Dating and Fibromyalgia
Caprice_WebMD_Staff posted:
We've often talked here about how having Fibromyalgia can impact our various relationships (romantic or otherwise) but we've rarely talked about what it's like to be single and in chronic pain and/or disabled.
Have you been in that position and how did you go about finding someone to be part of your life? Are you honest about what you deal with right from the start or do you ease into that slowly? If you've not been in this position yourself, what advice would you give to those who are?
Have you been in that position and how did you go about finding someone to be part of your life? Are you honest about what you deal with right from the start or do you ease into that slowly? If you've not been in this position yourself, what advice would you give to those who are?
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell
6 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Dating and FibromyalgiaWe've often talked here about how having Fibromyalgia can impact our various relationships (romantic or otherwise) but we've rarely talked about what it's like to be single and in chronic pain and/or disabled. <br /><br />Have you been in that position and how did you go about finding someone to be part of your life? Are you honest about what you deal with right from the start or do you ease into that slowly? If you've not been in this position yourself, what advice would you give to those who are?
rj1600 responded:
i'm replying to bump this post up, interested in seeing some responses
Report This| Share this:Dating and Fibromyalgiai'm replying to bump this post up, interested in seeing some responses
Anon_2912 responded:
Well my husband and I are not the norm I guess. Going on 24yrs together & medical issues are just not really spoken about unless it is a life or death situation. It goes both ways. I am very private when it comes to my medical issues & well he is a guy and will never admit it..
I think i get it from my mom...never a complaint..& she had 15 kids...picked cotton during the early pregnancies...her last birth she was 44yrs old & not once did I ever hear her complain.
My dad was the same way. Never ever complained about any medical issue or pain.
I think i get it from my mom...never a complaint..& she had 15 kids...picked cotton during the early pregnancies...her last birth she was 44yrs old & not once did I ever hear her complain.
My dad was the same way. Never ever complained about any medical issue or pain.
Report This| Share this:Dating and FibromyalgiaWell my husband and I are not the norm I guess. Going on 24yrs together & medical issues are just not really spoken about unless it is a life or death situation. It goes both ways. I am very private when it comes to my medical issues & well he is a guy and will never admit it..<br /> <br />I think i get it from my mom...never a complaint..& she had 15 kids...picked cotton during the early pregnancies...her last birth she was 44yrs old & not once did I ever hear her complain. <br /> <br />My dad was the same way. Never ever complained about any medical issue or pain.
I wouldn't open up the first conversation with I am disabled or in pain. That should not be your identity. The more that I am able to ignore my pain, the more I am able to focus on my life and what I really want to do, which is darn little because of all my disabilities.
But eventually, you do need to be honest with someone about your limitations because they will have a huge impact on the relationship. Some people will warm up to someone who has a positive attitude, but is disabled. They like to be helpful to someone else. So never think of yourself as someone who no one would want.
My husband and I have also been together for 24 years, but I have to be honest with him about my pain levels when they get severe, or when my illnesses cause limitations to my activities. That's the only way that my husband can understand why I can't go somewhere with him. I have fibromyalgia, far worse are my 24/7 migraines, pain from my stroke, and many, many other illnesses and disabilities. I can only function about 8 hours a day, and some days I can't be out of bed much at all. My husband has been very understanding and I feel a lot of support and caring from him. Those guys and women are out there.
But eventually, you do need to be honest with someone about your limitations because they will have a huge impact on the relationship. Some people will warm up to someone who has a positive attitude, but is disabled. They like to be helpful to someone else. So never think of yourself as someone who no one would want.
My husband and I have also been together for 24 years, but I have to be honest with him about my pain levels when they get severe, or when my illnesses cause limitations to my activities. That's the only way that my husband can understand why I can't go somewhere with him. I have fibromyalgia, far worse are my 24/7 migraines, pain from my stroke, and many, many other illnesses and disabilities. I can only function about 8 hours a day, and some days I can't be out of bed much at all. My husband has been very understanding and I feel a lot of support and caring from him. Those guys and women are out there.
Report This| Share this:Dating and FibromyalgiaI wouldn't open up the first conversation with I am disabled or in pain. That should not be your identity. The more that I am able to ignore my pain, the more I am able to focus on my life and what I really want to do, which is darn little because of all my disabilities. <br /> <br />But eventually, you do need to be honest with someone about your limitations because they will have a huge impact on the relationship. Some people will warm up to someone who has a positive attitude, but is disabled. They like to be helpful to someone else. So never think of yourself as someone who no one would want.<br /> <br />My husband and I have also been together for 24 years, but I have to be honest with him about my pain levels when they get severe, or when my illnesses cause limitations to my activities. That's the only way that my husband can understand why I can't go somewhere with him. I have fibromyalgia, far worse are my 24/7 migraines, pain from my stroke, and many, many other illnesses and disabilities. I can only function about 8 hours a day, and some days I can't be out of bed much at all. My husband has been very understanding and I feel a lot of support and caring from him. Those guys and women are out there.
Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to itmatsb's response:
Great advice, Itmatsb! Thanks to you and others for responding on this thread.
