Fibromyalgia Community

was diagnosed with fibro about a yr ago , dec 2010 i was married to a amazing man , i have 2 children both girls 11 and 8 when i was first diagnosed i kept it a secret from my family my children saw the pain my husband saw the pain too he suffers from being a alcoholic in just 3 months i went threw a depression so bad i packed up my husband and he moved out due to could not care for my self let alone a alcoholic so then it was just me and my girls 1 month later i was bed bound due to the massive pain i packed them up and they moved into my parents house for the first time in my life i could not take care of anyone not even my self , it has been 6 months i deal with pain everyday my husband that i loved with all my heart is now soon my ex husband my chilrdren wake up everyday asking me are you in pain today becasue they know if i am they are on there own my parents dont understand what it feels like to be in so much pain for no reason they believe its all in my head , i now live with my x boyfriend who has taken full responsibility on taking care of me and my children yes its hard everyday but i understand some people are just not strong enough to deal with fibromialgia im sure not and im the one suffering from it , but with my x boyfriend he moved us into his house and takes care of all of us its getting easier but i went threw hell and im not alone i have meet many people with my same story

This is a good topic and one that many are probably thinking about before answering.

I am one of the fortunate ones whose marriage has survived. I've had FM since childhood but it didn't really affect me (it did, but I still had enough energy to be almost normal). However, the stress that came from being newly married, I think lowered my threshold for "pushing". So my full blown FM came about within the first year of my marriage.

My husband was the type that believed me, but didn't want me in pain. He firmly believed that there must be a pill or some simple solution out there. So there were definite periods where he thought I could be doing more to help myself --and he was probably right. We didn't have insurance for the first few years of our marriage and I knew that if I went to the doctor, they would order a bunch of tests and we'd be left with a huge bill and no answers. I eventually have found a precarious balance of meds and lifestyle choices that help me--and seeing me make the effort to get here, really helped my husband.

At the same time I was struggling with FM, my husband was struggling with bipolar 2. There have been some very painful years for both of us, emotionally and physically, but we've come through the other side. The fact that he also deals with something that can be unpredictable and something some people say "just get over", has helped a lot.

So in our twenties, we dealt with both of us having illnesses--something people usually deal with much older. As a blessing in disguise, this has made us both more empathetic and patient with each other and other people. Now in our thirties, I think both of us look forward to "living" a little more.

It's still not easy. We both still struggle. But I am thankful so some of the qualities I have been able to develop.

As far as other relationships, I would say the FM has had little to no effect. I am blessed to have many good friends who, even if they're thinking something, don't say anything negative to me. Most of the time, I don't talk about the FM to my friends, anyway, so it's not a big issue. I sometimes get the impression that they don't understand and maybe wonder why I need so much "rest". But, none of us here truly understand FM either. It tests our patience, makes us sad, angry, and frustrated. I can't expect out of my friends/family what I don't expect out of myself.

I would definitely say it has had a negative efffect regarding my personal relationship. I hate the pain and no energy thing. This equals withdrawl on both sides... My friends and family have always accepted whatever was going on, now there was just a official title to it... I would lay down after family get-togethers, would try to show up at least even when disabled with a migraine, politely decline events, etc. I'm at a new job but there are some co-workers catching on quick and can tell when I don't feel good. Of course it helps that I am in the healthcare/insurance field and they recognize issues! I do not have any children for various reasons, but can honestly say I don't know if I could care for them properly, especially because I feel like i'm on a one way st with s.o. and of course my bipolar-like body Lol.
I try to stay positive with music, my Maine Coons, (my charger and stereo system) cartoons/art, natural /alternative remedies/ yoga,etc.
I started recognizing my boundaries and limits awhile ago.
Still searching for relief but refuse to possibly become a vegetable on pain pills! I am highly concerned about that.
I try to maintain the Dragon with accupuncture, 5Htp, and other vits or supps, healthy eating, etc.. I use flexeril sparingly. Also trying phentermine for some weight loss.
Gentle hugs to all!

No one knows I was dxd with Fibro. My PCP at the time told me don't let it control your life.I refuse to miss things or events, if I am not running a fever or throwing up I will be there...

I will go to lunch with co-workers or dinner with co-workers or neighbors if I am invited.

I don't discuss medical health issues with anyone, except on a need to know basis & most don't need to know..

