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How do you accept your own limitations...
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crystallou01 posted:
Hello to all of you,
It seems that I always only write in the wee hours of the morning, but thats the only time I have access to the internet. It is so inspiring to be able to look online and read about other peoples struggles with Fibromyalgia. The reason I'm writing tonight is because I was wondering how do you all accept your own limitations...I mean, honestly, I haven't really figured mine out yet. I have always had a very strong will and I am so used to pushing past my limitations...that I can't seem to stop myself from getting angry and bitter because I spend so much of my time hurting...and when I'm not hurting I spend so much of my time "pretending" that I'm not hurting, so that my family won't feel bad. Im absolutely sick and tired of hurting and yet I cant seem to do any little thing anymore without really regretting it. Is it this way for everyone else? How have you learned to manage it? I'm so sorry for complaining and whining so much---I just don't know what to do anymore. Its as if I can't have any more happy moments because they are all weighed down with pain...that stupid deep pain that is always there.Any advice at all is welcome.
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booch007 responded:
Well you are full of great questions....

It is 15 years or better I think now and I am still fighting my limitations. Not accepting this as the way it will always be.

I am so much better. I used to tell everyone here " I will never take off my boxing gloves fighting this!"...but this year I said...
"I am begining to learn to "dance" with the dragon we have with us each day.

Calling this a dragon is about right, not too dramatic....mine is lavender in color and cartoonlike yet pointy teeth to bite in the morning. Every morning I awake with him at my side, sometimes really holding me captive and others....just rubbing upside me enough and I get coffee and my meds and sit here with you til the meds free my muscles.

The distraction of the computer added to my meds is my morning therapy. Then shower and stretch and off to work.

Acceptance may never come. Frustration and the making of my world different to accomodate this has been challenging. I have friends that say I use this to be homebound..... They are the ones not understanding...

I have a big problem with " the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" I think of all kinds of things I want to do and I know I can't really get there.....yesterday was such a day. So beautiful out and leaf peeping up in the mountains was where hundreds of people were. I was up in the mountains in a car....I was dying to be out, BUT I knew I needed to be home and continue the things that I pace through over the weekend and the transition to fall. I had to bargain with the dragon for the day of events i did.

Life is a compromise now...or you can argue and then pay the piper after and it may go well.....but pay you must.

I had my GC over for Sunday dinner...a house full. I am hurting today again and it was worth it. Today I pace and plan and get the rest of my stuff ready for the week ahead.

"A Dance" it is a dance with this dragon and you need to learn the steps for you.

And you will...you are asking such great questions, you will figure you out quickly. Plus you found this site! I was deep into this by the time I found this page and made life long friends years ago.

Hugs from me, NancyB
 
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jillylin responded:
Hi,
I am struggling badly with accepting my limitations. I am ( or was ) a ballet dancer and used to pushing my body and enduring pain for the payback of being able to dance. Now I struggle and push to keep going because I don't know how not to do it. I really understand the frustration. I think it takes time and I suppose we have to go through the grieving process, just like a bereavement.. It's certainly a challenge to accept what is now the new 'normal'
Hugs
Jillyx
 
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jillylin replied to booch007's response:
NancyB,
what a wonderful quote.

A Dance" it is a dance with this dragon and you need to learn the steps for you.



I love this and am putting it on post it notes around my home and work.
Hugs
Jillyxx
 
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ccalifornia2 replied to booch007's response:
Oh my goodness Booch007 you said that perfect,I love the way you described that drangon.That sounds just like me I have only danced with the dragon for four years know and im so tired of him.I have so many things in life i still want to do and having to pay the piper wasnt one of them but I will continue to pay him each day as Im not ready to let that dragon win.I thank god each day for meds or he would win.
soft hugs back at ya.
DEDRA W
 
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KMT333 responded:
I am right there with you all. Thanks so much for writing. It has been good to read that others are facing the same struggles as me - although i wouldnt wish this on anyone.
 
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dakotaspirit1957 responded:
Hi.. This has been on my mind so much lately.. I have gone thru a bad time with all of my illnesses.. but especially my mental illnesses and they really screw up my acceptance and my ability to stay with in the positive in my life... And no matter how bad I get there is always some positive.. Somewhere... Sometimes it just takes longer to gather the strength to look for it and longer to open my eyes to see it...

I wake every morning barely moving and in so much pain I cry out just trying to move... Sometimes I am so into my Parkinson's Dance I have a hard time Dancing with the dragon... {I truly love that analogy...}

I was seen the other day by my counselor and I was in tears... It was one of the few times I was on a bipolar manic low and just couldn't stop crying... I couldn't stop thinking... I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired... There is too much pain to deal with anymore... I am tired of hearing are you alright and I understand... When I don't think anyone can truly understand what all this illness does to me... I was evil... Couldn't see any hope anymore... I was surprised I had the strength to reach out.. but I know suicidal feelings were right there within reach and I couldn't reach that far or I would have been truly lost...

