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Spouse doesn't get it..feeling so bad today.
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crystalgreeneyes posted:
Hello everyone. I hope you all had a good holiday. I am sorry to rant today but who will understand, if not all of you? If you have the support you need, then you are very fortunate. I spent most of yesterday in bed. I was mentally and physically exhausted after Tues. I only had 7 people for dinner and it was lovely. I was up at 6.00 am the day before making soup and creme brulee. (yum) On Tues. I was again up early setting the table, preparing food, cleaning etc. etc. The same as everyone else I am sure. My husband picked a fight with me in the morning after the presents were opened. I could scarcely believe the hostility which arose out of a simple misunderstood remark. However, I was determined not to let it ruin the day. Throughout the entire day my anxiety level was off the wall, most of it worrying about not doing something right and upsetting him. I couldn't remember how to set the oven to convection (it's new and I haven't used the feature much) so I asked him to get the instructions. This was wrong! I should have asked for it yesterday. I forget stuff. You know how it is. I didn't know if I could make it through the entire day but I lasted till about 9.30. I cleaned and put everything away too.
When I came down yesterday, he looked puzzled and asked if I wasn't feeling good. I just pointed to my back where most of my pain is. His reply was, "Well, I don't know what's going on with you". It's only been two years and I have had this cond. for much longer.
I was going to leave him last year. I saw a lawyer and got the papers. Then I was diagnosed and I wondered how I would support myself, unable to work and with no family around me. I agreed to stay because I thought it would be better. Instead, it is much, much worse. Everyday I think of how I can get away from him. I have no income and no savings. I cannot afford therapy or any treatment for my pain. The only med. I take is a sleeping pill. I have tried many drugs. I was lying in bed for days while taking Cymbalta and I was really ill.
Today is a bad day but I do have many good ones. My daughter is here and I do what I can for her. I guess I am angry and bitter.
Please help with your kind advice. Thank you all. Be well.
Reply
 
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Anon_2912 responded:
I hate to tell you this, but you need to leave. Can you go to family.

You are going to have to find some kind of job when or if you ever leave him. Sometimes we have to suck it up and do what must be done for our kids.

You would qualify for govermnemt assistance for medical & maybe housing if it is just you and your daughter. I am not saying it is going to be easy, but it may relieve a lot of the stresses that may be causing some pain.

Or you could continue to stay with him, your choice.
 
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1wareaglefan responded:
You certainly don't deserve to be treated that way. I hate to hear that things have gotten worse for you. I've lived through that kind of situation, and my husband did eventually change for the better. It actually took a miracle from God for it to happen, though.

The stress of that kind of environment is bad for your health, as I'm sure you already know. Is there some family that could help you? Or a good friend? Maybe some others will be along with some more advice, but I hate to see you having to live like that. I know what it's like.

Please keep us posted, ok?
 
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crystalgreeneyes replied to 1wareaglefan's response:
Thank you so much for replying in kindness.
 
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maggiethedoglover responded:
My Dear Crystal,

I ache for the pain that you are experiencing, both physical and mental. Your DH has no right to treat you like that.

I wish there was a fairy godmother that we could send to you to make all of your pain disappear.

Did you talk with your attorney enough to determine if you could get alimony in addition to child support? Do you have a best friend or relative that you could live with? Have you applied for Social Security disability?

Start squirreling away small amounts of money into an account in your name only. Have the statements go to another address or a PO Box. I am not sure how much they cost. I also don't know if they will agree not to send statements and let you manage your account on the computer. Just $12.50 per week will equal $625 a year. That's not much but you see what I mean.

Explore ways to make your own money. Do you have an attic full of junk to sell on E-bay? Are you creative? If you can make Christmas or other crafts, you can attend craft shows to sell your things. There is also a site called Etsy for selling handmade items.

Save all of your aluminum cans and sell them rather than putting them in the recycle bin.

Maybe none of these ideas will work for you but try to think of some that will.

You and your daughter deserve much more out of life.

By the way, I have always thought that green eyes are the most beautiful! You will be in my heart.

Soft hugs,

maggie

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats - Voltaire
 
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crystalgreeneyes replied to maggiethedoglover's response:
To Maggie. My goodness. How touched I am by your reply. You seem such a kind and loving person. I have already done most of the things you suggested. Over the past few months I have sold almost every piece of jewellery I own, online and I have managed to save up all of that.
My husband is quite obsessive about everything and he is quick to anger. I am tired of his bullying behaviour but I think that the day will come when I will be able to leave. I stay hopeful for that day and that's all I can do right now.
Hugs to you. Knowing that someone cares is always helpful.
 
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agrapina replied to crystalgreeneyes's response:
I agree with Maggie. Don't make any sudden moves that could endanger your heath further. Instead, think and prepare as best you can for when you feel the time is right.

Hugs.
 
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xperky responded:
Dear Crystal, I sure do hate to hear of your situation. If there is any way to get away from the verbal abuse and anxiety-provoking environment then you know you need to.

In the meantime, is there an activity you enjoy doing without him? Perhaps joining a pool exercise group, book club or knitting circle could get you away from that environment and give you some self-esteem. It's hard to keep self-esteem when someone is always telling you things are wrong.

Lean in on us for support. We understand you are feeling alone while you struggle with FM pain. But you are not alone. We are all connected.
With Compassion,
Margaret
 
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rickie3grandsons replied to crystalgreeneyes's response:
I have read your letter and gentle hugs to you from all your friends here!! !I have found myself there my husand and I go to a counciler and we talk about the way things are going and there at his office I feel I can say what I need to the appointments have helped this year I told the kids they could hold xmas(. mine maybe older) it is my time to sit and enjoy .Don't worry if the vacuming isn't done every other day and your dishes can sit until you are ready to do them . we are all be here for you ...your fibro family.
 
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booch007 responded:
Good morning,

We had a member years ago and she left her situation and went to women shelter for abused.....they supported her with medicaid and got her on her feet. There was counseling and helped her find a job.

Emotional torment is the same as beating you. Maybe look inot this. It gets you away and not found and a start in life. So many women feel they are locke in a world of "bad" and no way out. There is always a light to find.

Look into battered women shelters and see if this will help. Women help women, they know it is not easy to take that first step. A leap of faith is all you need.

Research.

Good luck, Nancy B


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