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My husband does not support me in any way
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crystalgreeneyes posted:
My husband of 30 years does not support me physically, or emotionally. We just exist together, not even talking now after 30 years. I am going through hell with all of this and I understand there are many women here who are experiencing this same issue. The few that say that their husband is right there by their side at the doctor's appts., the tests, the experiencing of new drugs etc. are so fortunate. I was all prepared to end my marriage last year but I decided after being (finally) diagnosed with fibro. that I would be alone,and unable to support myself, without medical benefits. I don't have many friends and my family is out of my life as well. All I can say now is that I truly, truly regret my decision to stay here with him. I have come to hate him and being alone somewhere with no one, even without a lot of money would be preferable to what I endure now. Apart from the pain, which I still haven't been able to manage, I am depressed, unable to work and with no money of my own. I got into debt because I thought buying things would make me feel better and now I am literally paying the price for that. We barely speak to each other, he never asks how I am doing or if he can help. We have no social life and there's not a thing to look forward to like a vacation or an evening out. Financially, it's difficult but even the tightest budget should allow for entertainment funds. I am not asking for 5 star restaurants. My house used to be so sparkling clean that you could eat off the floor! Now I look at the dust and I cry. I cry when I see babies and little children, older people and families together laughing. I have tried so many drugs and have not found a thing that helps. I put a smile of my face for my daughter. I read a lot and I walk when it's warm enough. Every day I ask "what is the point of this?". Every day I get up and it's the same thing..
I understand and sympathize with all of you who are going through this. Yes, therapy is good, I am looking for someone but my husband "doesn't believe in that stuff". Last year I didn't feel as bad as I do now and I keep thinking I should have followed through because I would have been better off. Who can say? It's so difficult in so many ways.
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foreversore responded:
I really feel for you and the situation you are in. Have you applied for SSD/SSI? It is a long and drawn out process. I applied 5 months ago and still don't have a yes or no answer yet. If you were to apply and be approved (don't give up even if you have to appeal) you will have your own income. It won't be much but it would be enough for you to be on your own if you lived frugally.

Since he is so blind to your illness he doesn't realize that the stress he is putting you through actually worsens your symptoms. Go ahead and get therapy for yourself. In addition to venting here it will give you yet another outlet to purge yourself of the emotional pain you are going through.

I really wish there was more advice I could give you or more I could do to help you on a personal level. While I am in a good marriage now I know what its like to be in a bad one. Do realize that we are here for you and you can vent to us all you need to in order to destress.
 
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Anon_2912 responded:
If the option of you leaving as you had planned earlier on is still available, I would.

Your stressor marriage is adding to the pain physically & mentally.
 
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mpathia responded:
We all have the dust bunnies. Mine are the size of James Stewart's friend, "Harvey"... I suspect you are a type "A" personality...people who are generally termed as hard workers and value their performance and determination, etc... that's a tough one to tackle. Actually, research has shown that most sufferers of Fibro/Immune Disorders have a type "A" personality. We, as women, have a very hard time dealing with issues regarding our past performances to being able to juggle everything from work outside the home to inside.
Answers? No one answer is available. But, try to use your personality traits to guide you through. You have it inside of you, but right now, it's too hard to access. If you feel therapy would help, you can go alone. It won't change your husband's attitudes, but it may make it easier for you to live with them. Just an observation... (no offense to men...). We are the gatherers, they are the hunters. Which, simply means, WE are usually the sex that cares about our home's cleanliness. Also, fight or flight becomes an issue in any debilitating illness. You WILL lose family and friend's support... It's sometimes easier to turn away from people if you can't "deal" with their problems and it's not entirely their fault, they just don't know how to "cope" or feel helpless to aid you in your situation; thus, they may just find it easier to not deal with the issue at all. It is not YOU they don't care to deal with, but the "issues" you are unfortunately going through.
Prayers are with you.

"Who can say?"... is a good step "forward"... the past is the past...we have no control over that, any longer...we can learn from it, but don't "carry" it as a burden. Take "Baby Steps...You can see you have support here... I wish you luck. #000
 
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armouredsaintsbabydoll responded:
I understand how you feel. I was recently diagnosed with fibro but after the long journey of ruling everything out. My husband is not understanding at all either so I feel your pain. He expects me to go like he does and I just can't. It's an issue to the point that I've had to quit my 100K plus job and stay at home. There's times I can tell he resents me for this and thinks I'm just being lazy. I'm to the point of leaving too but financially I'm stuck like you. Disability is an option but I'm use to a much different lifestyle of having what I need so I'm scared but it's gotten to the point that I don't care anymore. I would rather be alone then live with someone that doesn't love me enough to try and understand this hell that I'm going through with my body. As much as I hate to hear what you're going through, the fact that someone else understands what I'm feeling is helpful to me. Thanks for sharing your story. Thoughts and prayers are with you.
 
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crystalgreeneyes replied to armouredsaintsbabydoll's response:
Hello armoured..Thank you so much for your response. I used to have a high-paying job too and I know my husband resents me for the fact that we don't have a second income. We are struggling because of this. He had to look for another job at age 54, after owning his own company and I sympathised with him as he sat here day after day, depressed and angry until finally, after I begged a friend of his to help out, he was offered a low paying job.
I have disability pension but I am paying off some debt and that is hugely stressful. If you are eligible for disability, you should apply. It is helpful to have at least this small amount. After I pay each month, I save every penny. It's easier after a time and I think that having "things" doesn't really matter so much anymore. I can't wear $300. high heel shoes anymore anyway, so what's the point?
If I could have anything back it would be the love and support of my husband and daughter and my ability to work. I mourn for the person I used to be and perhaps they do too.
My husband works full time and still complains about everything. I have spent days in bed with no one checking on me. My husband's main concern that no dinner was prepared. When he had low back pain a few years ago, he complained night and day and I stuck with him but he spent the money to get chiro. treatments every week for a year or more. He doesn't "believe" in anti-depressants and therapy and wouldn't spend the money if I could get him to go.
This is a very hard road especially in the sense that very few seem to understand. I have so much anger over what I have lost. I say what I feel here on this forum because it helps to get out some of the feelings of helplessness and frustration and my heart goes out to everyone who is experiencing not only the physical pain but the emotional impact of it.
Thoughts and prayers to you as well.


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