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Worried Nany... Please my friends advise...
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dakotaspirit1957 posted:
What to do... What to do... I love them so... and have no choice but to have a hand in raising them with my son working as a manager and 50-70 hours a week... He is constantly telling me he couldn't do it without me... But it is rough at times... And he understands that... And he is a wonderful Father and Son... And it really shows in the kids when he is around... He tries to take 2 days off a week but there are times he is called back in to work... This week he was called in both days... The kids are disappointed and show it but we do special things and they calm down...But you can tell it is hard on them...

My granddaughter has been a real pill for quite a while... Well ever since her birthday... See her mom moved back in 2 weeks before her birthday in June and then 2 days before it suddenly without talking to the kids or my son moved back to her husband... they were all convinced she was coming back for good to remarry my son and be a family again... Now it is over for the 4th time...

But ever since then my granddaughter has just been a mess... the troublemaker you can hardly deal with... Pulling the ultimate locking me out of the house yesterday... Luckily I could get in the front door...
She just won't quit... And I have tried everything... just holding her when she is doing things like hitting and spitting etc... telling her I love her but not what she is doing... Making sure she understands what I am upset about... time out... naps... even a swat on the buns a couple of times but I don't like to do it... hurts me worse then her...

A lot of her problems stem from her mom and her visits... The last time she was here which was 2 days ago she and I were alone with the kids... She had her in the bedroom... Ethan was in the dinning room ready to eat and I went after them... She was in the process of telling Hailey she needs to be bad to come live with her... If only she can make us mad enough at her... I got most of it on tape using my phone... Played it in front of her to my son... needless to say she doesn't want me to be left alone with her... she says I have no right ease dropping... well I was calling them to supper till I stopped to listen... I don't think that is ease dropping lol... She couldn't talk her way out of this one... My son said he would get the authorities involved and take it back to court if she didn't quit talking to the kids like that... A couple of weeks ago she told my 5 yr old grandson he was going to go to hell and the devil was coming for him for worshiping the devil... why... He made the sign language sign for I love you and she said he was saying devil... He is still afraid to make the sign... to me that is child abuse... But as it stands my son has to let her see them.... until the courts say different...

So I try to be as patient as I can with especially her... She is only 4 and both kids are still convinced that mom would remarry daddy if I wasn't here but gratefully they still don't want me to leave... They do mention it occasionally when they are mad at me tho... She has convinced them I hate her and am mean to her... I try to treat her with every ounce of respect I can and try to stay away from her because it is hard and really kicks in my anxiety and parkinsons... I don't hate anyone... Just things they do... I pray everyday to forgive her and deal with her in a christian manner.. and thru that I feel I have done just that...

OH well... sorry worried nany just letting off steam... I am sorry... No one else to steam at lol...

And would appreciate any input you have... I value your opinion... And need a friend to sit me down to tell me how they see it...

Thanks... Take care... Love... Jan/Dakota
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jillylin responded:
Hey Jan,
as another grandmother, I had tears in my eyes reading your post. I just can not begin to understand why that lady would do that to her own children and to try and turn them against you. Children are people not some tool for manipulating things to the way we want them. It sounds like you and your son are giving the children what they need the most, love, security and boundaries. I am just sorry you are dealing with this, you sound like one very special lady .
((((((Jan)))))
Hugs
Jilly in the UK
 
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lb707 responded:
I could never type long enough to let you know I understand. The only problem is it is my daughter that has caused hurt to the grandchildren.

Somethings are just out of our control when it comes to grands.....we have few rights. I just tell myself that children will always love their parents (both) and I somehow have to deal with it. How do you learn to get along with a parent who does not have the children's best interest at heart? The only thing I can say to that one is the children will grow and make up their own minds.

If we have made enemies of either one of their parents, we are the ones blamed even if it is not our fault. Hang in there and just be loving as you have always been, there is no other way as it is a catch 22 situation.

lauab
 
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Anon_408 responded:
You are a wonderful gramma, and from reading you posts, you put the kids first, as long as you're able. I have been reading for a long time the problems with discipline after the kids have seen their mother.

If this lady doesn't think you should or would, or will eaves drop, she should not come into your house, where you are helping to raise the children, and poison Hailey's mind like that.

I would definetely hang onto that recording, and let your son take it to court or his attorney, sounds to me, just my opinion of course, that she needs visiting with an impartial 3rd party that won't let her say or do those things.

Bottom line, if she doesn't want you to eaves drop, don't come into your huse and treat Hailey that way, and disrespect you and your son with evil ways and actions.. Apparently, this lady doesn't care this will effect Hailey for the rest of her life.

Best of luck with future visitation, and send prayers for Hailey also.
 
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dakotaspirit1957 responded:
Thank you for your responses and prayers... I look at Hailey and see such wonder and turmoil in the mix... Some days she is just such a sweet heart... We had a very bad day Friday and her Dad said that if there was any attitude or problem tonight when he was at work there was no taking 5 it was automatically bedtime... she isn't looking forward to that... So far so good... Ethan keeps reminding her to be good lol... I have had to mention it a couple of times for minor things... but outside of being too noisy I think they are being good over all...

They went to her house last friday afternoon and came home Saturday night late... they both slept thru it lol... Woke up the next morning wanting to know how they got here lol... Dad was home for part of the day and when he left I had them watching TV while I watched a football game... After my team finally won lol... we celebrated with a special picnic and movie and then it was off to bed... It was a nice relaxing might except Ethan fell asleep cuddled up to my back and kicked me all night till his dad moved him lol... Hailey chose to go watch TV in her room and fell asleep shortly there after... I would have slept early but you know Ethan was a kicking a way and moving him just got him moving right back lol... I love cuddling but maybe I need to tie his legs up lol...

Tonight we are getting ready to play a couple of games on my computer and then they pick a movie and it is early to bed... School in the morning...

So I feel better now that I have made it back to read the responses... Thanks a lot... Love to all of you...

take care... Love... Jan/Dakota


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