days since I have been on here but I appreciate the honesty and the encouragement. Today has been a great day for me. Yesterday I went to the doctor and started a new cycle of a combination of different meds. She understands how much I am against narcotics and has found this combination that could very well help me. Last night, the first day of the new meds, I slept through the night. Even though I am adjusting to the medicine today, I am actually in very little pain. Yes still tired it is now the afternoon but my day has gone great so far and I do not have the thoughts of wanting things to end today, as the other meds did to me. Today is a the beginning of a new hope. We have planned out a natural all organic diet and I am now on supplements that have worked well also. I pray that this combo works and I will soon have more good days than bad. Wishing you the best.

Liz
 
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Bellagirl31 replied to painfullyexhausted's response:
My doctor saw the scars yesterday and suggested to use shea butter cream to soften my skin and the scarring hoping that they will lighten on my skin. So I went shopping, for the 10 minutes I was able to make through the mall, and found a all natural shea body butter from The Body Shop. I used that with the body wash last night and this morning and may I say WOW.


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