We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. ~Joseph Campbell
Report This| Share this:Dating and FibromyalgiaGreat advice, Itmatsb! Thanks to you and others for responding on this thread.
Oh it's not that my husband would not understand or be supportive. He has helped me heal back from many surgeries & still loves me despite what graves/hyper did to my looks.
I am just a private person when it comes to pain. My pain is not to where it will stop me from doing things. I still work 40 hrs week, still clean house, do laundry, we have a sex life.
I don't know, we are both that way. I don't even like my husband going to dr. appointments with me. Don't get me wrong he has been to the serious ones. But Fibro pain to me is not a life/death issue.
I really don't think about Fibro, I just know I have painful muscles/bone pain, I guess I look at it as a lot of people are pain for one reason or another so why whine about it.
I am just a private person when it comes to pain. My pain is not to where it will stop me from doing things. I still work 40 hrs week, still clean house, do laundry, we have a sex life.
I don't know, we are both that way. I don't even like my husband going to dr. appointments with me. Don't get me wrong he has been to the serious ones. But Fibro pain to me is not a life/death issue.
I really don't think about Fibro, I just know I have painful muscles/bone pain, I guess I look at it as a lot of people are pain for one reason or another so why whine about it.
Report This| Share this:Dating and FibromyalgiaOh it's not that my husband would not understand or be supportive. He has helped me heal back from many surgeries & still loves me despite what graves/hyper did to my looks. <br /> <br />I am just a private person when it comes to pain. My pain is not to where it will stop me from doing things. I still work 40 hrs week, still clean house, do laundry, we have a sex life.<br /> <br />I don't know, we are both that way. I don't even like my husband going to dr. appointments with me. Don't get me wrong he has been to the serious ones. But Fibro pain to me is not a life/death issue. <br /> <br />I really don't think about Fibro, I just know I have painful muscles/bone pain, I guess I look at it as a lot of people are pain for one reason or another so why whine about it.
KatmanduLou responded:
Hi Caprice!
My DH has been supportive from the get-go. He's the one who surfed the web, forwarded articles and links to websites, and made dinner after dinner. I have always been honest about my pain and discomfort level, and I do as much as I can. After 29 years of marriage, we've been through a lot. We don't have kids, but we do have a big goofy dog who loves to shed and watch me slip on dig fur rolling around the house like tumbleweeds. And she's not helpful. LOL
Most family members are pretty good when I tell them I'm having a bad day, some of the young ones will sit next to me, rub my arm or leg (that can be pretty funny), and ask if that makes me feel better. What can I say? I tell them yes or no, but they try and that has to count for something. The ones who don't get it, I have written off; I don't need the toxicity in my life.
As for "outsiders" I bring it up if it's the right time. I know I have friends who don't know. I was having a bad day earlier this year, and blurted it out in a board meeting for a NPO I belong to. It was the right time because they thought I had a headache and kept offering Tylenol.
We each have our own ways of coping in order to have an outside life, some people cope better than others. You know that this is different for everyone.
Lou
My DH has been supportive from the get-go. He's the one who surfed the web, forwarded articles and links to websites, and made dinner after dinner. I have always been honest about my pain and discomfort level, and I do as much as I can. After 29 years of marriage, we've been through a lot. We don't have kids, but we do have a big goofy dog who loves to shed and watch me slip on dig fur rolling around the house like tumbleweeds. And she's not helpful. LOL
Most family members are pretty good when I tell them I'm having a bad day, some of the young ones will sit next to me, rub my arm or leg (that can be pretty funny), and ask if that makes me feel better. What can I say? I tell them yes or no, but they try and that has to count for something. The ones who don't get it, I have written off; I don't need the toxicity in my life.
As for "outsiders" I bring it up if it's the right time. I know I have friends who don't know. I was having a bad day earlier this year, and blurted it out in a board meeting for a NPO I belong to. It was the right time because they thought I had a headache and kept offering Tylenol.
We each have our own ways of coping in order to have an outside life, some people cope better than others. You know that this is different for everyone.
Lou
Report This| Share this:Dating and FibromyalgiaHi Caprice!<br />My DH has been supportive from the get-go. <i>He's</i> the one who surfed the web, forwarded articles and links to websites, and made dinner after dinner. I have always been honest about my pain and discomfort level, and I do as much as I can. After 29 years of marriage, we've been through a lot. We don't have kids, but we do have a big goofy dog who loves to shed and watch me slip on dig fur rolling around the house like tumbleweeds. And she's <u>not</u> helpful. LOL<br /><br />Most family members are pretty good when I tell them I'm having a bad day, some of the young ones will sit next to me, rub my arm or leg (that can be pretty funny), and ask if that makes me feel better. What can I say? I tell them yes or no, but they try and that has to count for something. The ones who don't get it, I have written off; I don't need the toxicity in my life.<br /><br />As for "outsiders" I bring it up if it's the right time. I know I have friends who don't know. I was having a bad day earlier this year, and blurted it out in a board meeting for a NPO I belong to. It was the right time because they thought I had a headache and kept offering Tylenol.<br /><br />We each have our own ways of coping in order to have an outside life, some people cope better than others. You know that this is different for everyone.<br />Lou
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