I have it easy though unlike most. I have anywhere from 3-4 evenings totally alone through out the week after work. Husband travels for work & 18yr old graduating this year from HS & he works most evenings & is getting ready to move out on June 1 to become independent.....yeah....(course we are paying for college..)..

If I am having a bad day I stay at my desk & make myself busy with work so my co workers know I am only busy with work & not ask questions...

For me it is staying positive & the it could be worse scenario..and it is what it is....

Thanks to those of you who have responded so far sharing your own relationship stories regarding having FM.

I'm glad to see that, for some, having this ended up strengthening at least some relationships.

Oh Honey! Let me count the ways! OK, with FRIENDS!!! I live in a Golf Resort on a local lake with mostly retirees as residents.
I play MahJong twice a week. Fibrofog (everpresent) has caused an issue in one of my groups. Lately one member has been complaining about how long it takes for me to assess my hand @ the beginning of play. Being already concious of, & yet sensitive about my slowed mental processing, I didn't reply to her comments which began as little "Jokes" & escalated over time to what I fealt was marginally insulting my intelligence. I truly dislike public discussions of my ailments for fear of being labled a whining hypochondriac. However, I had previously explained that I have the condition & also about the symptomatic "Fibrofog". Still the insults were so bad @ our last game day that it sent me into a mega-flare that lasted 3 days. As soon as my hands could stand to type I emailed her my explaination & begged her tolerance. She replied with a breif apology & stated she understands, as she also has Fibro but doesn't exhibit "fog" but has ocassional "brain *****". Even though; while I believe I have "FIBRO"........ & she very well may have "fibro" - the apology is none-the-less accepted & I will continue to play as I feel I need & will benefit from the mental exercise. This is testimony to the issues we all face as patient's of any Invisible illnesses.
Explaining to my young great-grandson's why I need to do art projects with them instead of playing ball is equally challenging.
I asume, throughout medical history; the patients that pioneer any "invisible ilness" experience the same or similar challenges. Hopefully the pain, whether physical or emotional can be lessened by knowing you may have helped pave the way for more & better understanding & recognition of Fibromyalgia & most importantly the very needed funding for research & development in our arena.
As far as the positives?....I must humbly admit, I'm still working on those.
Meanwhile, "Let's all dance with the one that brung us"!!!

fibromyalgia has dim my relationship, it hurts for anyone to touch me
it hard to do house work of anykind. i get lost of words to say as well , but it is life now i deal with it day by day there a new issue i dont know if it due to fibromyalgia or not but my leftside is numb, mri show no stroke or ms

I was diagnosed with this just in december of 2011. It has affected all aspects of my life. I struggle to understand it and wonder if new symptoms that show are related. Not only do I have this I am suffering from diabetes, high blood pressure, BPPV, and depression. I have had to change my lifestyle in many ways. I recently lost my job due these illnesses. This has not set well with me, as I have worked since I was 15. I feel I am too young to not be able to support myself and my family. I am only 32 and hope to be able to manage symptoms better so I can live a more "normal" life.
On a better note, I feel it has pulled my family tighter, I am married and have four children. They are all very supportive!
I have to say for myself it is a personal struggle everyday. I try to stay positive and am so thankful for the support of extended family and friends.
My mom also has FM and is very helpful on my not so good days. Therefore I feel it has made our already strong bond, stronger.

I was diagnosed almost 2 years ago, and my symptoms are mild in comparison to many on this site. At the time of my diagnosis, I had been married for almost 3 years (2nd time for both of us). My husband is a true knight in shining armor: what can he do to help, suggesting that it would be okay if I retired (not gonna happen), etc. I think our relationship got stronger. I do not have children but my husband has 3. The youngest (21 now) and I are pretty close, and when he is home (Marine currently in Afghanistan), he becomes a mother hen, telling my to not do this, don't lift that. It is very sweet, but I have to ask him what does he think I do when he isn't here?

My coworkers are mostly great. One is a 'I never get sick" type, and although I think she believes I over-react, she is great to work with and will even listen to me gripe from time to time. Most everyone else is super supportive and will offer to do things for me or even yell at me to not do something:). I do not keep my diagnosis a secret because I find it easier not to, and it helps me to be able to talk about it with others.

My extended family and friends are supportive, too. Again my family is of the mindset you work through whatever, so they don't cut me any slack, which is a good thing! I will however ask them for help as I need to, and it is never denied.

Overall, I believe sharing my FM diagnosis with people has strengthened relationships and made me more aware of how far people are willing to go to be there for me. That's nice.
Pam in Savannah