I think I reached out here... Yeh this was the first place I came... Then the tears were flowing so bad I had to hide... I can't stand appearing weak and that is how I felt... I felt hopeless... But I made the rare phone call to my counselor and luckily she could see me...

First thing she asked was if I was crying because I was in pain... I told her I didn't know what hurt worse my physical pain which was unbearable... Or my spiritual/mental illness pain I couldn't explain to her for it hurt so bad... I told her I just wanted to give up and not feel anymore... I wasn't suicidal yet but it was close...

I had lost the hope not that things would get better for there isn't much hope for that in my situation.. But the hope to find me in all the mess again... I needed to know I still existed in all this... and I was so depressed I couldn't...

I live to accept myself first and then the life I have been given... When my mental illness, or sometimes just a few bad pain days... Or talking to the Dr's that tell me I am doing all we can do... It is wait and see now... When this steps in my way... I lose some strength to go on... to face each moment as I should,.. To accept me... and love me beyond my FM... my RSD... my MS... my Parkinson's.. my Mental illnesses..

I don't have days I can get up and TRY to accept me and my life... I have to DO IT... Every day... day after day... MOMENT BY MOMENT...

No it isn't easy... I had dreams... But I can still have dreams... So I don't own a big business and I'm not making lots of money... Today I think I can dream a bigger dream... I can take all this evil inside me and turn it into good... I can reach out and help others... I can accept others better now then I did before I became ill... Even those who don't believe in me... And yes there are plenty of those...

And first and foremost... I can find acceptance and love in my heart for myself and others that took so very long to become real to me... Moment by moment... day by day... My life is mine again today... not like a few days ago when I couldn't stop crying...

YOU are YOU... dig deep and accept and love you for who you are... Take the pain and disappointments moment by moment... Look for the hope and goodness that is still there in your life... Acceptance is easier with my Lord... And He walks closer to me daily...

Love... Jan/Dakota
 
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ctbeth replied to dakotaspirit1957's response:
Hi Jan,

That's interesting the phrase, "Dancing with the dragon".

I live with chronic pain from spinal cord injury.

I used to say that this was, "dancing with the devil".

My bf corrected me saying,

"You're not dancing with the devil; the devil is dancing with you".

I am so sorry that you're having such a tough time right now.

Never lose hope.

xoxo,

Bet
 
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dakotaspirit1957 replied to ctbeth's response:
the Dancing with the Dragon phrase came from our dear NancyB... up above... I find it very fitting too... Nancy is so cool at explaining things... Her analogies are great... I think I got that right lol... {analogies right lol... I wasn't number one in English... I could write up a storm if I could use my own style but tell me I had to use a preposition and I flunked lol....}

Just didn't want to take credit for someone elses great idea lol...

Have a great day... Love... Jan/Dakota
 
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spiderslayer responded:
Wow...accepting my limitations...now there is a goal for me. I have been fighting this for so long...my husband is the one who has to restrict me as to what I am"allowed" to do. I am only "allowed " to do 10 minutes of housework per day. I am NOT "Allowed" to shower when he isn't home..(.I have fallen several times and our nearest neighbor is more than 2 miles away and he works 1 1/2 hours away) I am "allowed" to go to the mall, either with him or friends...IF I promise to use my Handicapped Placard, and rest every 10 minutes....the list goes on and on. He is not trying to take the fun or joy from my life...and he is not trying to boss me or be restrictive...he is just trying to help with my flare ups. I swear...sometimes he knows my body better than I do. He can walk in the house after work, take one look at my eyes and know I have overdone. I have issues with setting my own restrictions..so he has finally taken over:)

Most people will see me as complaining about this, but truly I am not. We have been together 20 yrs, and married for 17. This man has seen me through health issues and personal issues that would send a less strong man running the opposite direction before you can say boo. I am thankful to have him in my life...and in a lot of ways, the restrictions he has given me help more than they annoy me ( except the one with the shower...but I do understand his reasoning)
 
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An_248463 responded:


I know what you mean about always feeling sunburned. I don't get sun burn. Never had it before. I am African-American. Everything hurts that touch me, or when I touch it. My clothes and even the shower hurts!
I am thankful God had given me the courage to press on. This whole fibro thing hurt relationships. Don't know about mine anymore. The other half have been through a lot with me.

I am a totaly different person. I feel like I pretend to be ok, when I'm not even with medication. The rest of the time I am in terrible pain. Can't even think sometimes. Just in a fog. Try to shake it off. So, I feel you. Yes it does make you angry. Especially when you don't have anyone to talk to. Don't have any friends outside of work. Don't like to make plans because I never know how I'm going to feel. Hang in there. That's all I know to say. Don't have an answer.

God Bless
 
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Angelfeather responded:
Fibromyalgia has stolen my life, stolen my joy, stolen any fun I had in life, stolen any chance of having a relationship. I have no limitations anymore because I can't do anything anymore. Today I got up and made scrambled eggs, and tea and that used up all the energy I woke up with today. Now I am back in bed for the rest of the day, no energy, in horrible pain, while the rest of my family is kayaking and skiing at the lake. This is how it will be for me for the rest of my life. I HATE fibromyalgia.
 
