OMG...it is here (for now) this whole week will be cool and rain free and beautiful.....the flowers are finishing their display for the season and the insects are gathering for the winter....all my plants are chewed!
The lawns are still good as we had amazing amounts of rain this years again. So green is still all around. But brisk has come. Windows open and the hope of a mental recharge is put out there.
I am struggling with old pain....It returned after the wedding and I have not figured the tool to control it. In fact last night I had my head turned too much for a continued time and the muscles of my dang neck....the scalenes (my nemesis) went into spasm and i couldn't swallow...I jumped up and got the heating pad on it...stretched and tried to relieve it. NOPE.
SLEPT IN THE RECLINER. I couldn't lay down without choking.
THIS IS OLD PAIN. I had this in the beginning of my diagnosis......
So, I am on notice with my body to CUT IT OUT...rest and play by the rules now and try to mend. I am regretful each morning when I awake as I can't walk on my feet either. OLD PAIN.....(bought new shoes times 2 and no difference, had a foot massage yesterday...watching fro feeling i had there and nope..no help)
I am discouraged..........but you all know I have been at this a long time. I guess just frustrated at how badly I have lost ground. The pain is about a 8-9/10 in the morning and I have to will myself out of bed, more then usual......I even have the headache this a.m. and I did NOTHING YESTERDAY. To do nothing on a beautiful day is SO hard on the head.
Today I have Sunday dinner with the girls...I am NOT GOING to lift Madelyn....BIG TRIGGER. I will position myself to the inside of the table so it is a non issue.....Dang it. I hate this mess I am in......
Actually the mess we are ALL IN. I wish I had the brilliance to figure it out fo us and maybe if someone does they get a NOBLE PRIZE!
OK, I am off the soap box, I needed a rant to dump this here....it has been a long time since I needed to cry on the board. I am 20lbs up from my loss of 50 lbs and mad at myself for the indulgences I allowed and I stopped dancing on the trampoline and walking.....
I have promised myself once out of the pit I am in, I will get back to GOOD HABITS....no one will care for me if I don't care for me*.

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Man, I feel lousy sitting and reading this....my head, right neck, right arm and legs....crap*.
As always...Carpe diem. Get your boxing gloves on, we have a fight ahead of us for a day to remember....for me...iPad in the sun and then off to dinner...........Take care. Nancy B

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