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dollbug replied to Angelfeather's response:
Hello angelfeather and welcome....do not think I have *talked* to you....MiMi in NC....yes, I do agree, the wrath of the dragon, aka FM STINKS....and we have to figure out what will help us cope better....I am sure that there is something that will help you cope better....you just have to find out what works for you. I know exactly what you mean about the energy....I also have the chronic fatigue and there are days when I can do hardly anything....except just what I must do...(personal care). I have not found anything yet which has helped this ....but I continue to research and try different things. Mary found a link about Vitamin B 1 where a study had been done and when taken in mega dose it did help. I have just started my Vitamin B 1....so I guess I will find out if it will work for me.

I would like to make you aware of staying in bed though....this might be one of the *worse* things that you can do....you should get up and at least have a comfortable place to rest....(I have my recliner)....and I have pillows in the recliner so I actually have pillows which allow me to sit up more. We, FMers, need to move....it doesn't really matter how fast or slow just keep moving....(I have found out that this helps lessen the pain that I have).

I would also encourage you to be sure and get your Vitamin D and Vitamin B s checked....speak to your doctor about this. A lot of people have issues with both and I do know that Vitamin D make a difference in my pain level as well. I have also just discovered that I am one of the people who does not process Vitamin B 6 as well....I have had all sorts of major issues with lower back pain and the doctors could not tell me what I could do to help it. Well....my daughter was listening to a local doctor on Fox Channel one day and she was talking about Morton's Toe and what she had learned from a medical seminar recently....anyway, my daughter decided that what they were saying fit me in a lot of ways....I have had issues with carpal tunnel and kidney stones and lower back pain as well....(these were some of the symptoms) I have just taken up my first bottle of P5P (which is a processed form of Vitamin B 6) and I have found that it does indeed work for my back pain.

You have to learn how to pace, pace and pace even more. I hope you will check our the info under *tips* and *resources* that you will find here...and be sure and review the *member toolbox*...where you will perhaps find some good *tools* that you might try as well.

It does take a trial and error process....since we are all different...but I am sure you will soon find something that will work for you as well.

Take care and good luck.


MiMi
IN GOD WE TRUST....MAY GOD BLESS AND GUIDE AMERICA....

 
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missist replied to dollbug's response:
I think you have to accept your limits daily.

Its not a one time thing.

In principal--I accepted long ago that I was not going to have the life I expected--and I accepted that this was God's will for me.

However it is hard to 're-accept' every day. As a Christian we think of it in terms of 'picking up your cross' and following Jesus--who gave up his life-- literally for us.

I don't know, how I would have handled this aside from that. I'm sure I would have ended up divorced about 200 times. Dodged that one.

Been married almost 33 years now. So basically I got fibro, the best I can tell about 4 years after we married.

Pain was the worst part early on--but it is not as bad anymore--Thank God! I can relate to the idea of staying in bed all day, sometimes I did--especially when I was pregnant.

These days there is still a lot of 'giving up my life' cuz my abilities are so tiny compared to my ideas.

I think though it is working out better for me as I seriously pace myself. i did have a good day today, and was productive--but I STOPPED myself before I got too far cuz I know I will pay for it if I keep going on those good days.

You have more good days eventually if you pace yourself.

I do not spend the day in bed. Not saying that is something everyone can avoid--but if you can-- really try not to. That can literally kill you.
I do take a nap almost every day and on bad days--maybe 2. naps and a lot of sitting.

Really bad is not how it will always be-- for most of us I think there are good days. I had a remission for about 7 years--but it did come back.

Many of us have multiple health issues--and that seems to be par for the course. So its really important to get a handle a few good basic habits like pacing--that is the #1 thing.

I wish that 30 years ago I had told my family more about what was going on-- cuz I didn't and I really needed more help--but then I also didn't really know what I was facing then either.

Praying for you all! I know it is hard to accept our limits--especially cuz they change from day to day. But-- somehow we will get through it. Never give up!!
Mary
 
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Wolfsong452 responded:
I don't know about accepting your limitations daily. You do have to push yourself sometimes.

that's one way to strengthen your body, get it used to what you're able to do. Then you might be able to push some more.

Yet again, if you wake up and just know, that there ain't no way I'm gonna do a thang today,

then DON'T DO IT!

Like me with all the over time or extra work I've done this month, along with extra amounts of pet sitting. Totally wiped me out.

Needed the money,

now that I'm rested and almost back to normal, I feel like I had a challenge and was proud of myself the way I was able to deal with it.

Yes, it knocked me down, but, I did a good fight.

So just take it one minute at a time. There might be days where nothing will bother you.

With me, my knees might be hurting, or the shoulder, etc. might not always be FM,

so, learn to listen to your body, read it, then test it.


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